Mutual friend (24) interfering with me (25) and my boyfriend's relationship (25)

Louise-j

My boyfriend and I have been together about 4 months. My boyfriend lives with our mutual friend Lucy who we've both been friends with for over 10 years. Lucy made a few inappropriate comments to our group of friends recently on a night out that I'm not sure how to respond to.

Lucy told our group of mutual friends that I am too controlling of my boyfriend as I demand that every Wednesday is date night when she believes that my boyfriend is too busy with work commitments to see me. This is an arrangement me and my boyfriend finds works for us as we are both busy people with work and commitments every weekday with the exception of Wednesday and we both prioritise getting things on other days in the week in order to be able to spend time together. If either one of us is unable to make date night, then we are both very understanding to each other. Lucy is under the impression that my boyfriend is unhappy with this arrangement due to his work commitments. However I believe she has interpreted this incorrectly as she will hear him complain about his workload, but my boyfriend shares things with me that he would not mention to her such as how Wednesday is the only thing that gets him through the week and the only thing motivating him to complete his work on time so he gets to spend time with me.

Another example of when she has misunderstood is during a conversation where the three of us were all present for and my boyfriend was struggling with his work and looking for coping strategies. I suggested he implement a written plan to work out when he could get his work done during the evenings. Our friend has reported to the group that I have made this plan for him and forced him to live by it, whereas in reality he said he's not really a planning person and wasn't sure that would work for him so we moved onto looking at other solutions.

I feel like she is trying to interfere with our relationship and create problems where they are none. I no longer feel comfortable being at my boyfriends house as I'm worried she will incorrectly report back our conversations and pollute our mutual friendship groups view of our relationship.

I'm not sure how to handle this. Any advice would be appreciated.

Caroline_a

Just tell her?

martinthebandit

Are you really 25?

jenhug

So she wants him for herself.

Tell her to mind her own business and ask your partner to stop confiding in her so much.

duchy

Ignore her
Who cares what she thinks.
She's possibly worried that your BF will move out leaving her to find a new flatmate or maybe she just doesn't like you.

How are you finding out she is saying these things - from your boyfriend or from "helpful" friends ? Why are people "reporting" to you. Sounds like a very immature bunch

j.e.j.

Has she got a love-interest of her own? if not this could explain why she feels the need to stick her oar in where it's not wanted. And is it usual for members of your group of friends to go blabbing things to each other about other members of the group? I think you're going to have to just tell her to mind her own beezwax, tbh.

kitty_kins

Sounds like she's a bit jealous that you're going out with him.

Here's how it looks to an outsider (I'm 23 if that adds anything to it)

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Girl lives with boy. This is a bit odd if they aren't in a relationship (to me) because I would never put up with a male housemate if we weren't an item (not after uni, GOD no!) So girl probably likes boy at least a little bit in order to put up with him.

Friend comes along and starts dating boy. