Mutual friend (24) interfering with me (25) and my boyfriend's relationship (25)

smartpicture

fluffnutter wrote: »

The more I think about it, the more I sympathise with Lucy. She's living with her mate, mooching along in life, then his new bird pitches up with her spreadsheets, date schedules and written plans like someone let loose with their first clipboard.

No wonder she's poking a bit of fun at it all. I would. In fact, I am.

Except that the OP said they had both been friends with the flatmate for 10 years, so she's not a 'new bird pitching up'. And the written plan was just one suggestion given when the boyfriend was asking for help, and was never implemented.

Although I think this reply shows perfectly how things get twisted and exaggerated by other people. So it's best to accept that so long as you and your boyfriend are happy with your relationship, you have to ignore other people's attempts to stir things.

fluffnutter

smartpicture wrote: »

Except that the OP said they had both been friends with the flatmate for 10 years, so she's not a 'new bird pitching up'. And the written plan was just one suggestion given when the boyfriend was asking for help, and was never implemented.

Although I think this reply shows perfectly how things get twisted and exaggerated by other people. So it's best to accept that so long as you and your boyfriend are happy with your relationship, you have to ignore other people's attempts to stir things.

Agree 100%. And save the clipboard, written plans and spreadsheets for 'sexy time'. Or Wednesday nights perhaps? They could probably combine the two in a 'sexy secretary' fantasy. Some things should be just between couples, not discussed in front of others.

d70cw6

suggest a threesome?

fluffnutter

Isn't it interesting how quickly women's friendships sour when there's a fella involved? Lucy has been a close friend to both for a decade yet the OP's speaking of her like she's a virtual stranger. Surely you'd understand what's motivating your mate if you've known them that long. Perhaps you'd even be sensitive enough to appreciate that any change in dynamics in a long-standing friendship like this is going to take some time to adjust to. Why would you need to ask on a forum what to do about it? If she's a close friend then why not just speak to her, or at least understand that it's a bit weird when two of your oldest mates suddenly cop off together.

But let's face it... poor old Lucy's been sidelined now that love's young dream has taken off. She's nada to the OP now that she's got a shagpiece on the go. She's just the bee-atch trying to throw a spanner in the works

Soleil_lune

duchy wrote: »

Ignore her
Who cares what she thinks.
She's possibly worried that your BF will move out leaving her to find a new flatmate or maybe she just doesn't like you.

How are you finding out she is saying these things - from your boyfriend or from "helpful" friends ? Why are people "reporting" to you. Sounds like a very immature bunch

j.e.j. wrote: »

Has she got a love-interest of her own? if not this could explain why she feels the need to stick her oar in where it's not wanted. And is it usual for members of your group of friends to go blabbing things to each other about other members of the group? I think you're going to have to just tell her to mind her own beezwax, tbh.

kitty_kins wrote: »

Sounds like she's a bit jealous that you're going out with him.

Here's how it looks to an outsider (I'm 23 if that adds anything to it: )

Girl lives with boy. This is a bit odd if they aren't in a relationship (to me) because I would never put up with a male housemate if we weren't an item (not after uni, GOD no!) So girl probably likes boy at least a little bit in order to put up with him.

Here's how it looks to an outsider (I'm 23 if that adds anything to it.)

Friend comes along and starts dating boy. Girl is not happy even though she likes friend because boy has chosen friend over her. Girl was (probably) boy's confidante before friend came along, so girl and boy no longer as close so probably won't end up with boy any more.

I would just ignore her. The only people who know what is going on in your relationship are you and your boyfriend. Just because you haven't been together that long doesn't mean you don't have a solid relationship. It seems to me that she is trying to drive a wedge between you so the best thing to do would be to rise above it.

What I'm basically trying to say is to ignore her, she's jealous, she'll get over it.

Hope this helps

xx

These 3 ^^^ the girl obviously has a bee in her bonnet about you, because she is jealous. All I will disagree with in kitty's post is about boys and girls living together platonically. That is quite common. It's quite possible for 2 twenty-something to live together platonically, without one fancying another. Other than that, I agree with Kitty.

Sounds largely like a petty little girl who can't hack the boy she fancies having a girlfriend, so she makes up spiteful little tales about his g/f being a control freak, because they have a schedule. It's not uncommon for people who have a job, and who are busy. I don't know why people think it's so strange.

Soleil_lune

fluffnutter wrote: »

Isn't it interesting how quickly women's friendships sour when there's a fella involved? Lucy has been a close friend to both for a decade yet the OP's speaking of her like she's a virtual stranger. Surely you'd understand what's motivating your mate if you've known them that long. Perhaps you'd even be sensitive enough to appreciate that any change in dynamics in a long-standing friendship like this is going to take some time to adjust to. Why would you need to ask on a forum what to do about it? If she's a close friend then why not just speak to her, or at least understand that it's a bit weird when two of your oldest mates suddenly cop off together.

But let's face it... poor old Lucy's been sidelined now that love's young dream has taken off. She's nada to the OP now that she's got a shagpiece on the go. She's just the bee-atch trying to throw a spanner in the works

So Lucy is innocent in all this? She hasn't been tittle-tattling and b1tching at the group of friends because she is a bit jealous of the OP's relationship with this fella? She hasn't been mocking and goading and calling her a control freak, because she has a bit of a schedule with her b/f? She isn't a needy, clingy, jealous, immature little girl who cannot handle the fact that a male friend she fancies has picked someone else?

The OP is the one at fault is she, because she has the audacity to be ticked off at this other girls's behaviour, and is fed up of this clearly jealous young woman, interfering in her relationship.

Do me a favour. The OP has done nothing wrong, and 'Lucy' needs to get over herself and realise that this fella has picked the OP, and not her.

tea_lover

Soleil_lune wrote: »

So Lucy is innocent in all this? She hasn't been tittle-tattling and b1tching at the group of friends because she is a bit jealous of the OP's relationship with this fella? She hasn't been mocking and goading and calling her a control freak, because she has a bit of a schedule with her b/f? She isn't a needy, clingy, jealous, immature little girl who cannot handle the fact that a male friend she fancies has picked someone else?

The OP is the one at fault is she, because she has the audacity to be ticked off at this other girls's behaviour, and is fed up of this clearly jealous young woman, interfering in her relationship.

Do me a favour. The OP has done nothing wrong, and 'Lucy' needs to get over herself and realise that this fella has picked the OP, and not her.

Er... calm down.

Bit of an over-reaction there.

fluffnutter

I don't know whether to despair or be impressed about their commitment to work either. When I was in my mid twenties it was shag, shag, shag, booze, booze, booze every night. You just dragged yourself to work the next day and got on with it. Aren't they all a bit, well, young, for this level of seriousness? They should be having fun, not implementing written plans, and insisting on 'date night' once a week (work commitments permitting).

OP... Do.More.Drugs. Honestly, now's the time. You'll only regret it if you don't. Plenty of time for being as dull as chuff when you're saddled with kids, an enormous mortgage and a faint anxiety about bin collection day.

fluffnutter

Soleil_lune wrote: »

So Lucy is innocent in all this? She hasn't been tittle-tattling and b1tching at the group of friends because she is a bit jealous of the OP's relationship with this fella? She hasn't been mocking and goading and calling her a control freak, because she has a bit of a schedule with her b/f? She isn't a needy, clingy, jealous, immature little girl who cannot handle the fact that a male friend she fancies has picked someone else?

The OP is the one at fault is she, because she has the audacity to be ticked off at this other girls's behaviour, and is fed up of this clearly jealous young woman, interfering in her relationship.

Do me a favour. The OP has done nothing wrong, and 'Lucy' needs to get over herself and realise that this fella has picked the OP, and not her.

There are two sides to every story. How can you say someone is 'needy', 'clingy', 'jealous', 'immature' when you have so little to go on? What scrap of evidence have you got that Lucy fancies this fella herself? None whatsoever.

This is just your spin on events. Mine is different. Both are extrapolations and speculations. We are not the OP, nor Lucy, nor the boyfriend. We simply don't know.

Here's my take on things.. they're a long-standing friendship of three. Two of the threesome have recently copped off. The third, not unsurprisingly perhaps, finds this a bit strange, is having some time adjusting, worries that she'll be left out (she will after all) and is poking a bit of fun at elements of the relationship that she finds alien.

Sure, Lucy just needs to suck it up, but equally her two CLOSE friends, people who've apparently known her for TEN YEARS could use their brains and appreciate that someone they presumably love is feeling a bit left out rather than come bleating on the internet about what a jealous cow she is.

Like I said, two sides to every story.

Soleil_lune

tea_lover wrote: »

Er... calm down.

Bit of an over-reaction there.

Not at all. And I don't need to calm down thanks.

I am merely putting another side across. Fluffnutter was quick to blame the OP in the post I quoted from her, and I was simply stating another side.

fluffnutter wrote: »

There are two sides to every story. How can you say someone is 'needy', 'clingy', 'jealous', 'immature' when you have so little to go on? What scrap of evidence have you got that Lucy fancies this fella herself? None whatsoever.

This is just your spin on events. Mine is different. Both are extrapolations and speculations. We are not the OP, nor Lucy, nor the boyfriend. We simply don't know.

Here's my take on things.. they're a long-standing friendship of three. Two of the threesome have recently copped off. The third, not unsurprisingly perhaps, finds this a bit strange, is having some time adjusting, worries that she'll be left out (she will after all) and is poking a bit of fun at elements of the relationship that she finds alien.

Sure, Lucy just needs to suck it up, but equally her two CLOSE friends, people who've apparently known her for TEN YEARS could use their brains and appreciate that someone they presumably love is feeling a bit left out rather than come bleating on the internet about what a jealous cow she is.

Like I said, two sides to every story.

You should take your own advice. You were clearly blaming the OP in the post of yours that I quoted.

Anyway, I am not getting into a fight with anyone about this. And I didn't mean to have a go at anyone. I was just putting another side across.

What is the point in us arguing? the OP is a newbie that has not even been back to the thread since she posted it!