No More Chardonnay for me! My booze-free Diary

Chardonnay

Hi thriftmonster! I know exactly what you mean, I'm not really a TV person either and can get quite bored in the evenings and end up aimlessly surfing the net on my laptop! There are odd programmes that I like to watch, but something has to be really good to keep my attention - I think I have a low boredom threshold!

I also completely relate to what you say about using wine to fill in the time. I've thought a lot about why I used to drink and I do think boredom had a lot to do with it. Finding healthier hobbies and interests to do to fill the time is definitely on my to do list!

Chardonnay

I'm definitely the same HB - late nights don't suit me at all! It's a bit rubbish but I guess we are all different and I'm definitely more of a lark than an owl these days!

Talking of that, we were in bed by 10.15 last night and I read until 10.45 and was then awake before 6 this morning! I am hoping that will help the tiredness tomorrow. We needed to get up early anyway as OH is running the parkrun course this morning and wanted to get out before it got too warm.

I had a very tricky day yesterday. I did parkrun in the morning and (apologies for running talk again) managed to get under 30 minutes for the first time at parkrun. Now this is something that I have been trying to do since starting parkrun nearly 18 months ago so to actually finally achieve it yesterday felt amazing! I was absolutely buzzing after and felt like I just had too much adrenaline going round my body and yes, you've guessed it, my thoughts then turned to drinking to celebrate. I ruminated about it for a couple of hours and was close to putting a half bottle of Prosecco in the fridge. OH was the voice of reason and said that I shouldn't drink last night as I wouldn't be able to run this morning. Strangely, once I'd spoken to him about it the urge lessened and then I went out for a walk to burn off some energy. Then last night I was shattered and the craving had completely gone. I actually felt really thirsty so had a couple of glasses of San Pellegrino fizzy water with a slice of lemon and they hit the spot.

I think there were several reasons for that yesterday. Firstly, it was that wanting to celebrate thing again and that I deserved some fun (it was blo*dy hard work! ) Secondly, it was something I'd aimed for for such a long time and suddenly I'd achieved that so didn't have such a good reason not to drink. Thirdly, we are coming up to my longest time AF - 64 days today - or already my longest time if you count the infamous glass of Cava last time.

Of course, this morning I am so glad that I didn't drink last night! But I have to say, I have considered perhaps drinking when I go on holiday in 2.5 weeks. I'm not sure yet, but I really do miss a couple of glasses of wine with a meal out so I'm not sure whether to relax a bit and see how I get on. I don't know, I need to give it some thought. I do know that if it affects my running, I won't be able to do it. To me, running is much more important now. I love the way it makes me feel and look - strong and fit. Sorry to sound obsessive but alcohol cannot get in the way of that! I don't know, something to ponder on I guess!

For now, the sun in shining and I'm off to run around a lake and have coffee and cake afterwards! Hope you're all having a great weekend! :cool:

satchmo1

Well done on sub-30 minutes parkrun Chardonnay, that's super impressive! I'd be happy to manage sub-35!


Also well done on resisting the celebratory Prosecco, it wasn't worth breaking your streak on.


Only you know how you'd feel about drinking whilst on holiday later this month. Have you "thought it through to the aftermath"?

Chardonnay

Thanks Satchmo! It's taken some determination and hard work but so pleased to finally have achieved it!

I do need to think the drinking on holiday through to the aftermath I know. I am having second thoughts about it now. I just had a bit of an up and down weekend. Last night I was really upset about something and felt so worked up and anxious - haven't felt like that for ages! But I wasn't tempted to drink as I knew that wouldn't make anything any better.

I do mostly love being AF. I think the time that I miss a drink most though is when we sit down for a meal out. It just doesn't seem the same without a couple of glasses of wine. I think I need to find an AF drink that I can enjoy with my food. I have thought a lot about drinking on holiday over the weekend and if I'm really honest with myself, it would still be a struggle not to get carried away. Moderating is so hard - it takes up so much of your brain! Where does it stop? Do I tell myself I will just have two glasses of wine with dinner? What about if we go out for lunch? What happens when we sit on the balcony later, or go to the pub for a drink? I will have had my quota then! Will I then feel deprived if I have to sit there with a lime and soda while my brain is screaming at me to carry on drinking? And then there's the tiredness and grumpiness that creeps up after having a couple of drinks and then stopping. And what if I do get carried away and drink more than planned? Will I run the next day? Hmm, I don't think so. I am entered into my first 10k race 1.5 weeks after I get back - the one I didn't do last time because I drank too much on holiday funnily enough, and deeply regretted not doing. What will happen if I drink on holiday - will I again duck out of doing the race?

Maybe having a meal out won't be the same again without wine and maybe I just need to accept that. It's only a very small part of the holiday after all and surely will be made up for by feeling great for the rest of it!

It's helpful to get these thoughts out and I know deep down that I shouldn't drink on holiday. Thanks Satchmo, just those words were so helpful to me! I hope you've had a nice weekend!

Chardonnay

Just to say, I sold my top on ebay for £6.51 so my first foray into selling went well! I also won a dress for 99p + P&P which I thought would be great for my holiday - will have to be careful not to spend all my profits!:D

So yesterday I listed 5 more items. It took me a while to sort the photos out - I know why now and it should be easier next time. It's quite addictive!

I'm just waiting for confirmation that the recycling factory have received my used ink cartridges and that should be another £18. Every little helps!

Honey_Bear

Chardonnay wrote: »

Hi thriftmonster! I know exactly what you mean, I'm not really a TV person either and can get quite bored in the evenings and end up aimlessly surfing the net on my laptop! There are odd programmes that I like to watch, but something has to be really good to keep my attention - I think I have a low boredom threshold!

