No More Chardonnay for me! My booze-free Diary

Chardonnay

Hi MC! Ooh, hope you have a lovely break and manage a run along the seafront - that sounds really lovely!

I'm ready for Friday too! We are planning a fairly quiet weekend, doing parkrun on Saturday - it's OH's first one too so that'll be interesting! On BH Monday, dad and I are going to run to the nearest town, along the canal. I think it's about 8 miles so we will have to take it very easy and may walk a bit of the way. I am running 6 miles once a week now so I think it would be good to up it a little bit but I will be doing it more for the enjoyment, rather than trying to do it fast!

We are then in work on Tuesday, and then off on holiday on Wednesday! We have extended it by a couple of days and are stopping off in Devon on the way back, so will be away for 8 nights. I am sooooo looking forward to it, really feel l like I need a break. At the moment, I am not struggling with drinking thoughts. I really hope that lasts!

We have booked some lovely hotels to stay in - not gone for the cheapest option which I may have done in the past. It made me think, when I was drinking, holidays would be all about the drink. I wouldn't be that worried about where we stayed as long as there was plenty of alcohol around! Now my priorities have changed - I want to stay somewhere nice and comfortable and really relax.

I've just worked out I'm on Day 75 today!

Have a fab holiday MC!

Carviscocker

Good morning everyone.. I hope you don't mind me joining you? I've read the thread with interest and am on day 5 of being AF. I've been thinking about it for a while but I really need to do this for myself so I stop sabotaging myself! After seriously offending a very good friend on a night out and having no recollection of my appalling behaviour I hope you can understand the humiliation of receiving a very detailed message of not only my behaviour but how they felt about it. I really need to get a grip and realise I'm not a nice person when I drink.

The fact that you have all been so candid about your journeys has given me hope that I can do this.

Chardonnay

Hi Carvis - great name! Course we don't mind you joining us - great to hear from you!

Well done for being on Day 5. I think we all have a period of thinking about going AF before we actually commit to it. Ah, that must have been awful to get that message from your friend and not to be able to remember what you did/said. I think we've all been there to some extent - not being able to remember things that happened the night before is really scary. That used to happen to me on a regular basis and I now can't believe that I used to live like that. I know that I did things that were out of character for me but only because I was told about them. I still can't remember them! (Probably just as well )

Try not to beat yourself up about it though. The important thing is that it has made you really look at your drinking and do something about it. You can do this - there's so much support out there. Please keep posting here and let us know how you're getting on!

Honey_Bear

I hope you won't mind, Chardonnay, if I welcome Carvis, too? Your comments about the incident that triggered the idea of stopping rang bells with me, too. I'd be very interested in knowing just how many of us have been so appalled by how we behaved that it was enough to make us decide to stop. I can't remember what I said (shouted) but I do remember what I did, and it's behaviour that was so extreme for me that it was enough to make me stop after quite a while of heavier-than-healthy drinking. And if I'm being honest, I'd been worried enough about my drinking to read around the subject of stopping, so for quite a while. The only time I managed to get to Day 5 was when I stopped for good, so it's possible if you seek out the right support for you. I get all of mine online and I know I wouldn't have succeeded without it. Good luck with it.

Your holiday plans sound excellent, Chardonnay. Have a lovely, lovely time.

Carviscocker

Thank you both for the encouragement and welcome! I'd say because of work commitments I'm a binge drinker but as soon as I had any time off I slipped into daily/every other day so easily.. I think I read Chardonnay that you thought you needed it socially to give you confidence etc. I really felt the same but when I think about I couldn't have been behaving more antisocially ��. I work shifts so I feel like I'm currently in a bit of a save zone but my days off are Sunday Monday Tuesday.. I think this will be the struggle!

HB I've definitely googled excessive drinking on a number of occasions so it's been a long time coming! I just need to try and build bridges again.. I just don't know where to start. I've apologised profusely but that just seems so pathetic!

