is family estrangement always bad.

browneyedbazzi

It isn't always a terrible thing and some people will cope well (and indeed thrive) following an estrangement - other people might struggle with it or find it much more difficult due to the situation or their circumstances so might benefit from the support groups.

Talking about a problem is often a cathartic and healing experience for people - so no, I don't think you're necessarily better 'doing something fun' and simply suppressing/ignoring your problems.

mellymoo74

Nope sometimes it's self preservation

meritaten

we have had no contact with my OHs brother and his wife for over 15 years. The pair are toxic and we are far better off for not having them in our lives.

rubytuesday

My twenty two year old daughter hasn't seen her Dad for four years now for very valid reasons and has no intention of doing so.

As I never saw my Dad after the age of four I didn't feel happy about this situation as family feels very important to me and I initially tried to encourage her to reinstate contact but she is doing what is right for her.

TBagpuss

No, it isn't necessarily a bad thing, and I think that if you have not experienced living in / with toxic family members it is easy to under-estimate how bad it can be, or how necessary, and healthy, it can be to make a break.
I also think that because most of us *don't* have that experience, and because of the cultural pressures to prioritize family, to 'keep trying' because people are family, etc , it can be very hard to talk about, so I can completely understand the wish to make contact with other people n a simialr situation.

Would you think it odd, or suggest that should 'get on with their lives' if the groups were instead for people who had been the victims of childhood sexual abuse, or of rape, or who suffered from a particular medical condition or disease?

I'm fortunate that my own family is lovely, but in my professional capacity I've come into contact with some very dysfunctional, toxic family relationships where in many cases an estrangement would have been a wholly positive step.

Ames

The best thing that ever happened to me was dad and sister stopping talking to me (I don't think they expected me to call their bluff).

I don't understand the long term support group thing, but if it's needed and not hurting anyone else then why not?

Peter333

Sometimes, making a break from toxic family members who are nothing short of parasites can be cathartic and a bit of a blessing. I know quite a few people whose lives were enhanced by cutting relatives out of them.

As someone said above, there seems to be this thing about having to maintain contact because blood is thicker than water, yada yada, but it's horse poo. I know a number of people who have had their self esteem destroyed, their heart broken, their mind messed up, their bank broken, and their souls damn near destroyed by 'family.'

It's a myth that family is everything.

Not if they are parasites or if they make you feel sad.

System

I've not seen or spoken to my bio dad in coming up to 10 years now (well except one time he got my number and called me drunk :mad: ), that said i don;t really talk about it, certainly not on facebook, there's not much to discuss really.

Being on contact with him was having a negative effect on my well being and mental health so i cut him off as i felt it was the best thing for me to do, its taken some time to accept cutting him off basically meant losing all of his side of the family too, but then i was never close to them and always the black sheep, and my mum, step dad and siblings are all the fmaily i need.

Rachylou1981

I have spoken properly to my dad in nearly 3 years because he is an alcoholic and has gone past the point of no return. I have seen him on a couple of occasions and spoken to him and been pleasant. He contacts me via letter regularly as he lives round the street and posts them through my letterbox. In these letters he begs me to be his friend and let him back into my life. It's heartwrenching.

However, when he is in my life he is mean and demanding and will constantly do things to upset me (when drunk). I live on the edge wondering what he will do if I don't respond to him and I fear he will damage my home as he has in the past. He is nice when sober but it's a rareity. The big issue now is I have a partner living with me and I don't want him to be privvy to this kind of behaviour, it's too distressing. He has never met him at all but knows all about the situation. He leaves the decision up to me about seeing him.

I honestly feel guilt constantly and worry that I will regret not having any relationship with him at all in the future or will feel massively regretful when he dies. He is my dad after all but the things he does far outweigh him to being a bad dad than a good one and sadly it is too stressful having him in my life.

My siblings don't speak to him either and he has managed to upset nearly all of his family and friends now too. He is very much a loner, which makes me feel worse

bluenoseam

I haven't spoken to my elder sister in a couple of years & honestly, it's no great loss to me, she is one of arguably the most vile & spitefull people I've ever known. I know it still "annoys" other relatives that she's ostracised herself from the family (particularly my Gran) but there are others who share my view having been burned by her in the past.

Truth is she'll need me a hell of a long time before I need her & honestly I have more than enough drama in life without having to deal with her & the resulting drama!