The single track road - life on a different path

MeandO

plymouthscubagirl wrote: »

Hey, I have been reading this thread with interest and thought I'd come out of lurking!
This could have been written by me. Sorry I haven't read through properly, kind of first few and last few pages but my situation is pretty much the same! Split with ex in July last year after I found out he had been texting someone I knew for over 6mths (she had become a best friend-ouch), then moved out in Sept with nothing to my name, so have had to find somewhere suitable, in catchment area blah blah blah and find furniture for me and my little gorgeoous one (he's 4). Literally on the point of moving out I debated whether I was doing the right thing, and whether I should try harder for little ones sake, and also his 2 girls (from previous marraige) who I adore. But me being the stubborn typical goat I ploughed on regardless. Have the guilt of putting us both into huge debt trying to mnaage/maintain houses, but still believe deep down I did the right thing. Wish I could just turn the clock back a year but its not going to happen!

Anyway just to send hugs as I too get lots of 'I want to see Daddy' and it does hurt. The worst being in January for my 40th and little one played up night before at restaurant and Daddy kind of dangled a carrot for my son into staying at his (when it was my night) by mentioning the Wii! He has just got into games and that was it. I was officially dumped on the eve of my 40th for a Wii :rotfl:Hurt like mad, but I wasn't going to force him to stay at mine after that and be the bad guy. Refuse to get drawn into those games as he only did it in the hope I'd stay at his too. I'm sure they'll be lots more times like this too :mad: (I bought a 2nd hand Wii after that though)!!

Stay strong chicken, it does get easier when the routine is developed. Kids are creatures of habits too.

Luckily little one is just as happy at mummys as he is at Daddys now. Nothing I want more than for Dady to continue being a big part of his life, even if it means I miss out a little.

Wise words from liltdiddylilt - so very true. Singing from the same hymn sheet is key with kids. They soon pick up on chinks in the armour otherwise and will start playing you off. I've had to make sure Daddy puts little one to bed at sensible hour as I was getting him back the next day all tired and grumpy. Feel like I'm a party pooper as daddy says he doesn't have him often and likes to have the evening with him, but he does now realise how much nicer little one is when had a full nights sleep. Tough implementing all this though.

I too have been using YNAB for the last few months, although only really the last month that I have really got the hang of it properly. Think I was overspending all the time before and couldn't figure a way out of the mess. It is definitely helping now though and that along with the Kon Marie/decluttering thread has really helped curb any spending and stick to a budget for the first time in my life!

Anyway now I've written my own life story I'll shut up and just read again form now on Just wanted to say it sounds like you are doing a cracking job!

Hi Plymouthscubagirl and thanks so much for sharing your story. :heart2:

Tough isn't it? It does sounds like you get on ok with your ex, even though wii-gate was unkind of him and it sounds like you're both doing everything you can to make things work out the best they can be for your little one and stepdaughters.

It's not my place to say, but I believe you did the right thing too. Once the trust is broken, it's very hard, if not impossible to get it back and even if you had managed to make things better that doubt would always be there. Well done on being brave. :heart2:

I could quite easily have gone on pretending everything was ok with me & the ex and, although there was no cheating or neither had 'done anything' to each other, it was just not right anymore and neither of us were really happy. It took a lot for me to stand up and say, "hang on, I'm not happy, this isn't working" when, outwardly, we had a really good life. The ex was mortified and shocked to the core by it, but when he thought about it, he realised he wasn't happy either and he could see that it wasn't working and neither of us wanted it to turn nasty in the future.

I hope you've managed to find a lovely place for you and Ds now and feel happy and settled. Thanks so much for the advice, it's not nice knowing other people have gone through these things too, but it is reassuring to hear from experience that Ds will be ok and all these things are to be expected. Things make so much sense when someone else spells it out to you don't they?!

Please stick around, if you can cope with the utter drivel from me daily.

xx

Levi-

Will just wish you a veryyyyyyy quiet happy birthday tomorrow if that is OK but I totally understand about not wanting a fuss...birthdays are so overrated

I feel left out at the schoolgirl PM saga WHAT AM I MISSING??:rotfl::j Have a good one MeandO- what are Iceland playing at processing that 3 weeks later? Don't they know we have :money: to answer to? Tesco fuel always do that to me, I forget about it entirely then suddenly it pops up ages later and I am like :mad: !!!!!! is this! :cool: x

plymouthscubagirl

Yes I know deep down its the right decision, but certainly does not make it any easier :mad: I've never had someone be unfaithful so I never knew how I'd feel, but it feels like a deal breaker to me right now.
Yes fortunately we get on very well. Like you, our life on paper was great, but I guess if I'm being really honest we most probably wouldn't have survived if we hadn't had little one. And for that I shall always love him, as little one is the best thing since sliced bread (even if I am just a little bit biased):D
From an MSE point of view I'd taken on a lot of his debt(from ex-wife and business ) as I had a good credit rating, so I'm left fighting that! He is making the monthly payments though so thats good. Just hope it stays that way until its paid off!

