Renovations and Repayments.

SueP19

Alex you have today given me the biggest smile since I joined this board about a month ago. :beer:

You and my OH were cut from the same cloth..................I hear you loud and clear.

It's hard isn't it to see a way forward when everyone shouts "look at the bigger picture" The trouble is that all you can see..........the huge great massive picture.

Having assets for you would only be good enough if they were more than the mortgage, the house would only be great if all the jobs were done together..............seems cold when put like that but the reality is you don't think you deserve these things, that you have done nothing to deserve them and even if you tried it would go wrong anyway. To sell those assets for the mortgage would be like giving them away, to you the mortgage is not a real entity.

I wish I had a solution for you, that I could say a magic sentence and you would have faith but in truth I have been searching for 27 years for the answer for my OH and have yet to find it.

My father was quite annoyed with me earlier for complaining about my mortgage / house and said something along similar lines about everything in life being a compromise. Recently he's taken to talking to me about his life before I was born as a means to make me feel guilty and apparently he regrets sheltering me from what he calls "the real world".

As for your father, am sure your childhood was real enough!

As for your son, it's precisely because you are a good dad that he is the way he is, he has been allowed that freedom to form his own opinion about his teacher, that is priceless, respect is earnt whatever the age.

I applaud you for your trying, your mistakes and your successes, it give me hope that one day my OH my be brave enough too :T

AlexLK

gallygirl wrote: »

68k is still a massive amount to have in realisable assets, don't knock it.

Sometimes 'adequate' is all we're capable off Alex, don't knock it .

You're stuck in the 'sandwich years' - where you're the meat between your parents and Little K's bread. They both seem to be of the 'doorstep' variety at present, hang on in there :grouphug:.

I wasn't knocking it, just illustrating I most certainly don't have enough money in assets to pay off my mortgage.

:rotfl: Re. my parents and son, I think you're right. I don't seem to be able to do the right thing. Son has been really testing my patience, wife has been withdrawing cash without me knowing, father isn't very well and spent an hour crying about past regrets and I took mother to the GP where she insists she's absolutely fine despite not being. Lastly, I had a pupil come to the house for a violin lesson so I could assess whether or not to enter her for an exam and the pupil's mother was very rude. Apparently I'm a "posh money grabbing t**t" and "the type she considers the worst in society", this one is from the volunteer school and I'd only met the mother once previous. This was all because I told her that daughter ought to have an hour's tuition and that she needed to send the exam and accompaniment fee through. Fortunately, the daughter is a very keen violinist and wants to pursue Music at university. Terrible day, hardly any wonder I've started drinking of an evening again.

newgirly wrote: »

I wasn't suggesting you don't do lots of those mse things alex, more that you don't know the extent that others may go to in order to op. I don't want to pick apart your previous posts, but I will say perhaps you are underplaying the amount spent on cars overall if you are struggling so much to op , if like you say your are frugal in most other ways.

The obvious way to settle this is to bite the bullet and post you soa, it's all subjective where you should cut costs, but it may give you are more honest picture.:)

Thanks, NG. Certainly something to think about there. As for where the money is going, I decided to look through our accounts (only usually check the balance) and I have found Mrs K takes £30-50 in cash everyday when she's at work so that explains a lot to me. Funny that she doesn't write this on out expenses spreadsheet for the month and clearly she was hoping I wouldn't go through the account. :mad::mad::mad:

On the positive side, by going through the accounts doing an accurate SOA should be easy, so long as we use the debit card for a month and don't just buy things cash. Yes, it's taken me this long to realise this.

Goldiegirl wrote: »

But you still have more assets than many people, particularly people of your age.

And why do you think you need to pay the mortgage off at once? Again most people on here are doing it gradually.

In the outside world most people don't overpay their mortgage at all - it's a nice to do thing, not an essential thing.

You just need to remember, you are just like everyone else - so pick your priority item and concentrate on that. You can't do everything at once and nobody expects you to (apart from you, of course!)

Actually, that's just about the first thing your dad has ever said that makes sense - life is indeed a compromise - and in a lot of ways you have been sheltered from the life that most people in this country lead

As for talking about before you were born..... maybe that's just an old person thing - they enjoy talking about the old days, and it can be very interesting. Maybe he's telling you thse stories while he can.... not to make you feel guilty, but to pass on the stories.

