The Garden Fence - help and support in tough times

[Deleted User]

Mothers in law in my life (I've had two) have been very prickly beasts who have made life extremely uncomfortable on occasion and said many unforgettable and for me unforgiveable things that put a barrier between any cordiality that I might have been able to muster. I remained polite on all occasions, learned to expect the worst and was never disappointed and disliked each if them very much indeed. The only redeeming feature either of them had was producing the man I was married to and that fact was all on occasion that kept my tongue still. I confess that when I lost the first one through divorce it was a relief and when the second died it was a bigger relief and life became much smoother and more peaceful between all of us, father in law was a difficult personality and we looked after him to the age of 96, he had no time or affection for He Who Knows or the rest of us. It wasn't wasted though I made the decision that should I ever become a mother in law I would NEVER say or do anything that would upset or put pressure on my children or their spouses and as luck would have it my son in law is a lovely man, a good husband and a wonderful father who we get on with very well indeed. He makes my daughter very happy, what more could we ask for?

ivyleaf

candygirl wrote: »

Are babies not all born blue eyed to start with?

My DD1 certainly wasn't! She was born with smoky brown eyes, to our surprise! And they stayed that colour.

ETA Sorry if that sounds a bit "prickly", candygirl, it wasn't meant to but looks it on the screen IYSWIM

VJsmum

I was born with brown eyes too, apparently. As was DS.

We have come to a dead end as to how to entertain the MiL today. Most things are closed, she can't walk very far, there isn't a film at the cinema that i think she'd sit through. We may have to put a DVD on here.

She has already asked what we are doing at Easter followed by "well I am not going anywhere". And said that she's only got one thing to look forward to this year (a show that DD and I are taking her to as her christmas pressie) - until we reminded her that her first great grandchild is due any day and her grandson is getting married in May.

I have retreated to the kitchen.

Floss

VJsmum why not offer her the option of a lovely walk to freshen everyone up, or her choice of DVD, sweeties & cake while you "let her have some peace & quiet, while we take the family out of her hair" for a walk (to the nearest pub!)? She may think she has got the best option

FairyPrincessk

Afternoon and a happy NYE to all,

It has been very busy here--intense period at work following by leaving for mum and dad's on first day off, a week there then back here to spend time with OH's family and we're now enjoying the silence on our own for NYE.

I'm fortunate to have a lovely MIL who I enjoy spending time with--mind I think it would be tough if we lived together as it would for most multi-generational set ups, but she is nice, doesn't make any nasty comments, gives lovely presents and we have nice conversations when left on our own. I also get on reasonably well with my own mum, bar the usual family snaffles.

VJ's mum--oh, I feel for you. I've had difficult relatives and some particular Debbie Downers and I've heard that line about nothing to look forward to many times. Many of them I'm not in touch with anymore, either do to distance and mutual disinterest or death. It is also hard to find things for those who have limited mobility to do. Since dad's stroke this has been a challenge and I'm trying to work on ideas now to send for his birthday in Feb. What about a puzzle/game of scrabble/ craft project (gratitude list for the new year )? Unfortunately all of those leave room for conversation, so perhaps some music from her heyday?

I'm making beef brisket in a gravy and veg sauce today. The recipe actually calls for silverside/topside but couldn't get either locally. I imagine it will be fine--should I lengthen the cooking time at all? I'm also going to make some eggnog, potato jane and sit and knit. I'm making the Miss Marple scarf on ravelry--the first time I've split stitches, broken and rejoined and I'm proud of how it is going so far.


OH and I spend most of our holidays going to other people--we don't have children and both get time off work so we mostly don't mind but I do sometimes wish we could start some of our own traditions so I'm making a start today with NYE--the families are pretty much done with us by then. :rotfl:

milasavesmoney

My first MIL is still one of my close dear friends as are all her children, except the ex. They all understand.
She will be 90 yrs this coming September and we are planning a big weekend to celebrate, minus the ex who is in prison (tax evasion).

My second MIL was hell on wheels. She hated me. DH and I had been married less than a year when she came over and screamed (among other things) 'You are crazy and should be in a mental institution. We need to call an ambulance and have you taken immediately.' She was a crass, vulgar, foul mouthed specimen of a woman. My DH had tried to tell me how she was, but never having experienced such a nut case, I just could not imagine it.
When she developed dementia we kept her, in our home, for over two years until she passed away. The second year her doctor gave her a medication to help her paranoia and it changed her personality completely. She became a sweet person. She should have been on that medication from birth!

ArthriticOldThing

I think I've been very fortunate. My first (and only) MIL was a wonderful lady and I often said I would always keep her though give her son away. Which is what happened. She was as hard as nails, a stereotypical northern Housewife and afraid of nothing. :eek:
After my ex and I divorced she remained close to me although physically some distance away and she developed a fantastic relationship with my beloved late DH - whose own mother had died long before we met. In fact she would phone up, say hello to me and ask to be passed onto him for a (long) chat. Her gifts were always thoughtful and given with love.
AS for my own mum, she was lovely as well and she would never have given any gift without considering what the recipient would like.
So I appreciate and miss them both still.
Mind you my ex once gave me an everyday string oven-glove as a Christmas and Birthday present - the dates being quite close together. And that was when he was feeling generous!

Nargleblast

A very Happy New Year to all who are lurking by the garden fence. May 2017 be good to all of us.

Softstuff

Happy New Year everybody xx

Mila, I don't suppose you have any of that medication left you could send to help VJsmum out?

I've often entertained ideas of tinkering with doorknobs a bit when someone insufferable is around. Then when the knob came off in their hand and they were stuck in the loo "oh sorry, we didn't hear you over the music, we thought you must have gone to take a nap, we had no idea......" :rotfl:

Floss

Happy New Year to everyone

DH and I have just finished opening Christmas pressies... I got a Peanuts wall calendar, a Peanuts desk calendar and a Snoopy pen, to go with the earrings & perfume He got a Harlequins Rugby 150 anniversary rugby shirt and the GBBO cookbook signed & dedicated to him by his beloved Candice!