Benefit and help entitlement (Housing benefit)

misspickle_2

At some point you are going to have to accept that you cannot change the people around you Sam. That's a given! You don't and nor should you have the power or control to do that. The only person you should have power over is yourself.
YOU are responsible for your own life and til you start realising that then nothing will change.
If you can't or don't want to cope with a family that are making your life miserable then you have the right to walk. You have that right.
You need to make a decision. And you need to make it on your own.
When you've made it. Then we can help.

sam25

Thanks miss p. Appreciate it. I agree and I know things need to change asap.

I will definitely pursue that and as you mentioned, I will give it a try and put myself on those lists today.

Well, previously from looking at my options it seemed to me the most logical thing was to go for something on the council housing list. 2 countryside areas often have 1 bedroom houses available and with minimal bids (often just 1 bid). I thought council housing was more reliable housing for long term tenants and with the option to buy after.

I can already prove that I have access to 0 bedrooms (my room is the dining room filled with mould because of the patio window). Yet proving SA/depression (especially from the way I am treated here) could be trickier due to dr's fobbing me off. Although I have arranged a meeting with my mothers consultant in a week (who knows my mums illness better than anyone and can write a letter to the council regarding the problems I face here).

Would the council even boost me up the list for those reasons?

I have to remain a carer to my mother so would like my own home, which will allow me to better myself and have that breathing space/independence so when I do come back here and provide care throughout the week, I can provide the very best care. The problem is actively living here.

I have always known the source of the problem is in this house but guilt has prevented me moving previously (in case my mother has a bad fall and i'm not here to help her, or how gutted she will be to see me move out).

I obviously don't want to be worse off than I am now accommodation wise and the place has to help me. Thus the countryside is the best option. A smaller community, having to travel on the bus frequently are things that will benefit me and allow me to think differently about things.

As it stands my life here consists of providing care, then in my free time I sit in my room chain smoking. Whenever I need to go to town or the shops I am very nervous. When I go to town I end up having a few alcoholic drinks because I am so nervous that people do look at me and sometimes make nasty comments. Alcohol removes that nervousness.

Again, that's where a small country village helps. Instead of having to go through a busy town packed with people, I can be in a smaller community and slowly integrate myself with smaller numbers of people.

This is indeed about changing my life and I agree that only I can change it. That's why I have thought for ages about this and feel that after 10 years of "help" that has come to nothing, it's time to change things with something I genuinely believe will help

pmlindyloo

Sam, forgive me but I had a look at your previous posts and see that you were working a few years back.

Don't answer if you don't want to, but was there some particular 'trigger point' for your leaving work?

Did you leave work to care for your mum, for example?

misspickle_2

Hiya Sam.
I fully understand pmlindyloo looking at your past posts but its not something I have done and I generally avoid it like the plague. I have done it, but only when I get jumped on and then I like to know what I'm dealing with but other than that I don't bother because its gone and in the past and it can make the current thread difficult.
Having said that lindy comes across as very genuine to me and is on the whole a great poster that i generally agree with.

You are unlikely to find it when it comes to council housing op. Anything is possible but you would have to hound like billyho with evidence and doctors supporting you and you would still have a long wait.
You need a private landlord for it to happen.

The guilt is something that you and only you can sort. Guilt is a state of mind. And its a killer. Guilt will never be your friend.
What is it that you feel guilty about and where is the guilt coming from?

Why don't you just try something and stop thinking so long term. If you could go for 6 months and have your own place. Would you give it a go? We can worry about the rest later. Things have a habit of falling into place
But if it was just 6 months then would you go and live independently?
Do you believe you are capable? Of living independently with financial help?

misspickle_2

pmlindyloo wrote: »

Sam, forgive me but I had a look at your previous posts and see that you were working a few years back.

Don't answer if you don't want to, but was there some particular 'trigger point' for your leaving work?

Did you leave work to care for your mum, for example?

What are you thinking lindy? Are you coming at it from a benefit angle?

