I want to save but my girlfriend wont :(

enthusiasticsaver

I would actually say it is your girlfriend who is being selfish. You have done very well to get out of debt and are setting a good example to your child. It certainly might be better to keep your finances separate as it does seem that you have different approaches.


As you have some health issues it is definitely sensible, if not imperative that you remain debt free and build up an emergency savings buffer. If your girlfriend cannot see that then I am afraid you need to ask yourself how committed she is to your relationship rather than seeing you as a cash cow merely to provide her with money to go on one of her spend ups.

abes86

I think i really need to look at my relationship, i mean she even thinks saving for a pension is a waste?? Im going to sit her down and put pen to paper and see if we can come to some agreement over saving for the future and to start growing up and not think she is 18 anymore

Bobarella

Good luck with things Abe. I wonder what is driving your girlfriends concerns about saving? Surely she must see the cause and affect of spend less now, have nicer life in the future?

enthusiasticsaver

abes86 wrote: »

I think i really need to look at my relationship, i mean she even thinks saving for a pension is a waste?? Im going to sit her down and put pen to paper and see if we can come to some agreement over saving for the future and to start growing up and not think she is 18 anymore

Yes, certainly I think you are right about you needing to discuss this with her. Does she have any debt and how do you deal with household finances? Presumably you live together so you have to pay rent, utilities, childcare etc? Is she working? How old are you both if you do not mind me asking?

kindlefirebabe

I am stunned at your girlfriend's attitude. She seems to be using you to fund her lifestyle. Not good for your future. I agree you need to sit down with her and agree a plan. But be prepared to go your separate ways. This is crunch time for you I think. Good luck and stay strong.

bellaboo86

I had an ex who had loads of debt and was useless with his money, which caused no end of arguments. I genuinely thinking having similar values reguarding money is so important. I'm not sauggesting that your girlfriend isn't entitled to a social life but I think nearly £250 a month on booze (plus the new outfits no doubt) is extremely selfish. Just think of that family things you could do with some of that.

Pixie5740

Money and how you handle it in a relationship is a bit like wanting children or not. It's a deal breaker.

If your girlfriend thinks you are selfish for thinking about the future and sees her money as her own and your money as "our" money then it sounds like she is the selfish one and needs a reality check. Either all monies are "our" money or you keep your finances completely separate. She can't have her cake and eat it.

If she doesn't want to save for retirement then once you reach retirement you can trade her in for a younger model whilst she continues working to pay her bills. That's if you haven't given her the old Spanish archer before then.

On_my_way

I find this a shocking situation.

I do know of at least one other girl of 27 who is like your girlfriend but she doesn't have any children.

It amazes me that someone who has 2 children wouldn't care about being financially solvent - is that because she gets income from the other child's father, you and the benefits system?

You need to make sure that you have savings in your name and don't let her force you into debt as well.

Does she work? She needs a reality check. I hope you are ok

abes86

enthusiasticsaver wrote: »

Yes, certainly I think you are right about you needing to discuss this with her. Does she have any debt and how do you deal with household finances? Presumably you live together so you have to pay rent, utilities, childcare etc? Is she working? How old are you both if you do not mind me asking?

No she does not have debt, all debts are in my name i pay for everything apart from the weekly shop, shes part time and im full time, were both 28, she does not claim any maintenance for the other child and i do not have a clue why she does not,i was there for her and my step daughter during the pregnancy so all her life, 8 years to be precise, i dont understand why she wont get anything from her biological dad? Its so hard for me at the moment, she is very 1 sided when it comes to everything

Bublin1

abes86 wrote: »

No she does not have debt, all debts are in my name i pay for everything apart from the weekly shop, shes part time and im full time, were both 28, she does not claim any maintenance for the other child and i do not have a clue why she does not,i was there for her and my step daughter during the pregnancy so all her life, 8 years to be precise, i dont understand why she wont get anything from her biological dad? Its so hard for me at the moment, she is very 1 sided when it comes to everything

Wow...I actually have no words....except that she is going to come down to earth with a massive thud if/when you finally decide that enough is enough.
You are a good man and she doesn't deserve you.