I want to save but my girlfriend wont :(

[Deleted User]

Sorry to hear your chat didn't go down well. :-(

Do you have any joint accounts, or does she have access to your bank account (either in card form or online)? The first thing to do is make sure you have your own SINGLE bank account and only have one bank card and giver her no access to your details. Close down your old account or the joint account, unless her money goes into the joint one and then see if she can have her own single one instead. Keep your money seperate - then you can say NO. It's YOUR money. In fact, transfer your bank account to somewhere else and get £100+ for doing so!

Work out the essential bills, food shopping and debt payments required each month. Then split the money equally percentage-wise, depending on individual incomes, but include the tax credits, child benefit etc.
For example, say she receives £1200 per month in part time income and benefits and you receive £2000 per month in full time income and you need to pay out approx £1000 per month in bills and debts, then she needs to be contributing nearly £400 towards this total!

Do you rent privately? Are you living in an expensive area? Is there anything you could sell from around the home (clothes, toys, furniture, accessories etc, anything!) to be able to throw money at the debts? Could you make any overall cutbacks - insurance, clothing, food shopping, haircuts etc?

Start to 'future-proof' yourself, so if anything happens with the relationship you are ready and set to continue without her. Don't have any financial commitments, change any online passwords / card details, especially if she shops online and uses your stuff. Make sure you know where YOUR stuff is around the house, put your personal stuff safe (passport, birth certificate, family photos, documents etc - have a file), have a small bag ready (but not obvious!) just in case you need to leave or need to grab stuff quickly. I knew of someone who sounds very similar to your partner and unfortunately she kicked him out of the house, made his life awkward, refused to let him gather up his stuff, burnt his things and then racked up debts in his name!!! Please, please, please get yourself as sorted as you can be to protect yourself and look after yourself and your child.

And then I might get shot for saying this, but do you have a family member you trust? Could they set up a savings account for you, so that it is completely separate from you and your partner? You would have to withdraw cash and then give it to them to put into their account and this would be secure for your future, and for your child. Just incase she decides she's had enough and wants half of your well-saved money if you split up?
Oh, and don't get married just yet...! :-D