Benefit and help entitlement (Housing benefit)

misspickle_2

I love the post girl from mars sent.
So true.
There are so many lovely people out there Sam

sheramber

I hope you can get something sorted so that you can start to go forward with your life.

But, while you are set on living in the country, have you considered what it will cost in a week to travel back to care for your mother and then home again.

Also, sometimes country places have limited bus services so do check before you arrange a move.

BigAunty

sam25 wrote: »

I can already prove that I have access to 0 bedrooms (my room is the dining room filled with mould because of the patio window). Yet proving SA/depression (especially from the way I am treated here) could be trickier due to dr's fobbing me off. ...

Would the council even boost me up the list for those reasons?

As I have already outlined, social housing landlords set their own policies on a case by case basis so you will have to plough through their allocation policies to determine if you will be treated as a priority.

Some may even have a policy about 'habitable' rooms and class dining rooms as a potential bedroom. No-one here can answer your question.

You've already said that there is a regular supply of 1 bedroom houses in the countryside that are only attracting the odd bid anyway, so it may just take a bit of patience.

sam25 wrote: »

The problem is actively living here.

I have always known the source of the problem is in this house ...

... Thus the countryside is the best option. A smaller community, having to travel on the bus frequently are things that will benefit me and allow me to think differently about things.

...Whenever I need to go to town or the shops I am very nervous. When I go to town I end up having a few alcoholic drinks because I am so nervous that people do look at me and sometimes make nasty comments. Alcohol removes that nervousness.

Again, that's where a small country village helps. Instead of having to go through a busy town packed with people, I can be in a smaller community and slowly integrate myself with smaller numbers of people.

So if formal support hasn't helped - counselling and medication - and neither has informal support (Samaritans, online forums, etc) for your mental health conditions, how precisely do you think they will be resolved?

I do not think a council house will be the magic bullet that you hope, though it will obviously improve your standard of living and can be a boost to your morale. Do not confuse this with guaranteed recovery from your illness.

You have long-term entrenched mental illness, by the way you have outlined it. You still take your thoughts with you.

The quietness of the countryside, which you seem to think is perfect for your nervousness, could easily be something that is socially isolating. A smaller community can be a nosey one, or cliquey one.

Having a nice place to live doesn't cure depression, social anxiety, alcohol abuse, addiction to cigarettes. The moment you get the key to your own place, you will experience a great feeling but it won't make you able to stride around town, be a confident interviewee for a job, able to impress your family members, etc.

When other posters have wrote about you taking your thoughts with you (even to a nicer place), you seem to think they were saying that you have imaginary problems whereas you actually have suffered from bereavement, poverty and bullying.

To be clear, what I think we are saying is that you have a general lack of resilience, suffering a great deal, in response to issues that other people would bounce back from much quicker, and with less toll on their health and welfare.

To me, you seem fairly stuck in the past (quite a typical symptom of your condition) though it's great that you've started looking forward, making plans to be independent.

Recovery from chronic social anxiety requires sustained mental health treatment but you seem to think you have exhausted all avenues there and are putting great store into accommodation being the cure. I can see how living in your own place will lead to a degree of happiness but it won't sort out your negative self-judgements, your social withdrawal, tendency to self-medicate.

[Deleted User]

Hi Sam,

I totally understand how you are feeling.There is no easy answer unfortunately.

As much as you're Mum needs you how do you feel about moving out and applying for social care for her?

I don't feel its a good way for you to live life but I totally understand after all it is you're Mum.You only get one of those!

It sounds like living in the dining room surrounded by mold is not good for ones self esteem or general health either.

There is no easy answer but isolating ones self is no good.You must try a volunteer job or anything just to get you out.
I know you're nervous and full of fear but you can't go on like this.

I suggest looking into Mums arrangements and maybe moving out to a shared house with one or two people?(I guess this fills you with fear too)

List the benefits you get please and maybe we can work out a plan?

Getting you're own place with limited budget is going to prove hard but by no means impossible.

Oh and DUMP you're DR immediately and get a new one.

Then walk into the next doctor and be firm about you're situation and don't leave until something is sorted out.

I see you tried citalopram.How did this make you feel?How long did/have you been taking it?

