The Garden Fence - help and support in tough times

moneyistooshorttomention

monnagran wrote: »

We have been divorced for 34 years and the law only caught up with him about 3 years ago. The court case was last year - sexual abuse of minors. Not his own children, thank goodness, he was not interested in them in any way, but he was a master in a boys prep school, and obviously made the most of it. It makes me sick to think about it and I am appalled at how naive I was.
It all came out in court at exactly the same time as I was in emotional turmoil over something completely different. 2015 is the year my world disintegrated around me.


x

Sympathies on that one Monna. I'd have also been appalled to find I'd inadvertently married someone like that. Many of us have been very naive in our time - and could kick ourselves in hindsight for not realising. I've long since come to the conclusion it's easy for us to "see what we want to see" - rather than taking a clear look at someone and trying to work out what they're like.

Add the fact that other people may wonder how on earth to tell us and whether they should tell us in the first place if they've noticed anything amiss. That's a position I've been in - someone I used to be on friendly terms with (but not close friend...) was always going to get married. When she introduced the man she eventually married I remember thinking distinctly "Ummm......I don't know...couldnt she do better than that?" and not being at all sure about him. Fast forward several years and there was an Odd Incident when she wasnt around and I realised there was definitely "summat adrift" with him but couldnt quite put my finger on it and didn't know whether to say anything to her or no. Fast forward a bit more - and he was in the papers as having been caught out by the law by some odd behaviour - and I bumped into her and still didn't know what to say to her. Was I supposed to say "I always knew there was something odd about him" or "I'm so sorry he turned out that way", "Are you going to divorce him now?" or what and I honestly didn't know what to say - though I felt very sympathetic to her and assumed she hadnt been aware of what he was like when she married him.

Sorry 2015 went so badly wrong for you. Hope 2016 is turning out better and 2017 is your year.

fuddle

I do have a flu. Started Mon. Went out of hours walk in Tue and GP Weds. Breath sounds clear and so are lungs but as pain on breathing in. Both GP and out of hours didn't see the need for antibiotics but as pain GP booked me in for chest x-ray. I should get the results today. I'm being a good girl. The pain might be asthma tightness but given I've never really had an asthma attack I don't know what it is.

Off on my caravan this weekend so I will be relaxed and happy.

Thunder and lightning doesn't scare me but last night we had some horrible hits. The house shook enough to rattle the items on the bathroom cabinet. Very scary stuff.

FairyPrincessk

Fuddle, I do hope the x-ray results are clear! I secretly love T storms and lament that fact that they seem very rare in the UK!

I had a series of chest infections for several years and was finally given a blue inhaler as each time they kept suggesting I 'might' have asthma triggered by the infections. I never have issues when I'm well. The inhaler did help me to get over them more quickly and I haven't needed one for around three years now and seem to clear infections more quickly and easily so there is hope!

moneyistooshorttomention

One other thing too is that it's easy to see people like this the way they want to be seen sometimes - because they often genuinely believe they are "okay" people themselves/maybe even believe they are "good" people (despite having done Whatever It Was). They manage to convince other people - who will then sit there and take them at their own self-evaluation and be telling others that that person is good/normal/etc/etc (whilst someone else is sitting there on the sidelines thinking "Don't they know that person has done Whatever It Was? Don't they realise how awful that was?" and feeling really puzzled).

mardatha

Just reading on tbe BBC about the awful storms and rain down south - hope everybody is ok!

monnagran

Thank you all, lovely people.
Mila, you must be my soul sister, and I don't usually go in for sloppy. (Thank you tablet, I actually typed s o p p y but I'll accept sloppy.)

Fuddle. I wrote you a long PM last night but when I clicked on 'submit message' the blessed tablet ate it. I'll e-mail later.
In the meantime keep warm and rest.

As for the rest of you, I thank God everyday that not only do I have a legion of wonderful friends in RL, but have fallen in with this kind, wise, sympathetic, totally bonkers crowd here.

x

ivyleaf

Oh monnagran darling No wonder you've been in such a bad way. Huge (((HUGS))) to you, and to mila and WCS too.

fuddle So sorry you have flu so soon after being so poorly. Glad you're resting at any rate! I thought you'd been told the breathing problems you were putting down to panic attacks were actually asthma attacks? I must have misunderstood, wouldn't be the first time

mar I can contribute a scary stare too, plus if I'm really angry I shake alarmingly..... Stupid woman :mad: (not you, obviously.)

Not much sleep last night even with the fan on, but it's now cooler and wet and, yay, my headache has gone :j

silvasava

Fuddle - I would be very honoured to take everyone's worries and bad memories and lurking nasties aboard my little boat and dump them in the sea for a lovely storm to disperse them into miniscule pieces to be eaten by the crabs.
Can i dress up as Captain Jack - please please please

Knit_Witch

Can add in another seriously scary stare here (and no fear of the medical profession ) so if you want someone on crutches wielding what looks like a garotte :eek: (I use in the round knitting needles :rotfl:) then add me to the party :beer:

Monna, mila and WCS gentle huggles for you all

Fuddle you take care of yourself!

silva as Captain Jack hmmm (I keep thinking Dr Who/Torchwood but I guess from the boat comment you mean Cap'n Sparrow )

fuddle

No you're right Ivyleaf, that was a suggestion. But the same people didn't pick up on recurring pleurisy or pericarditis despite me insisting something else was going on. So I'm doing a Mar and decided I know me best. I know I've had a panic attack but I don't know I've had an asthma attack. I have to be like that because so much has gone on for too long I don't fully trust the medical profession. 2 days before I ended up in hospital I managed to get a GP appointment where I was staying in Scotland. The pain I was feeling was immense. As soon as I said I had pain in my chest that was radiating to my neck and left shoulder blade (I now know this is an indicator of something very wrong with my lungs) she told me that it was muscular and prescribed Naproxen an NSAID for muscle inflammation. We now know what was really wrong.

So I do believe I have asthma but I believe it is exercise induced and triggers for me are strong smells. I don't believe I have ever had an asthma attack though but I have had many a panic attack. I've learned that an 'anxious asthmatic' has meant that it was easy to put it down to that than discover what was really going on.

Still, I'm here and feeling better today.