Feeling very guilty for having just one child

Jagraf

My brother and I are in our forties and absolutely nothing that comes out of his mouth makes any sense to me

Seriously, I look at him sometimes and think he should be on the trip to Mars.

I keep urging my folks to ensure their will is absolutely what they want it to be as I can see fisticuffs over everything.

I had the brains, the beauty and the common sense.

He has the Porsche. :cool:

Mojisola

Tinuel wrote: »

Have a 12 year old daughter, only child, and I now realise that I made a huge mistake in not having another child.

Basically my wife had a really difficult labour, that made us delay for a number of years. On top of that, financial difficulties, relationship problems and a move abroad all happening, made it difficult to have another one.

And if you'd had another child and your wife had been really ill or the family spent years on the breadline because there were four of you instead of three or the relationship broke down under the stress of another child or (add your own scenario), what would your daughter be saying to you now?

You're going to have to toughen up if you're going to survive your daughter's teenage years!

She doesn't necessarily want a 'sister' - she has a rose-tinted idea of a wonderful relationship with a lovely sister. There are plenty of people who wish they were an only child!

Mojisola

Tinuel wrote: »

She does have lots of friends and is very popular and social at school. But I do feel guilt when I see her reading a book by herself or playing games on her tablet.

Instead of stamping her feet and slamming the door because she's had to stop playing on the tablet because it's her sister's turn!:rotfl:

raven83

God, I think my kids wish they were only children, the amount of arguing over who has this and who has that and she touched my things etc:eek: My oldest two are always saying how they wish they were the only child!

jaylee3

Jagraf wrote: »

Just to throw in, its strange what people say. My daughter is my parents only grandchild, which they love. They are very close. But some of their friends say "don't you wish you had more grandchildren" which is really odd considering every child is a 'miracle'. Some people think you can just pop em out! (Sorry maybe wrong choice of words).

I agree. It's quality, not quantity.

Baby_Angel

My DD is 8. She is an only child, not by choice. Never a day has passed when she doesn't remind us, that she is the only one in class without a sibling. It is difficult to explain to her why at this stage. As far as I know all the single children among family and friends, who are past the age of 15, have said, they are so happy they were a single child. My DH was born with 8 siblings :eek: and I with 2. I tell my DD, that when her friends brag about how many siblings they have, to shock them with the number of cousins she has. :rotfl:

LilElvis

Jagraf wrote: »

Surely you feel blessed that you have a healthy happy daughter - so much more than most.

Believe me that even if you truly realise what a blessing it is to have a child it doesn't always assuage the guilt (or longing) to give that child a sibling.

I went through so much to have my little girl - miscarriages, years of trying, IVF - and we finally had her thanks to the selfless donation of eggs by a stranger. Though I know how very lucky I am to have her it doesn't stop the physical pain when she says that she wants a sister so she can be like Elsa and Anna (Frozen mad 4 year old!). We could afford more treatment and we have the room, but I'm going to be 48 next month and my husband is 56 so we have decided that we shouldn't try. I also would face the added dilemma of using a different donor as, even if she were willing, our original donor is now too old. The practical part of my brain accepts the logic of our decision, but my heart won't let me close that door. Only last week I confirmed to our clinic that I wish to stay on their donor waiting list, and I will probably stay on it until I am 50 and become too old for treatment.

So, though my heart almost bursts with joy when my little girl hugs me, there is also guilt, and anger, that fate dealt us a rubbish hand and that it wasn't our choice to be a family of three.

moneyistooshorttomention

But then, if your wife had had a second child, she might have had a really difficult labour again and then, presumably, you'd feel guilty for that?

...and I can only think of two sibling relationships (both in the same family) that seem to have worked out. In the main people who have siblings seem to vary from not particularly bothered about having any to wish they hadn't had any. Its not just the sibling rivalry stuff, but some children are very conscious of just how many children their parents could afford to have and if they've had more than they could afford then the elder sibling/s will be conscious that a too thin amount of money is being spread even thinner.

I have a sibling...and I come at the "wish I hadn't had any" end of that scale personally.

Baby_Angel

LilElvis wrote: »

...
Though I know how very lucky I am to have her it doesn't stop the physical pain when she says that she wants a sister so she can be like Elsa and Anna (Frozen mad 4 year old!).

We sorted that problem of "Anna" with the help of Grandma. My mother lives with us and my DD treats her more like her sister.:D

On a serious note, we are in the same boat. However our first daughter, if she was alive today, would have had serious health issues. My DD would have thought we are spending more time with her. It would never seem right however you look at it. She isn't old enough to realise, being healthy is far more important than having some one to play/share with.

Serendipitious

My DD grew up as an only child (I was divorced and never remarried, so it was just her and me throughout her childhood, though there was a bigger family situation available to her after my ex remarried, which she experienced on her visits there.)

However, only child though she was, she was never actually on her own very much. After school, for example, she would often bring one or more of her friends home with her for tea, or she was invited to visit them. Add in the usual activities such as swimming/gym/clubs etc and she had a very busy social life starting right from infant/junior school days. When asked how many children I had, I often used to joke that I either had four or none, depending on which day of the week it was.