We are paying the mortgage off gradually at the moment as we do make small monthly overpayments (usually £250 but this month £320).

I suppose I think everyone else is doing better and hate the idea of being "worse" or "behind" in some way.

There are times I've enjoyed listening to my father talk about the old days but recently they've been of the accusatory "I didn't have x, y, z when I was x, y, z age, look how lucky you are" type.

smallholdingsister

How is the booze freeness going?

AlexLK

SueP19 wrote: »

Alex you have today given me the biggest smile since I joined this board about a month ago. :beer:

What stupid thing have I said now? :rotfl:

SueP19 wrote: »

You and my OH were cut from the same cloth..................I hear you loud and clear.

It's hard isn't it to see a way forward when everyone shouts "look at the bigger picture" The trouble is that all you can see..........the huge great massive picture.

Having assets for you would only be good enough if they were more than the mortgage, the house would only be great if all the jobs were done together..............seems cold when put like that but the reality is you don't think you deserve these things, that you have done nothing to deserve them and even if you tried it would go wrong anyway. To sell those assets for the mortgage would be like giving them away, to you the mortgage is not a real entity.

I wish I had a solution for you, that I could say a magic sentence and you would have faith but in truth I have been searching for 27 years for the answer for my OH and have yet to find it.

As for your father, am sure your childhood was real enough!

As for your son, it's precisely because you are a good dad that he is the way he is, he has been allowed that freedom to form his own opinion about his teacher, that is priceless, respect is earnt whatever the age.

I applaud you for your trying, your mistakes and your successes, it give me hope that one day my OH my be brave enough too :T

Thank you, Sue.

:rotfl: I think you're right re. the bigger picture. I have a (bad) habit of philosophising and considering the world / my own life / the "what ifs". All this ever seems to do for me is make me despair.

You're definitely right about the assets / mortgage / work to do on the house but it's more than that. I'm worse than that because none of it is good enough for me. Unfortunately, I don't even know what is good enough. It, in turn, makes me very dissatisfied and miserable.

AlexLK

smallholdingsister wrote: »

How is the booze freeness going?

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:

... shall we just leave it there?

smallholdingsister

We are present when you need us.

SueP19

AlexLK wrote: »

What stupid thing have I said now? :rotfl:



Thank you, Sue.

:rotfl: I think you're right re. the bigger picture. I have a (bad) habit of philosophising and considering the world / my own life / the "what ifs". All this ever seems to do for me is make me despair.

You're definitely right about the assets / mortgage / work to do on the house but it's more than that. I'm worse than that because none of it is good enough for me. Unfortunately, I don't even know what is good enough. It, in turn, makes me very dissatisfied and miserable.

I smiled because I have a you at home, a frustrating annoying loveable one just like you and nothing is good enough for him either, everything has to be perfect and if it isn't going to be it's not worth it because it's too heartbreakingly disappointing otherwise. He is also plagued with what ifs to the point that he is at a complete stand still now x

maman

AlexLK wrote: »

I decided to look through our accounts (only usually check the balance) and I have found Mrs K takes £30-50 in cash everyday when she's at work so that explains a lot to me.

:eek::eek::eek:


That's truly shocking:(.

Popgirl

Longtime lurker Alex never posted on your diary before (although I have been tempted many times before) but I need to ask what does Mrs K spend £30-£50 a day on? Do you know? Have you asked?

Moneywhizz

Long time lurker too. Just a few observations that you may or may not want to consider.

I think you are far too hard on yourself. Being part of this board is not a competition to see who can make the biggest overpayments. Everyone has different circumstance and priorities but with a common goal of eventually being mortgage free. That will be a different timescale and process depending on the individual.
What you need to do is clarify your goals,whether that be home improvements, holidays, cars, hobbies or being mortgage free. Once you are clear about that then you can set your budget accordingly. The biggest problem I can see from reading your diary, is a lack of agreement between you and your wife about the way to handle your finances. Given that your wife is the main breadwinner, you definitely need to sort out your differences and reach a compromise that works for both of you.