levi: la vida loca

please-let-me-be-lucky

Happy new diary! May it bring you nothing but good luck and positivity Xx

Bobarella

'Bobarella?'
'Present and correct & ready for new diary'
'Take a seat'

enthusiasticsaver

Hi Levi - I posted a few times on your old thread and will subscribe to your new one. Love the new title and keep up the brilliant work you are doing.

Debt_Free_Desires

Another lurker from your old diary
I can only echo what everyone else has already said.
You are an amazing person & a 'super-dad'.
Your posts are always heartfelt & honest. So glad you gave decided to start a New diary the support you receive & also give to others is second to none & I for one am very happy to see it continue.

Subscribed xx

Hopefuljoy

Morning Levi! Happy New thread day!!! Love the title as well. Have a wonderful day xx

Levi-

Thank for all the replies Love it when some lurkers chirp up too, thank you :blushing::grinheart

Well I'm certainly living the crazy life - this morning has been completely insane. _pale_

Will explain more later .. for now, must do some work. Levi x

Kantankrus_Mare

Have followed on from previous thread.............liking the new title as well......much more upbeat.

Don't let what happened bother you too much.

Keep up the good work. You have an awful lot of people rooting for you!

lindens

another lurker subscribing
keep up the good work

Levi-

So while it's quiet I'll do a small update because tbh everything went tits up (are we allowed to say tits? guess I'll find out) and it will be therapeutic to write it down a little.

Lilty said the other day that I'd had my 3 things.. but little did I know the worst was still yet to come.

I went into work this morning to collect/drop off some paperwork and whilst there checking through stuff I received an email from [new job guy] SR. He asked if I had time to see him that morning and given that I was in and had no real rush to get back to LL (who was with FGN).. I said I'd meet him right away. I was highly expecting that he would be letting me know about an interview and have been beside myself with excitement/anxiety about the prospect as ya'll who followed my thread will know!
(Small background: SR had been "grooming" me for this new role since last year when he kinda singled me out to see if I'd be interested in working in his dept, said I had everything it took, created a role with me in mind, guided me through application, told me I would definitely be interviewed, the money would be excellent, exactly the kind of break/change I needed, got my hopes up massively to the point of thinking despite all of my low self confidence and pessimism, that I'd get the job.. blah blah blah.)
Met with SR a while later, sat down, he told me "I'm afraid it's bad news".

:exclamati:exclamati NOT EVEN SHORTLISTED FOR INTERVIEW :exclamati:exclamati

I thought it was gonna be one of those "just kidding! moments. But nope. He said there were way more applicants than expected and they could only shortlist five of them, my application was outstanding and "nobody was more heartbroken" than him.

Sorry to be a skeptic but I am both distraught *AND* skeptical now of this whole thing. I feel like the whole time it may have been just a game of torment from SR. Why build me up so much? When he was the guy who had the final say, why not fight harder for me? And many other things swirling around in my mind, all of which lead to me calling myself a worthless piece of ____.

He wanted to give me more of a feedback session but I politely told him I wasn't ready for it all right now and would need a bit of time. I eluded to how much it would have meant to me, my life and situation- all of which he knew - and not looking for a sympathy vote from him but the bad news hit me like a ton of bricks. I vowed to myself not to get my hopes up for this very reason, but yet I still did - because it would have been such a significant and timely thing to happen for me (us).

Still - I spoke to a friend this afternoon about it all and he reminded me that 'rejection is protection' and that something was not right for me there otherwise it would have happened.
I've not been very productive this afternoon though as I keep dwelling on it and feeling very upset. LL isn't coming home until this evening which is a good thing as I wouldn't want him around this vibe. FGN is taking him out for the day to visit her friend and I expect spoil him rotten along the way. :A

So that's todays news.. as ever, spreading the joy. Levi...x

BILLIE

Although there is probably nothing that I will say that will make you feel any better, but I am going to give it a try. It is natural, especially when SR. was building you up to believe, to have the thoughts along the lines of there is no way I am going to get an interview/this is a breeze its in the bag. What was good was that SR. did ask to speak with you face to face because he could have easily just sent an email/letter and that would have been really devastating. Give yourself a bit of time today, whilst alone, to scream shout cry and let it out. Then when you can do ask SR. for the feedback. I agree with your friend, there is a reason why this happened.

Please try and be strong we all love you and that won't change. Did you meet with the Chaplain, how did that go?

Xxxxx