I also completely relate to what you say about using wine to fill in the time. I've thought a lot about why I used to drink and I do think boredom had a lot to do with it. Finding healthier hobbies and interests to do to fill the time is definitely on my to do list!

Going to bed earlier and reading, as opposed to surfing, has defo brought huge benefits to my life. As long as I wake up naturally I can get up earlier having felt I've had a lie in, get on with doing things I want to do and enjoy the day. It's one of the unexpected benefits of knocking the drinking on the head.

Chardonnay, it sounds as though you are seriously considering giving yourself permission to drink when you are on holiday. I very, very occasionally get the feeling that it would be great to have a glass of wine with my evening meal but, unlike you, I absolutely know where that would lead me. Maybe there are people who can moderate once they pass the critical point of alcohol being a necessary part of their lives - I'm not one. I know that if I had one I could stop on that occasion, but the next night I would allow myself two and then I'd be back to where I started. As Belle said, having Day 1 after Day 1 after Day 1 is much, much tougher than Day 365+. I can honestly say I love not having to listen to that little voice tempting me to consider it, and the secret to my getting this far, without a doubt, is finding an AF drink I can enjoy, and I mean that - actually enjoy. I don't feel deprived at all once I have it in my hand when I sit down to eat. Please, please don't set yourself up for what happened last time you went on holiday. There might be a time in the future when you could have that glass of wine with dinner - when you're 50, when you retire, when you get your State Pension, whenever, but at the moment, your stated aim was that you want to be AF. It's a good place to be. By the time you've finished your main course th urge to drink will have passed, by the way. It really is that fleeting.

MarylandCookie_2

Hey Chardonnany, brill news on your park run result, well done! I'm still on week 3 of couch to 5k! To be honest I've been doing so many classes at the gym I've just not had time to run. I did a brilliant boot camp Sunday morning, it meant I went out and didn't drink Saturday night, but it was worth it!

I can understand where you're coming from about having a drink on holiday, as thats something I really enjoy. I've no words of wisdom, HB has said everything I'd like to in a much more articulate way than I ever could! Have you tried visualisation? It's something I do when I'm trying to make a decision, and how I'd feel before, during and then how I'd feel after with different outcomes, imagining each different outcome and how I'd feel with each outcome, if that makes sense!

Have a great week, hope you don't feel too weary today! X

Chardonnay

Helloooo!!! Sorry for the negative post at the weekend, back on track now!

I need to start putting the laptop down a lot earlier too HB. A lot of the time I am just aimlessly surfing. I do enjoy going to bed early with a good book.

Thanks for your wise words about drinking on holiday. You're right, I was giving myself permission to drink on holiday. Maybe that was what I needed to do to get through Saturday AF, I don't know. I do know it was my hardest day to date and thinking that I could drink at a point in the future, rather than there and then seemed to help my brain to calm down.

I feel like I am over that blip now and need to commit to not drinking on holiday, or for the foreseeable future. Otherwise, I will talk myself into again. And you are right, that glass of Cava on holiday was really not worth it. I really don't want to be back at Day 1 again when I get back from holiday. I like feeling stronger and I like how my anxiety has lessened so much. If I am really honest with myself, I know that two glasses of wine with dinner won't be enough and I know that even that amount is enough to ruin my quality of sleep and make me feel sluggish. You are very right when you say that the urge to drink is very fleeting really. I just have to ride it out and the benefits will be immense!

Thanks MC! Wow, you sound very dedicated to your fitness! It really helps with cutting down on the drink doesn't it? Knowing that you couldn't drink on Saturday night and do the boot camp and choosing the boot camp over the drink is a sign of how far you've come! :T

Visualisation could be the key, I agree! I am trying to "play the tape through to the end" as they say, and also be honest with myself about moderating.

Also meditation - I'm still reading the Mind Calm book and getting impatient now to get started (probably not the right mind set! Ha ha!). I do feel that getting into a regular meditation habit could really help me. I want to be healthy, I want to make changes to my life and being AF has really encouraged that in me. I've stopped worrying about sugar intake at the moment as think it would be a mistake to try and cut down on that at the moment.

I had such an apt email from Belle this morning from a lady who didn't drink for a year and a half (I think) then decided to drink on holiday and then wasn't able to stop again for 3 years! Wow, that hit the spot with me! I love Belle's emails. I'm not keen on emailing her ever day to say I'm sober but I do still get such a lot from her emails and think she's great!

Hope you're both ok and have a good week! I still felt weary yesterday MC, think it's just the way I'm made! Much better today though thanks!

satchmo1

Chardonnay, "Maybe that was what I needed to do to get through Saturday AF, ... and thinking that I could drink at a point in the future, rather than there and then seemed to help my brain to calm down."


That made me think about how I motivate myself to keep running when I want to walk. I tell myself I can stop after the next lamp post. Generally I manage to then set my sights on another target until the urge to walk has passed.


If that rings a bell, then find a future occasion to focus on when the urge to drink occurs?


Well done on "thinking it through to the end", you are doing brilliantly.

Honey_Bear

Chardonnay wrote: »

I had such an apt email from Belle this morning from a lady who didn't drink for a year and a half (I think) then decided to drink on holiday and then wasn't able to stop again for 3 years! Wow, that hit the spot with me! I love Belle's emails. I'm not keen on emailing her ever day to say I'm sober but I do still get such a lot from her emails and think she's great!

I read her email this morning first, so I was trying to work out how to get the text to you - because it was so apt! I'm so glad you've already turned the corner on your thinking, realising what was going on in your mind.

The important thing is that you posted about it, rather than pretended everything in the garden was rosy while calculating behind the scenes on what you planned to do on holiday. Excellent!