I can't imagine you questioning it unless it held some weight.

Tell me :j

nonnatus

Hi Sam,

I was really shocked to read that you found the Samaritans response to your problems to be unsympathetic! When I then re-read your posts, it does seem that you take the worst from every situation. I understand that it's largely due to your condition, but it can't actually be YOU Vs The Rest Of The World - can it?

Maybe it's the way you process the replies and information you are being given. You're obviously a very negative person. Can you maybe work on hearing positive things from the people around you? I'm sure there must be some! You write brilliantly, so you're obviously well educated and well spoken, you must have things going for you, even if they are only small slivers of light at the moment. Focus on some good things and you'll be amazed how differently you start to feel...

pmlindyloo

misspickle wrote: »

What are you thinking lindy? Are you coming at it from a benefit angle?

I can't imagine you questioning it unless it held some weight.

Tell me :j

Several things really If there was some underlying reason for OP no longer being able to work then 1) this might help him address his health issues 2) might make him eligible for ESA/PIP (claiming PIP might give him an entitlement to one bed housing allowance)

Or, if he had to give up work to care for his mum then it could be the caring/home environment that has caused his anxiety/depression and he may want to consider stopping caring (social services assessment could be done for mum), find somewhere to live and consider going back to work.

It is very hard to help people with mental health issues - and I do not have any professional qualifications let me make that clear - but it may be worth considering if there is an environmental cause if OP was fit and well in previous years.

Of course the OP may have always suffered from these problems and in that case he needs to change his doctor and get some better advice and support.

misspickle_2

pmlindyloo wrote: »

Several things really If there was some underlying reason for OP no longer being able to work then 1) this might help him address his health issues 2) might make him eligible for ESA/PIP (claiming PIP might give him an entitlement to one bed housing allowance)

Or, if he had to give up work to care for his mum then it could be the caring/home environment that has caused his anxiety/depression and he may want to consider stopping caring (social services assessment could be done for mum), find somewhere to live and consider going back to work.

It is very hard to help people with mental health issues - and I do not have any professional qualifications let me make that clear - but it may be worth considering if there is an environmental cause if OP was fit and well in previous years.

Of course the OP may have always suffered from these problems and in that case he needs to change his doctor and get some better advice and support.

So he will be entitled then? To housing? It sounds like op needs it.
Sam is adamant that his situation is due to circumstances. He believes if he gets out of there and gets help then he will better himself and be healthier.
So what is his next step? In simple as they come terms
You'd better follow it Sam.

misspickle_2

pmlindyloo wrote: »

Or, if he had to give up work to care for his mum then it could be the caring/home environment that has caused his anxiety/depression and he may want to consider stopping caring (social services assessment could be done for mum), find somewhere to live and consider going back to work.

This. This this this

Your too smart for your own good lindyloo.

I'm very jealous . In a non scary way of course :eek:

I will shut up now

GirlFromMars_2

I just wanted to say good luck Sam, and I hope you can find some way to gain your independence and get your life back.

I have been in a similar situation, although I love my family dearly, living with them as a dependent sick adult in my 20s & 30s was a horrendous experience and a huge emotional drain on all of us. Living independently has helped get us all back to a place where we are happy, and enjoy spending time together.

While I agree that you need to live independently there are other things you can do to improve your situation while you are working out the practicalities.

Have you considered volunteering? I don't have close to the same degree of social anxiety as you, but it is something that helped me immeasurably. It allowed me to get out of the house, gave me something positive in my life to talk about, and allowed me to meet new people and make new friends. (It also has the advantage that the people you meet volunteering are usually very nice people, and quite often have their own history of being a bit of a misfit, so are very easy to relate to.)

I know it is difficult, but try not to take the emotional baggage from your home life with you when you leave the house. Present yourself to the world in the way you would like to be received. Don't try to make friends in pubs and clubs, the world does not work that way any more. Find an activity you enjoy (volunteering, evening classes etc) and get to know the people you meet there slowly.

Good luck finding somewhere to live!