Anyway I hope you both have a lovely day and are looking forward to the BH weekend xx

Chardonnay

Of course I don't mind HB! This thread doesn't belong to me and everyone plays their part in it - you are a huge support to me and a lot of other people!

It must help to harden your resolve if you have an incident that horrifies you so much that you know you need to stop drinking. Although I have had bad incidents caused by drinking in the past, at the time, it never really occurred to me to stop - only cut down, and we all know how that goes! For me, it was a creeping realisation that my body and mind just can't seem to tolerate alcohol at all well any more. And also since getting into my 40's, I have started to think about my health a lot more and been a lot more aware of my mortality.

By the way, did you see on the news this week that they are recommending abstaining completely from alcohol if you have a family history of cancer as it can increase the risk of developing the disease. With both of my parents having been affected by cancer, this just reinforces to me that I am doing the right thing stopping!

Thanks HB, so looking forward to it! :cool:

Chardonnay

Hi Carvis, yes I did definitely start drinking to give me confidence in social situations. As a shy teenager, I'd sometimes shake with nerves before I went out, so took to drinking at home before going out and it just snowballed from there. Now I'm in my 40's, I am a lot more confident but I think the drinking just became a habit and I associated it with having fun. Most of my friends like a drink too so it seemed normal to drink to excess on a night out. I now know that I don't need drink to have a good time - the cocktails and karaoke night back in March is proof of that! I still look back and marvel at how strong and confident I felt and I know if I can sing in front of people sober, I can do anything!

It must help you with working shifts over the weekend - the traditional nights to go out. I guess that tomorrow will be telling for you. You should try and plan ahead for the next three days so that you're prepared for the pangs!

Ah, such a hard situation with your friend. Have you told them you aren't drinking due to what happened? I can imagine how you feel, I am always mortified if I upset someone but hopefully they will come round with time.

Chardonnay

Just to say that I did parkrun this morning and got a PB again and was really happy with my time! (My 4th PB in a row - this not drinking is really paying off! :j) BUT this time I didn't feel the temptation to drink - well maybe a couple of fleeting thoughts but nothing like the last time.) We've been shopping and I've bought some Sainsburys Cranberry and Lime sparkling juice and some nice snacks for tonight.

I'm just pleased that my brain is letting up on me a bit with the drinking thoughts!

Hope you're all having a great BH weekend! :cool:

Carviscocker

Well done on the park run Chardonnay! Going alcohol free obviously really does help! Thank you for your reply.. It's nice to be able to be put down what I'm thinking! I think I will mention it to my friend.. I have actually made attempts to cut it out before but my group are quite big drinkers and I gave in to the suggestions that I should have a glass. I'm going to tell them all I think. Say it's something I want to do for me etc

So pleased to have some days off! My job is very stressful so I'm looking forward to finding something else to do to relax other than drinking wine ha ha

7 days done woo hoo! Hope you all have lovely BH's! X

Honey_Bear

I've found the Echo Falls sparkling non-alcoholic white wine! It's our anniversary coming up so I'll try it then; with any luck it'll be slightly less sweet than the Sainsbobs sparkling AF white. I found a single bottle in the biggest Sainbsobs near here - nowhere else had it. We'll see how it goes.

Not having had a reply to my email (and I think I've worked out why now - they probably didn't get it) I phoned the restaurant about our anniversary dinner booking. They're fine with me taking pre-chilled B***s B**e and say they just want customers to have a lovely time so they won't charge corkage. To be honest, and I'm amazed I'm saying this, I'd rather pay corkage. They don't load bills with service charges and the ethos behind what they're doing is important to us because they use less popular totally sustainable fish; they're locally owned and very, very well run. Most restaurants make a lot more profit on booze and soft drinks than they do on food so I'm effectively going to be costing them money which is not what I want at all. I'm going to have to find a way around it. I think the only way to deal with it is work out what the normal mark up is on BB and then give the restaurant that, otherwise I'll just feel like I'm ripping them off.

Well done on the Parkrun, Chardonnay. Personal Bests are what it's all about!