The Garden Fence - help and support in tough times

Knit_Witch

nursemaggie wrote: »

You know what, nannywindow, I think I would have cooked them.

My ex used to buy things if they were in a pretty jar irrespective of how expensive they were. I caught him one day putting a pretty jar in the trolley, I asked him why he was buying it as neither of us liked the contents and is was ludicrously expensive. I made him put it back.

He had a strange idea of thrift. I was allowed to buy 1 item of non food per week. It could be something as expensive as a car or a house but I could not buy two wooden spoons in the same week. I had to be very secretive about non food items and could not of course buy them in the supermarket because he always came.

:eek: what would happen if you had bought ... say ... a pressure cooker and then ripped the heel off a shoe and needed another pair?

nursemaggie

Knit Witch I would have to do it in secret or face the beating.

Money no you would not it is anything that is not food that was not not allowed. Most things I did without until the next week. I could buy an expensive pair of Jeans but no knickers to go under them in the same week. If we ran out of washing powder and washing up liquid in the same week I could not by both. It was OK for him to buy an expensive jar of something no one liked because that was food. The heel would have been my own fault and would have deserved a beating.

Knit_Witch

nursemaggie wrote: »

Knit Witch I would have to do it in secret or face the beating.

Money no you would not it is anything that is not food that was not not allowed. Most things I did without until the next week. I could buy an expensive pair of Jeans but no knickers to go under them in the same week. If we ran out of washing powder and washing up liquid in the same week I could not by both. It was OK for him to buy an expensive jar of something no one liked because that was food. The heel would have been my own fault and would have deserved a beating.

No wonder he is your ex

Hard_Up_Hester

So I took my car to the local Nissan garage today because after I had the battery replaced the radio code was needed.
Unfortunately according to the Nissan database my car was built in 1930 therefore there is no radio code available!
Only took 3 hours to sort it out, and it made my ears bleed because my beloved is convinced it's my fault!!

ivyleaf

Knit_Witch wrote: »

No wonder he is your ex

Just what I was thinking

ivyleaf

Well done nursemaggie for parting from him - much better to be on your own than with a man like that :T

How are you doing with the black bag method, monnagran? Thinking of you. I can't get OH to part with anything. Also, he had to empty the understairs cupboard last Wednesday for British Gas to change the meters; everything is neatly in plastic boxes, but none of the boxes have yet found their way back under the stairs He says he "needs to repack some of it" and goes selectively deaf if I venture to suggest that perhaps we really don't need ALL of it.

Well, today is the day the weather forecast warned would be very cold, and apparently it is. No frost, but a bitter SE wind. Oh well, it is January after all!

Floss

I can concur that it is BITTERLY cold here in Blackpool. Currently thawing out in Cafe Nero with a free hot choc on DH's loyalty card waiting while my car has its service & MOT.

monnagran

nursemaggie, a million hugs. I can't think of anything worse than being married to a physically abusive man. Mental abuse I can deal with, no one can monitor your thoughts, but there is no escape from physical cruelty. You have done well to escape that.

The black bags are still going strong Ivyleaf. I didn't do as much yesterday as I had hoped to, life kept getting in the way. Not to mention a Dalmation puppy who thought she was in heaven with piles of toys and lovely rustling bags to kill.

I'll have another go today. Thankfully DS2 is on board with this and is at home today so I may get some help.

x

greent

I disagree - mental abuse can be just as devastating as physical - you question yourself constantly and even dismiss it as abuse because there was no physical harm - therefore surely you're just confused and must have got it wrong - so is it all your fault then...? - thoughts which you can have - assuming you even recognise it's abuse - it can be so sly and insidious that before you know it you are no longer the person you were - it can destroy self confidence, belief in oneself - you question yourself and feel powerless, as nothing you do is right. As a result you can become timid and overly passive and don't draw attention to yourself even if the abuser is abusing someone else (eg a child) as you don't want it turned on you. You can be all over the place with emotions - super high and ultra low and take your anger/ frustration/ sadness (even if you don't realise it) out on others. All of this can lead to sleep issues, depression, lack of trust of others and even suicidal tendencies or substance abuse as a crutch.

Emotional abuse can be just as devastating as physical - and can be easily dismissed as someone just being a bit daft/ under pressure - people can see bruises (admittedly they are usually hidden - but evidence is there) - it's hard to see the evidence of a slow burn mental abuse.

Both are awful. However, if you are in an abusive relationship of any sort it is easy to see it as *normal* as your thinking becomes twisted and there is often shame and guilt involved

*gets off soapbox now! *

mardatha

One thing I can thank my mother for. Being such a hard and tough and unsympathetic person that it made me mentally tougher than an entire skip load of old boots lol