The Garden Fence - help and support in tough times

ivyleaf

burtha wrote: »

Little House dog will quite happily spend her time on her back playing pat-a-cake with you ....moving her feet in time to the rhyme ....
Youngest son was always missing ...found either asleep in dogs bed or on dog ....or even after a 20min search when he was about 5 , panic , in the chicken house covered in happy chickens .....

Aww, that's so cute

silvasava

It's amazing how animals can be so empathiç with children - read of a couple of instances recently where autistic children have been helped considerably by a pet who seems to understand them completely. My Mum visited a friend for a few days on a farm. They lost me (18 months old?) & apparently I was found in the stable, covered in muck and playing with the fetlocks on the hind leg of a shire horse!! Mum nearly passed out but her friend said not to worry - they know she's there and wouldn't tread on her - don't ever remember visiting again lol!!

[Deleted User]

Thank you for your kind wishes. I have lots of posts to thank, which I will do in a few minutes. It has been a long three days and I kept myself artificially busy, and burnt lots of candles.

Dh died yesterday one year ago and last night, seven hours later than the time he died, a dear sister in law died, she was 10 years younger than me, it was sudden over the past three days, when she took a terrible downturn in her health.

So I have been concentrating on my brother, who is now going through raw grief. I have survived these days and can only go forward now but don`t think I can go to the funeral, it will be too emotional for me. A 4 hour drive each way and two nights up there. I think I would not cope but if any of you have helpful thoughts about this, then please post.I have siblings who will be there. The upside has been the solid strength of the siblings, all of them helping me as well as our youngest brother

Life eh!!

elona

kittie

Would it be easier if you took the train and a sibling picked you up?

I know the grief would be the same but at least you would not have eight hours driving on top.

Hugs

monnagran

Kittie: I can quite see where you are coming from and it is completely understandable that you would find it impossibly difficult to sit through another funeral when you are still mourning on your own account.

I just wonder if at some time in the future you might regret not being with your family at this time. You say that all the siblings are pulling together and from what I hear this is a fairly unusual state of affairs so I wonder if you might, at some point wish that you had been with them. It doesn't mean that you have to go through the funeral but would it be possible for you just to be around for your family, even if it's putting the kettle on and making the tea. You might find it cathartic to weep with your family.
Do you have to do the journey in one day? An overnight stay somewhere could make all the difference to how you feel.

Whatever you decide it sounds as if you have a lovely supportive family. Give yourself a few days to see how you feel about just being with them.

Hold on Kittie, we are all rooting for you.

x

Sorry, when I read your post again I realised that you weren't proposing to do the trip in one day anyway. Scrub that bit.

mardatha

Kittie, I don't do funerals - for a lot of reasons. I would find it much more natural and spiritual to light at candle at home and send her into spirit in a wave of gentle remembrance and love. But I do have different beliefs to most people and realise that wouldn't go down well with many.

nursemaggie

Monna has a point about the family. Is there anyone locally to you that would take you? I am sure you will be a big help to your brother if you are actually there and not just on the phone.

monnagran

Kittie: I can quite see where you are coming from and it is completely understandable that you would find it impossibly difficult to sit through another funeral when you are still mourning on your own account.

I just wonder if at some time in the future you might regret not being with your family at this time. You say that all the siblings are pulling together and from what I hear this is a fairly unusual state of affairs so I wonder if you might, at some point wish that you had been with them. It doesn't mean that you have to go through the funeral but would it be possible for you just to be around for your family, even if it's putting the kettle on and making the tea. You might find it cathartic to weep with your family.
Do you have to do the journey in one day? An overnight stay somewhere could make all the difference to how you feel.

Whatever you decide it sounds as if you have a lovely supportive family. Give yourself a few days to see how you feel about just being with them.

Hold on Kittie, we are all rooting for you.

x

camelot1001

So sorry kittie.

I agree with monna that you may feel later that you should have been there and was wondering what you would do with yourself while everyone else is paying their respects - it's a long time to be on your own.

monnagran

Sorry again. I don't know why this post suddenly reappeared.

x