There are many medications now that can help but using these can have there own set of problems. But by the sounds of it you're willing to try anything.

Look, if you wish PM me anytime and maybe I can help or just carry on posting here.

Good luck:)

BigAunty

To the OP - has your mother ever had a social services assessment to see if she'd qualify for any visiting carers? I don't know how these things operate, to be honest, perhaps other posters can comment on the feasibility?

noname28

Hi Sam I read your post and could symtpathize, I have social anxiety and was 27 sick of living at my parents I thought the answer too all my problems was moving out. I got a full time job as a cleaner so I wouldnt have to deal with people I thought this would be a good job, I ended up saving up for my own place it was a one bed self contained but I was finally living on my own. Things went bad i was very lonely i was even more isolated than before I was scared to go shopping so went hungry i got really low and lost weight fortunatly i met my partner I ended up leaving my job I was getting bullied by older work colleages. I now live in a house with my partner but the time I spent on my own were hard and not like I had imagined in my head at all.
I dont think anything will improve until you get help with the SA have you tried CBT maybe join a gym as you would get cheap rates also doing a study course to improve your qualifications

sam25

Thanks all for your replies. Just catching up with reading them now and will answer them as best I can.

It's been like a domino effect for me. I put myself out of a situation that has caused me problems, soon after another situation occurs.

WORK - Yeah I worked for over 5 years. I got the job when I still had friends and that social aspect of my life (Just about, because bear in mind I had social anxiety since I was young, but didn't know the name of it until a few years ago). Just like noname28, I was bullied by the older staff members. Namely management who treated me like dirt because I am male and under the age of 40 (The manager was female and formed a clique between her and female staff members her age). I left for 2 reasons. Firstly I knew my health was deteriorating mentally (So many people told me they can certainly see I am battling depression), secondly because I was not going to put up with being spoken to and treated like dirt.

My plan was to get help from a GP, be signed off short term and claim ESA while I go through CBT and recovery and then get another job. At first this went to plan and that GP claimed I had "mild depression" (it was certainly far from mild) and signed me off. Barely a few weeks later when I saw them again they went back on their offers of help, told me it's nothing but "stress" and I was given minimal help.

Then I had the battle with ATOS. While not getting help for my exact problem, ATOS declared me as fit to work and I lost ESA. This left me with no choice but to claim Carers Allowance as with no ESA, I was in a bad place financially. I was prepared to care for my mother without claiming benefits, but this forced me to claim CA.

Ever since I have battled to get myself fit enough to work. I have been brushed aside by GP's, not offered the help I require and although I have been to countless job interviews since, have always been rejected. This can be down to my nervousness. In 1 interview, because I was on edge and nervous, I was asked if I wanted a glass of water. Then they said to me i'm not going to be in trouble but for my own safety had to ask if I have taken any drugs. People misinterpret my nervousness and on edge look and no doubt this prevent's anyone wanting to employ me.

The Samaritans were not unsympathetic as such... More patronising. Each time I explained my situation to them I was told to do things I have already tried 1000 times over.

People can indeed be clueless to this. Like when I went through gambling addiction for 4 years. I had generic advice from people and The Samaritans... "Go to gamcare", "Go to GA". I tried those services 100's of times over but they were no help. Guess how I managed to quit in the end?? By picking myself up off the floor, using my own strength, willpower and doing what I thought in my head. I haven't gambled since.


Voluntary work - Not an option, already looked into it. The voluntary work in this area is to do with helping vulnerable people and requires a CRB check. As I put in another post, I went through domestic abuse at 1 point. I reported it, yet after 1 incident the police arrested me with the assumption that it's normally the man who hits the woman. She was not going to tell them otherwise and I ended up getting a caution for assault. I spent 6 months working with a family solicitor putting proof and evidence together (including recordings) that I had done nothing wrong. The police ended up removing it from my record, yet by law it still shows that I was "arrested on suspicion of assault". So the CRB check fails.


Situation with my mother - Unfortunately another family member who owns this house refuses any social care or help. She doesn't want them in her home. I have emailed social workers myself and the main consultant who have told me that because it's her house, if she refuses the offers to help my mum then there is nothing they can do. This family member would never put her in a care home and even so, due to the nature of her disease we have been told that being in somewhere like a care home could cause a rapid decline.


