Renovations and Repayments.

AlexLK

SueP19 wrote: »

I smiled because I have a you at home, a frustrating annoying loveable one just like you and nothing is good enough for him either, everything has to be perfect and if it isn't going to be it's not worth it because it's too heartbreakingly disappointing otherwise. He is also plagued with what ifs to the point that he is at a complete stand still now x

Yes, from what you say, I do seem to have similar attitudes to your husband. You made me smile talking about the perfectionism. Recently, I handed a piece of work in for the course I'm studying, know the results won't be available for a while but can't stop checking it. Dread what the outcome is going to be, too.

As many times as I say I'm going to sort things out, I always wind up failing to do so. I suppose I'm just not able to do so.

maman wrote: »

:eek::eek::eek:


That's truly shocking:(.

Popgirl wrote: »

Longtime lurker Alex never posted on your diary before (although I have been tempted many times before) but I need to ask what does Mrs K spend £30-£50 a day on? Do you know? Have you asked?

No idea what she spends it on or is saving it for and quite glad I'm not at home, to be honest. I'm so disappointed she will tell me that she's in agreement about the finances, then lie to me and take money anyway. No wonder she didn't want to do the expenses spreadsheet in December and this month, she was very keen for us to not be using the debit card. Still buys her lunch with her card, though.

She's going away this weekend (last minute thing, of course). Hopefully I'll be able to have an civil discussion with her by Monday evening.

AlexLK

smallholdingsister wrote: »

We are present when you need us.

Thanks. I know I need to get back to it.

Think I will check into the other thread this evening.

Moneywhizz wrote: »

Long time lurker too. Just a few observations that you may or may not want to consider.

I think you are far too hard on yourself. Being part of this board is not a competition to see who can make the biggest overpayments. Everyone has different circumstance and priorities but with a common goal of eventually being mortgage free. That will be a different timescale and process depending on the individual.
What you need to do is clarify your goals,whether that be home improvements, holidays, cars, hobbies or being mortgage free. Once you are clear about that then you can set your budget accordingly. The biggest problem I can see from reading your diary, is a lack of agreement between you and your wife about the way to handle your finances. Given that your wife is the main breadwinner, you definitely need to sort out your differences and reach a compromise that works for both of you.

I understand the principle about this not being a competition but in my mind, if I'm not "winning", I'm failing. I know I'm too hard on myself, no idea how to change this, though I do know it doesn't help me.

This year I was going to make some goals. Some that were meant to be fun but others should have been money related. I hope I still get around to it.

My wife will tell me she agrees, that she'll stick to the arrangements we've talked about. That usually lasts about 2-3 weeks before she either starts making life difficult for me, taking money or telling me I don't deserve to have a say because it's all her money. Really don't know how this is my fault, to be honest.

DollyDee_2

Alex

I do sincerely hope you work things out. Stop putting yourself down all the time. You are doing a great job with not only your son but your parents and wife. Sure, your wife works full time and brings in more money but you do all the other stuff, it's role reversal but you are both "worth" the same.

You have also stepped up to the plate for your parents when your Mom got injured which has disrupted things for you, your wife and son.

All children play up at times and uncannily know which strings to pull. Your son is no different or special in that respect.

Ask Mrs K what she's spending the money on when the moment is right. Could some of it be fuel? Not everyday obviously but the money is going somewhere.

How far away do your parents live? If you are spending a fortune travelling there every day you might want to point that out at some time. Not at the moment obviously if you are still staying there.

Don't know if I will get flamed for this but would you be better saving (and I mean saving, not touching the money) and getting the house renovations done first or half and half?


All the best.

DollyDee

AlexLK

Thanks, Dollydee.

My problems with myself go far beyond money and who is making most of it. Wish that was my only issue, to be honest.

I'm starting to dread going back but that's more to do with my wife than anything else. Currently I'm resisting calling my parents' house "home" though I do feel a lot more safe here. My parents don't live far away, so it doesn't cost much to visit them.

Son has been a lot better today. We went for a long walk with the dogs, doesn't take much to please him, fortunately. Pleased he and my father have started getting along again, he loved listening to the charts of 1961 and 1973 on Radio 2 with his grandparents. I know most 5 year olds these days wouldn't be interested but my son had a great time and got to hear some music he'd not heard before. Really means a lot to me that he and my parents are getting along.

As for my wife, she's not withdrawing the money to spend it on petrol. From going through the account today quite carefully, she never stopped using her debit card for things like petrol / lunch etc. I've no idea what she's doing and a part of me doesn't want to find out. Completely fed up with her making all the right noises only to choose to do something else. Whilst I said I was going to stop blaming and accusing her of doing things, I can't see how I can just let this one go for the sake of not provoking her.

Not sure what you meant by saving money for the work on the house or "half and half"? What's half and half?

DollyDee_2

I meant half towards overpaying the mortgage and half into savings for renovations.

Hope you can work things out.

DollyDee

AlexLK

DollyDee wrote: »

I meant half towards overpaying the mortgage and half into savings for renovations.

Hope you can work things out.

DollyDee

My "savings" are not savings, as such. The money "saved" last year was almost all made from buying and selling things I'm interested in / know about. We don't save anything other than £30 per week from our main joint income. Unfortunately, I've not been in the right frame of mind so far this year to start the buying and selling again. As a consequence our savings total for this year stands at £120.

Spoke to my wife on the 'phone today. She reckons that it's none of my business what she's doing with the money as it's her money and not mine. Apparently, it's being saved but not for the house, though. I wouldn't mind but when I earnt more than her, not once did I tell her that any surplus was mine. To be honest, I don't know how much longer I can go on being led up the garden path by her "promises".

Apart from that, today has been quite good. Little spent (£30 petrol in the TR6 and £5 in the Co-Op), had a nice day with son, parents and dogs. Chicken roast cooked which made a really nice change from beef (mother cooks this EVERY Sunday), everyone enjoyed it and I'll do it again. Son and I took the dogs for a walk around the Chatsworth estate, saw plenty of sheep and deer. Also had a nice drive out in the TR. My mother is getting a little better each day and although she's still in pain, I think she'll be fine in a couple of weeks. Father had a really good day too and came out for a short walk along the river with son, the dogs and I.

Going to try to have an early night (11-11.30pm) as I did say I was going to try to get myself into a better routine than falling to sleep during the early hours, waking up to take son to school and then going back to bed. OK, perhaps the real reason for wishing to change such bad habits is the 9am business meeting I have tomorrow... :eek:

AlexLK

Well had an early night, got up bright and early and made a tasty breakfast. Meeting went well, son went to school without any fuss and I managed to get quite a few other things done. Son also got a nice certificate from school for his behaviour which may or may not be the result of a little bribe from my father. Getting slowly back into working again and will be returning to music teaching tomorrow.

Mother and father both in good spirits. Dogs are content and son seems to be enjoying staying here, though that could be the novelty of different walks. Nice food and no alcohol. Also, an unexpected sale making me £660 means I've managed to kick start the savings.

Going to have another early night and try to aim for the same tomorrow.

All in all, an excellent day.

ourcornercottage

I don't like the sound of mrs lk's comments.

Glad your day is better

maman

Good to hear you sounding positive Alex.


I didn't know that LittleK was staying over. Is MrsK away this week?

Fay

I've just been reading Alex and wondered whether you would consider going for counselling/therapy. From what you've said it would really help and there will be free/very low cost options in your area, just do a Google search.