The Garden Fence - help and support in tough times

[Deleted User]

Rebel is often a word used for independent minded people who won't allow themselves to be squashed into a mould that isn't the right shape for their ideas and aspirations in life petal. I might (well AM) just be a rebel too!!! I've known people who have given in to pressure and toe'd whatever line their parents/siblings/peers have decided they won't go beyond, married the 'right' boy, had the proscribed number of offspring, got the house, the car, the holidays, the lifestyle and the 'right' kind of friends etc. and as a consequence I've known some VERY bitter and discontented people who have never realised their potential as human beings. It's very sad!!! Being that rebel is never an easy journey but by golly it's better by far then being conventional and I wouldn't change anything from our lives, we've had fun!!!

mancbird

MrsLurcherwalker wrote: »

Rebel is often a word used for independent minded people who won't allow themselves to be squashed into a mould that isn't the right shape for their ideas and aspirations in life petal. I might (well AM) just be a rebel too!!! I've known people who have given in to pressure and toe'd whatever line their parents/siblings/peers have decided they won't go beyond, married the 'right' boy, had the proscribed number of offspring, got the house, the car, the holidays, the lifestyle and the 'right' kind of friends etc. and as a consequence I've known some VERY bitter and discontented people who have never realised their potential as human beings. It's very sad!!! Being that rebel is never an easy journey but by golly it's better by far then being conventional and I wouldn't change anything from our lives, we've had fun!!!

The funny thing is, I've always been a people pleaser! I did well academically at school and was the first in my family to go to uni. I did a course that I was expected to do but realised halfway through that it wasn't for me. By that stage I was too far through it to swap to something else so I finished the course and qualified and then worked for a few years in that field. I spent a long time doing what others thought I should do without really thinking about whether or not that was something I wanted to do.

I had a few health issues (painful but not serious) which led to me having two operations when I was around 30 years old and it was like a switch flipped. My consultant said I needed to think seriously about changing jobs as if I didn't, I stood a high chance of my health issues reoccurring and needing another op. I took voluntary redundancy from my job and took a less stressful one nearer home. When I had my babies I had a real shift in my attitude. I knew what I wanted and how we wanted to bring our children up. My husband had the same attitude as I did and we decided to stop doing what everyone said we should do and do what we thought would be best for our family.

About 2 and a half years ago something happened in my family which made me realise that unfortunately my parents were never going to treat me in the same way as they did my sister. It upset me immensely as it was very hurtful and I would never treat my own family in that way, but it has made me stronger and more able to follow my dreams for my own family.

It has been very hard at times financially but the skills I have learnt have helped us loads. We've got a vision in mind of what we want for our future and have followed this. We were living in a part of the country where we weren't happy, but 18 months ago my husband was offered a job that was perfect for him, but 250 miles from family and where we were living. We took the chance and moved and it was the best thing we've done. We love it here if we had listened to other people we might not have made the move!

monnagran

On reflection Lyn, I don't think there are many people on this forum who would fit into anyone's box. This is what makes it such a special place. I can imagine that if we all met up in RL there would be such a hubbub as we all shouted from our individual soap boxes.
I remember how outraged I was when someone described me as 'bohemian'. I complained long and bitterly to my best friend at work. She rang me up later that evening and said that she had been chatting with some others and the general consensus of opinion was that I was the most unconventional person they had met.i still think they were wrong but maybe I am slowly coming round to the idea.

Silvasava: You made a very valid point about people being regarded as commodities. When the government started meddling about with how and what teachers were teaching, my poor DB, who was head of a primary school, was getting hefty tomes of instructions every week. He took hours ploughing through this and at the end he went through it all again because he had realised that the word "child" was never used. All he had in his beloved school were "units of resource".

He recognised the same attitude when our lovely Dad was dying in hospital. Then he said that the old men in Dad's ward were not people they were bodies being processed.

I want to live in a world run by loving, compassionate, humourous, clever and totally crazy leaders. I want dreams and visions and off-the-wall ideas.

