I want to save but my girlfriend wont :(

abes86

So im not sure if this is the right place im sure the moda will move it if its not

Hi im Dave im 28 and new to this, im one of the unfortunate breed who have no financial backing from family, in past life or future. I have always paid my debts and never missed a payment on any direct debits ect, up until recently i have never seen a light at the end of the tunnel, so i decided to change that about 18 months ago, i had about 15k in debt from loans, cards, and overdraft, im now down to my last 3 months to clear my remaining 2.1k then im debt free, its taken me an amazing amount of stress and worry to be strict on myself, i did sacrifice alot but at the same time i always made sure i did have about £100 a week to help with the kids ect. Now i have the saving bug, i have budgeted a plan for me to save around 28k by myself in 5 years, but my girlfriend just wont let me go for it as im apparently being selfish, my biggest point is i have crohns disease and i want to start getting myself financial backing for the future for when the time comes when i cant work anymore, I do understand her and can see her points, but she is very materialistic and does not save well at all, her money is hers and mine is both of ours, so the thought of me taking this away from her makes her mad, even though i have mentioned that this will benefit for the time im out of work.
Anyway long story short is there anyone else in the saving not saving problem?

Thanks

Piggywiggy

if you save the same amount that you've been paying off every month then she won't notice the difference in her quality of life.

Spuddy27

Hold on a minute...she won't let you save your money and expects you to pay for things out of your money while she also spends her own?!

What?!

I think you need to sit down and have a good talk, that is utterly ridiculous. She cannot expect to spend her own money and yours, especially when like you said you want to plan for the future. And calling you selfish? Pot kettle black much? Sorry that you have to deal with this on top of everything else.

You've done amazingly well to get yourself out of debt and now you want to save for the future so I say bloody well go for it.

Good luck!

Mojisola

abes86 wrote: »

so i decided to change that about 18 months ago, i had about 15k in debt from loans, cards, and overdraft, im now down to my last 3 months to clear my remaining 2.1k then im debt free,

its taken me an amazing amount of stress and worry to be strict on myself, i did sacrifice alot but at the same time i always made sure i did have about £100 a week to help with the kids ect.

Now i have the saving bug, i have budgeted a plan for me to save around 28k by myself in 5 years, but my girlfriend just wont let me go for it as im apparently being selfish,

my biggest point is i have crohns disease and i want to start getting myself financial backing for the future for when the time comes when i cant work anymore,

I do understand her and can see her points, but she is very materialistic and does not save well at all, her money is hers and mine is both of ours, so the thought of me taking this away from her makes her mad, even though i have mentioned that this will benefit for the time im out of work.

Are the children yours and your GF's or just hers?

Do you all live together and share household expenses?

If your GF is very materialistic, is she going to stay with you when you become unable to earn?

andyfromotley

I think you may have more problems than just the savings tbh.

abes86

Mojisola wrote: »

Are the children yours and your GF's or just hers?

Do you all live together and share household expenses?

If your GF is very materialistic, is she going to stay with you when you become unable to earn?

1 child is mine and the other isnt, its just so hard as she does not see my point of view

abes86

Spuddy27 wrote: »

Hold on a minute...she won't let you save your money and expects you to pay for things out of your money while she also spends her own?!

What?!

I think you need to sit down and have a good talk, that is utterly ridiculous. She cannot expect to spend her own money and yours, especially when like you said you want to plan for the future. And calling you selfish? Pot kettle black much? Sorry that you have to deal with this on top of everything else.

You've done amazingly well to get yourself out of debt and now you want to save for the future so I say bloody well go for it.

Good luck!

Thank you so much for the positive reply, i do really want to just go for it, just wish she thought the same, i mean just in january she went out 5 times spending and average £50 a time and she sees that as a good thing

Spuddy27

abes86 wrote: »

Thank you so much for the positive reply, i do really want to just go for it, just wish she thought the same, i mean just in january she went out 5 times spending and average £50 a time and she sees that as a good thing

I think perhaps it's time to revisit your relationship then, obviously with kids involved it's a lot more difficult but do you really want to be with someone who won't support you and is spending all the money?

If she's going out and spending her own money then fair enough, but if she's spending her own and then expecting you to fork out for bills and daily expenses then that's not right.

Hope you get it sorted, and soon!

Mojisola

Have you done a statement of affairs - that will show how much money is being spent on different things every month.

The two of you can work out how much you each need to put into the pot to cover all the essentials and then anything's that left is yours and hers to keep individually.

If she wants to spend all her money, that's her choice. Build up your savings in accounts that she doesn't have access to.

Give serious thought as to whether you want to spend the rest of your life with someone who treats you this way.

stressedandconfused75

I would go to your bank and set up an isa .just in your name. And just set an amount to go in from your account as soon as you get paid. If its your money you should be able to save some back. Its important to have seoerate contingency savings which can't be touched by girlfriend or boyfriend andnu know many ppl who do this. Why should you justify spending money in saving. Does she justify and account for every penny spent on benders or account on what the result of her investment has done for her on said nights out.

oldhand

You need to change things with your girlfriend.If she is this selfish now with your money how will she be when your no longer able to work and provide her with money??