Benefit and help entitlement (Housing benefit)

BigAunty

Glad you got properly housed and support is more forthcoming and that it has extended to better social care of your mother.

Nobody doubted that you had a lot of terrible experiences. Not sure why you keep popping up defending yourself against accusations of imaginary ones and wrong advice, though.

sam25

I don't know. I certainly read and heard a lot of "negativity" regarding how my own place will not help me fully, how I need the CBT and things like that. Even a comparison to someone else who has SA yet their own place didn't help them.

I was told that I am a negative person and in other words, what I was saying was excuses or only "fantasy".

That's unfortunately the way it has worked. I have been to see them for years but let's be honest here, without proof, witnesses and other evidence, who would believe that what I said is exactly what happens? The difference this time is I now had this proof and they had to act on it.

In part that was some of my problem. I knew what happens yet nobody would believe me. Imagine being punched in the face really hard, yet when you say to people about it, nobody believes you. That had been what happened for so long, yet there were no physical injuries.

The words about remaining positive were more about getting help for SA and depression. It was about trying to push for CBT and being positive that I get the help I need.

In reality I pushed to get what I knew would help me. It was about understanding the situation I am in, getting out of that situation and then the positivity will flow.

In this situation the idea for my own place was the initial plaster and now i'm away from what scratched the wound and kept it open, I can work on the stitches (CBT, group therapy) and keep things on track

sam25

BigAunty wrote: »

Nobody doubted that you had a lot of terrible experiences. Not sure why you keep popping up defending yourself against accusations of imaginary ones and wrong advice, though.

Could you just read these quotes from people:


"I think the first thing we need to address is your way of thinking"

"You have already been advised by someone in your same scenario how moving to a new property did not stop their problems"

"I urge you to seek proper support and treatment rather than carry the unrealistic assumption that getting your own place will magically make all your issues evaporate"

"When I then re-read your posts, it does seem that you take the worst from every situation"

"You're obviously a very negative person"

"SA is always in one's head"

"some people could say that you being able to claim benefits and HB for years has been giving you a chance" (This was false. I have never claimed housing benefit, just carers allowance and IS.... lets just work this out then.... 35+ hours a week... lets say 35... for £420 a month.... 140 hours a month... divide that by how many hours I put it = £3 an hour... So i'm not even getting the minimum wage... How is that being "given a chance" ?



The gist of a lot of comments were that SA is always in someone's head. How regardless of my situation it's me who has to stop those negative thoughts through CBT and help from GP's.

Why is it then that even the GP admitted that until I get out of the situation at home, CBT and other therapy is useless? I knew this already yet when I explained it I was given comments like I quoted above or that i'm being "negative"

GirlFromMars_2

Well, I'm very pleased to hear you've been able to move out and find your own place. Having been in a similar situation to you, I never doubted that moving out would help you, I was just worried that it would take a long time.

However I do find it somewhat ironic that you still feel the need to come back here and complain negatively about our assumptions that you have an attitude of negativity surrounding all of your thoughts. Seriously, where would we have gotten that idea? (No really, based on the responses you've received on this forum, maybe it's time to think about how other people perceive you, even if you don't feel that you are negative yourself, it is the way you come across at least online!)

You are in your own place now, and your mother is being cared for by adult social services (all of which are things people on this thread have hoped for) so, I hope that you're managing to find some positives in your life to enjoy, even if you clearly haven't found them on the MSE forums.

Good luck with the rest of your life, this is just the start, and I hope you make the most of this huge change in circumstances.

sam25

I'm not complaining negatively.

The thing here is that I came here for advice... Yes? Based on some of my quotes about what people have said, it's clear there was a lot of misunderstanding (i.e assuming I have been given a chance because I receive HB , when I have never had HB. Or being told that SA is always in someone's head).

There is no negativity now, just like there never was. I had explained things yet was accused of being negative.

In reality... What if I actually did what I was told here? Lets say I went with the general view of members and had CBT and group therapy. There would be no progress at all. I would be going to CBT and as soon as I got home, all that work would be undone (the GP even told me that).

Instead I did exactly what I was asking about all along. The question didn't require assumptions or judgements, yet I had to justify myself and explain the situation further when it was not the initial question.

The way I come across online? Again, far from it. This is what people do not understand. When someone says "Social anxiety is always in someone's head" i'm meant to say "thank you for your very kind words, yet I beg to differ" ?

As I also put... this is the problem... Someone makes an assumption. I reply saying how I do not agree with that, however i'm then told that i'm being negative. I have been online now for 20 years and nobody has said about me coming across as negative.

Anyway, thanks all...

GirlFromMars_2

sam25 wrote: »

Anyway, thanks all...

You're welcome!

Sorry I didn't realise your situation was one that warranted legal proceedings and an immediate removal from the family home. I am very glad your GP was finally able to facilitate this.

Going by what you said it sounded like you would have to go through the long application process, and given your state of mind I was worried this would take far too long, hence my suggestions of other ways to improve your situation.

Now you are out of the family home I hope you are looking to the future and ways of improving your social anxiety and life.

Are you still caring for your mother? Hopefully your relationship will improve significantly now you have your freedom and the space to move on.

Good luck with the future. I hope you have fun doing up your new home.