Mutual friend (24) interfering with me (25) and my boyfriend's relationship (25)

Philip624

fluffnutter wrote: »

I don't know whether to despair or be impressed about their commitment to work either. When I was in my mid twenties it was shag, shag, shag, booze, booze, booze every night. You just dragged yourself to work the next day and got on with it. Aren't they all a bit, well, young, for this level of seriousness? They should be having fun, not implementing written plans, and insisting on 'date night' once a week (work commitments permitting).

OP... Do.More.Drugs. Honestly, now's the time. You'll only regret it if you don't. Plenty of time for being as dull as chuff when you're saddled with kids, an enormous mortgage and a faint anxiety about bin collection day.

you can alleviate any bin collection day stress through the simple use of a spreadsheet, as long as you remember to adjust the formula to allow for any changes in bin day due to bank holidays.

KateBob

fluffnutter wrote: »

Plenty of time for being as dull as chuff when you're saddled with kids, an enormous mortgage and a faint anxiety about bin collection day.

Sod it Fluff, you've just described my life to a tee

fluffnutter

Soleil_lune wrote: »

You should take your own advice. You were clearly blaming the OP in the post of yours that I quoted.

Why are you going on about blame? It's just about differing perspectives. The OP sees it *this* way, I'm suggesting that Lucy sees it differently. 'Blame' is all a bit unnecessary, isn't it? I don't doubt it's frustrating for the OP to feel that her relationship is under scrutiny, I'm just pointing out that she's pretty quick to slag off a mate of ten year's standing now that she's copped off.

She is, I assume, happy. She's got the fella, the spreadsheets, the weekly shag night; Lucy's just got the remnants of a long-standing friendship and a few tattered wisps of non-implemented written plans shoved down the side of the sofa. Perhaps the OP could trying being a bit more magnanimous instead of moaning about her mate on the internet.

byjimini

He's living with her, you're both living apart from each other. Why not suggest you move in together? Then she's out of the equation.

If he doesn't want to, then that's a can of worms right there.

marisco_2

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

I'm not surprised really that shes making comments and stirring it as its just sounds so odd.

The only odd thing here is that a woman in her 20s concerns herself so much with other peoples relationships, seeing nothing wrong with !!!!!ing and stirring to mutual friends despite having her facts wrong.

OP rise above her passive aggressive behaviour. She is only achieving to ultimately isolate herself. Sensible people will start to distance themselves from her, not wishing to give her opportunity to treat them the same way.

bluenoseam

Could be me, but the OP's post does kinda make this relationship seem all very....mechanical, everything in it's place in the right time and all that jazz. I get that people are a little more career minded, but c'mon, scheduled date nights, I have 6 romantic bones in my body all residing in my two middle fingers and even I find that screwed up!

I'm not saying the mutual friend isn't slightly jealous, she may well be, but she may also be using different terminology to point out what I've just said as well. (although I do find it somewhat odd that people think men & women can't coexist platonically - believe it or not, not all of us are governed by our genitals!)

I think maybe a breather & a look at the relationship may be in order, cos to me I wouldn't enjoy being in this relationship - but I'm a wholy different mindset admittedly. Try to be a little less caught up, leave work at work & get on with being a 20-something, life's short enough without regimenting EVERYTHING in life as soon as possible.

fluffnutter

byjimini wrote: »

He's living with her, you're both living apart from each other. Why not suggest you move in together? Then she's out of the equation.

If he doesn't want to, then that's a can of worms right there.

Or maybe it's just a bit too soon. Plenty of people don't feel ready to commit to moving in with someone after only four months. It doesn't mean there's a sinister reason.

Plus Lucy might be quite chilled about the household chores and whatnot whereas he knows he's going to be saddled with a roster the size of Belgium if he moves in with the OP.

fluffnutter

bluenoseam wrote: »

Could be me, but the OP's post does kinda make this relationship seem all very....mechanical, everything in it's place in the right time and all that jazz. I get that people are a little more career minded, but c'mon, scheduled date nights, I have 6 romantic bones in my body all residing in my two middle fingers and even I find that screwed up!

Date nights are weird aren't they? A celeb invention I reckon. I never heard of them until 'inspirational' couples like the Beckhams started rattling on about them being the way to 'keep the romance' alive despite two busy careers, four children (and an enormous entourage of personal assistants/housekeepers/chefs/cleaners/nannies).

I think they have their place when you've been together for years and the only conversation you've had in the past three months has been about your child's shit. But after four short months together, when you're in your 20s no less, you should be banging away every night like a couple of bunnies on speed.

Hermia

fluffnutter wrote: »

I don't know whether to despair or be impressed about their commitment to work either. When I was in my mid twenties it was shag, shag, shag, booze, booze, booze every night. You just dragged yourself to work the next day and got on with it. Aren't they all a bit, well, young, for this level of seriousness? They should be having fun, not implementing written plans, and insisting on 'date night' once a week (work commitments permitting).

Ha. Depends on the career/profession you are in I suppose. If a young couple have both gone into professions that require a huge amount of work and training and odd hours dating spreadsheets may be required!

I wonder if the boyf has been moaning to Lucy about the relationship. Not in a horrible way, but just to let off steam. Or even joked to her about the spreadsheets! I can see someone making that sort of remark and it sounding worse than it is to outsiders. Then when partner discovers people are talking boyf pretends he had nothing to do with it.

fluffnutter

Hermia wrote: »

Ha. Depends on the career/profession you are in I suppose. If a young couple have both gone into professions that require a huge amount of work and training and odd hours dating spreadsheets may be required!

I think it's more about attitude and culture, rather than whether the job is demanding. Have you seen how much junior doctors party??