I've just taken on a foreign student to help out financially, as my friend has always done it. Its actually working out ok, although the first night I didn't sleep a wink worrying about my little man in the house with someone I didn't know. My little one follows the poor boy around everywhere so its worked out well. Hoping with the extra cash I can blast through this debt quicker and look at buying a house for us.

Many happy returns for tomorrow, celebrate in style is what I say!! Due to mine being January, everyone is always skint, and its cold and its always just passed me by to be honest but this year being the big 4-0, and most probably due to splitting with ex, it was a blast!! Lots of meals out, even a trip away to Prague with the girls in the family which was fab! Loved every minute of it

I'm the queen of drivel!! x

MeandO

Levi- wrote: »

Will just wish you a veryyyyyyy quiet happy birthday tomorrow if that is OK but I totally understand about not wanting a fuss...birthdays are so overrated

I feel left out at the schoolgirl PM saga WHAT AM I MISSING??:rotfl::j Have a good one MeandO- what are Iceland playing at processing that 3 weeks later? Don't they know we have :money: to answer to? Tesco fuel always do that to me, I forget about it entirely then suddenly it pops up ages later and I am like :mad: !!!!!! is this! :cool: x

Levi- wrote: »

I feel left out at the schoolgirl PM saga WHAT AM I MISSING??:rotfl::j x

Ahhhhhh, well I've actually already told you all. It was Lilty's eagle eyes that spotting a little remark I slipped in a while ago, which she got a bit excited about!

MeandO

plymouthscubagirl wrote: »

Yes I know deep down its the right decision, but certainly does not make it any easier :mad: I've never had someone be unfaithful so I never knew how I'd feel, but it feels like a deal breaker to me right now.
Yes fortunately we get on very well. Like you, our life on paper was great, but I guess if I'm being really honest we most probably wouldn't have survived if we hadn't had little one. And for that I shall always love him, as little one is the best thing since sliced bread (even if I am just a little bit biased):D
From an MSE point of view I'd taken on a lot of his debt(from ex-wife and business ) as I had a good credit rating, so I'm left fighting that! He is making the monthly payments though so thats good. Just hope it stays that way until its paid off!

I've just taken on a foreign student to help out financially, as my friend has always done it. Its actually working out ok, although the first night I didn't sleep a wink worrying about my little man in the house with someone I didn't know. My little one follows the poor boy around everywhere so its worked out well. Hoping with the extra cash I can blast through this debt quicker and look at buying a house for us.

Many happy returns for tomorrow, celebrate in style is what I say!! Due to mine being January, everyone is always skint, and its cold and its always just passed me by to be honest but this year being the big 4-0, and most probably due to splitting with ex, it was a blast!! Lots of meals out, even a trip away to Prague with the girls in the family which was fab! Loved every minute of it

I'm the queen of drivel!! x

I'll second to the 'not making it easier' thing PSA, and also to the little ones being 'the best thing since sliced bread', especially 4 year old boy ones :heart2: (and Little Lilty's) .


I have much birthday-celebration-jealousy! I want your friends! Do you loan them out?!?!?:rotfl:

Good idea about the foreign student too, glad it has all worked out well for you and is bringing in extra money. Hope the ex continues to repay the debt too, that's another positive about getting on well, makes things like this so much easier.

I shall be relying on you as the queen of drive to kick me up the bum when needed Mrs!

P.S. I'm originally a Westcountry girl too, but a bit (lot) more North than yourself.

Levi-

oh about your b/f??:D i hope he won't come and kick my !!! due to:grouphug:-gate :rotfl:

MeandO

Nah, will probably be happy someone's taking me off his hands to be honest Levi! :rotfl::rotfl:

Levi-

I doubt that very much:p

MeandO

Right, it's a lovely sunny evening and I'm going for a spin with a friend on the motorbikes tonight before O is mine for the evening - it must be nearly summer!

Not entirely sure I can still get in my suit though... vat of vaseline anyone?!?

Enjoy your evenings folks
xx

liltdiddylilt

Lmao. I love the thought of you doing this!!

Be very careful though! I've got an amazing leather bikers jacket.. but haven't been on a bike in 10 years :rotfl: since my dad threatened to break my legs if I ever went on one again.

Have a lovely evening. And its talcum powder not vaseline that helps you slip things like that on. I know from my S&M suits.. :rotfl: JOKE!! xx