I think I've lived too long.

x

silvasava

My paternal grandmother was originally from Glasgow & had a horrendous childhood that I didn't discover until after she died. She was very independent, forthright and I loved her to bits. An old neighbour once described her as eccentric because she didn't do the Stepford wife bit! I do hope I've inherited some of her traits (apparently I do have the 'death stare' lol) I have the utmost admiration for what she overcame in her life and how she brought up her own children in very different times.
Monna - you are right and sometimes I feel the same way but I do think when you read the posts on here and other threads that a lot of us are creating a way of life that suits us and our families, is not consumer driven and celebrates our individuality. Like Pandora - I have hope.

mardatha

Funny how different family members are... I was an only one and grew up wanting loads of brothers to play with, but now I see so many families who don't talk or don't see their siblings - it probly wouldn't have worked out the way I expected it to.
I have 3 kids and 2 of them don't talk to the youngest one. They are all very different types of people, none of them are aware of current events or into the things I like. My daughter is as unlike me as it's possible to be - very much into consumerism and facebook feuds and soaps (anguished scream!!) I sometimes think I picked up the wrong wee pink bundle !

monnagran

Mar. I know just what you mean. It's amazing how siblings from the same gene pool and brought up the same way by the same parents can turn out to be so totally different. It does restore one's Faith in the complete haphazardness of the universe.
I always say that I brought up my boys to be independent, to think outside the box, to have the courage of their convictions and not to be afraid to stand up for their beliefs.

They punished me by doing all those things.

x

pollyanna_26

I would like to thank everyone for their recent very interesting posts .
We all seem to be singing from the same hymn sheet . I was labelled by my mum as the odd one out among my siblings because I always questioned things that were considered the norm . This came to a head when I put an alternative view to our parish priest on something he said unconnected to religion -- this was when priests used to visit the home for a cup of tea and a chat . My mother was horrified and replied that God would strike me dead ( my three younger siblings waited for a week in anticipation ! )
From then on I marched to a different drum . I believe all are are equal and should be treated with fairness and respect . The things that were fought for over many decades and sometimes died for should not be eroded to suit political ends or someones ego .
I have fought all my life . Suddenly left to raise my four children alone in the late seventies I fought into the eighties to be given a mortgage and despite the big rise in interest rates and after the 25 year term having to make up the shortfall due to the endowment con , I'm still here . It frustrates me that much of society is now walking towards the slaughterhouse with blinkers . Many of us here remember all the good changes to support the population in a fair manner . We know that being fair and kind to all makes better in ourselves . Looking to caring for our children , spending only what we have and using the skills that have sustained generations before us has helped us . My children did inherit the os ways but many didn't and I worry for them . I hate the blind belief that those in the know are working in our interest but how do we ever change that ?
polly

pollyanna_26

Nurse Maggie Sending good luck to your son Hope you are ok .
Mancbird Wishing you and your family well . Sounds like you made the best decision for you all .
Monna(gran ? )
May I make a heartfelt plea on behalf of an always present canine member of this thread ? It is surprising that you of all people do not realise that Docky is one of the angels now and therefore elevated far above us mere mortals . You have the honour of being his chosen contact on earth and should pay due respect I think he's been fooling us all and is currently writing his autobiography .
I agree re adult children beating us with our own stick !
polly

[Deleted User]

Pore ANTY MONNA Iz mine Mumi wot iz sayin I'ze inna hottt playse an lergik to fevers, tickulry wite wuns and vat eye dusernt lyksiz ver Harp mewsik, Anty Monna woz tellin Mumi vat shey woz bein rewd bout meeee fer sayin vat, sea, sumwun nose wot Ize reeely lyke!!!

Ize likin ANTY POLI tew, koz shey sticksez upppp fer pore likkle goggiez wot is inna efer ann nott aktuly erliyve eny moor!!! Eye luvsiz yew bofe, frum Docky xxxxxxx.

ginnyknit

My Ds was made redundant yesterday. They announced a month ago that redundancies were in the pipeline and everyone had to apply for the positions that would be left. Ds refused to apply for his own job at less money than he is on now. He has been doing this job with a private agreement that he would be paid X number of pounds as long as he did a managers job without the title.

They were disappointed he wouldn't take it :mad: Boss arrived last week and spoke for 10 minutes before announcing he had to go before he ended up divorced! Ds said ' You do reaise that we all have families and commitments too' - fell on stony ground.

I have no doubt he will find another job with less responsibility and the same money. Sometimes you just have to stick to your principles and not be walked all over.

Happily he and wee wifey are very frugal and have savings so he has a little time to get sorted.