At the moment it's like I have no ways to better myself. I don't get a say with anything that happens in this house and certainly there is nothing that I can progress towards. For example let's take a side hobby of mine since I was a kid... Football. Locally there is an indoor football place that does tournaments. Ideal for me, yet because I have no friends to make a team with, I can't join (nothing else I can do).

I am never involved in house maintenance and I don't get to make any decisions here.


That's where the idea for my own place also comes in. When I am allowed to better myself, I have this deep feeling of motivation and professionalism. I focus on the end result which then will allow me to be in situations where I can better myself.

It's hard to explain because chances like this rarely come up but I will try.... 7 months ago I needed a new computer. When I had been into computer shops on previous occasions (to browse), my typical nervousness was there. I made no eye contact, didn't say a word, was physically nervous. Yet on this 1 occasion I went there knowing I will be getting a new, faster computer out of it which will allow me to watch films in the evening in better quality and load software quicker. I went in and while my nervousness wasn't entirely gone I managed to speak a bit to the guy working there, asked a few questions, said about a TV series I was planning on catching up on. It was an improvement. Yet 2 months ago when I went there to browse again, I was the same old nervous person.

See what I mean though? I can't control my nervousness, yet SA and everything else aside, in this house I have rarely any occasions like this because it's not my house and I get no say over anything.

My own place would be filled with those occasions, bettering my life by doing things to make life better in the property I am in (buying a household appliances, little things to make the living conditions more comfortable or nicer). There will always be something.

This would then lead to more social interaction with people. For all I know I could see that guy from the computer shop in town and there could be a conversation formed regarding how i'm getting on with it and the TV shows. Then as time progresses we could become friends or at least that would be 1 person I get to have social interaction with.

GirlFromMars_2

Ok, so, I think the first thing we need to address is your way of thinking. I had a major problem with this in the past. I am not depressed, I know I'm not depressed, and never have been. But the months (years?) I spent trying to convince my friends of this were the most frustrating and difficult of my life. Because there is no way to convince people who already think you are depressed that you aren't by complaining that people think you are depressed. (Notice how often the word depressed came up in that paragraph? I wasn't but that is what my friends heard!)

So, bearing that in mind, I think you could re-frame some of the problems you reiterate above. You are assuming you have exhausted all of your options for many of the things you mention, and as a result you talk about them in a very negative manner. Yes, it does indeed seem that you have explored a lot of the issues, but that doesn't mean to say that other people won't have some ideas that could help you. And yes, some of our ideas may well be things you have tried before, without any success, but there are more positive ways of talking about them.

So, you like football. Instead of saying you have tried everything to get involved, you could ask us if we have any ideas of how you could get involved. We may not come up with anything you've not done already but asking for help is much more positive than shutting us down from the start by saying you have already tried everything.

You say you've looked at volunteering, but only at volunteering with vulnerable people. So your question should be do we have any other ideas? I find it very hard to believe that a town with a computer shop doesn't have a host of Charity Shops, it's not all about customer service, there are plenty of quiet back room jobs you could get on with without having to engage with customers.

So, by all means tell us you've tried something already, but try not to get caught in the negativity of it. Even just asking for more ideas about how to overcome a hurdle at the end of a rant will be more positive.

It sounds like you have a lot of determination, but all the set backs have severely dented your optimism.

So, what would you like some more ideas about?

sam25

Perhaps and I do genuinely understand that but most of what I said (even though its been essays) haven't been the full details.

When I said people said they could see i'm going through depression I meant originally at the very start was a previous girlfriend. She was a fully qualified counsellor who as it happens had gone through depression during the earlier stages of her life. She urged me to get help. It's certainly not a co-incidence that as time passed, more people have also said that to me.

I feel like I have because bear in mind I have gone through this for years without telling anyone, then when I did open up I have gone through years of suggestions. This is no offence to anyone as I appreciate all advice but as I explained, a lot of what I have been advised with here are things I have already tried to do numerous times.

Volunteering in charity shops is a thing, yet nowadays people claiming jobseekers are forced to work for those charity shops to gain "experience". In the words of charity shop managers I spoke to over the years they are known as "useless freebies". Regardless I have already tried a lot with charity shops, even a few weeks ago and all 3 of them were filled to capacity with volunteers. I put my name down but I don't think I will hear back from them.

I feel that my post at the start wasn't fully about the SA/depression or nervousness. It was more based on getting my own place partly because of those things and also because of how things are here. In a way that was like my gambling recovery... I listened, tried what people have said (gamcare, GA, gambling therapy) yet nothing worked. It was only when I listened to my own head, that I was able to quit, recover and keep away from gambling.

I only explained things more because of speculation or people perhaps getting the wrong idea or misunderstanding things. I could literally write more than 20 pages of it all but I won't do that as it will be too long to read.

I am a very knowledgeable person in fact. I'm an expert with computers, especially programming, as well as many other talents. I do my research with anything. A while back I knew what was wrong with my teeth through research, but was told by others that it wont be as bad as I think and to stop worrying. The end result? Exactly as I thought and said about.

I had a relatively recent girlfriend who knows and understands my situation. She knew about GP's fobbing me off yet didn't believe it fully. She urged me to go for 1 final try. I went and was fobbed off. She couldn't believe it and that alone changed her view of the whole system. Even now she is taking up complaints with the NHS and is corresponding with a solicitor to see what action can be taken against the GP surgery in question.

The football is a nono. 1 place hosts indoor football leagues. Yet the rules are that each team enter must consist of 5 players in total. I have asked about being a substitute for another team, even a reserve, yet they have stated on numerous occasions that I cannot join unless I have 4 other people to enter with.

The main thing is just ideas about moving out and what I can do. Yes there have been great suggestions so far which I will follow up with. Yet the main situation is still the same...

I'm listening to my head just like I did with the gambling recovery and I know that without any doubt that my goal is with a place in the countryside. I have looked in to every positive/negative of it, what I can achieve, the possible health benefits and that is truly the only way I can resolve everything. It's not about isolation, because I am already isolated more than I could ever be. It's about doing something to give me those small steps of productivity which will allow me to build on

BigAunty

sam25 wrote: »

People can indeed be clueless to this. Like when I went through gambling addiction for 4 years. I had generic advice from people and The Samaritans... "Go to gamcare", "Go to GA". I tried those services 100's of times over but they were no help. Guess how I managed to quit in the end?? By picking myself up off the floor, using my own strength, willpower and doing what I thought in my head. I haven't gambled since.

.

Ok, so apparently your family, GP, ATOS, Gamcare, GA, the Samaritans, employers and colleagues, the online community, the Police, the CRB/DBS,even local football teams and charity shops, have all let you down?

Counselling, medication, nor informal support groups are no help at all.

I'm surprised you are so optimistic about securing council property and anticipate such delightful changes in your mood and illness when you get the keys. Surely the social housing landlord is going to screw you over? Everyone else has.

You may not have gambled since but since you admit to chain smoking and self medicating (other potential addictions), I think there's only so far you can will yourself better.

I urge you to seek proper support and treatment rather than carry the unrealistic assumption that getting your own place will magically make all your issues evaporate - a lot is in your head.

The NHS website has a section on anxiety with links to online treatment like CBT - I take it you've also tried this and found this wanting, too?

sam25 wrote: »

I'm listening to my head just like I did with the gambling recovery and I know that without any doubt that my goal is with a place in the countryside. I have looked in to every positive/negative of it, what I can achieve, the possible health benefits and that is truly the only way I can resolve everything. It's not about isolation, because I am already isolated more than I could ever be. It's about doing something to give me those small steps of productivity which will allow me to build on

You didn't so much recover from gambling but masked and transferred your unhappiness and illness in other ways, as far as I can see. And the problem is that you trumpet this spirit of will, the capacity for self-recovery for your gambling while being very open that you have failed to address your depression and anxiety through willpower....

You have already been advised by someone in your same scenario how moving to a new property did not stop their problems but just increased them.

Small steps of recovery don't necessarily include massive lifestyle changes, particularly when you are so fearful of it. Moving property isn't like researching tooth issues on the internet...

I think you shouldn't neglect seeking out proper treatment so that the root cause of your misery and suffering is addressed - including your very troubling thinking patterns - and not have an unrealistic expectation that getting a council property will cure you.

Do you suffer from high moods as well as low?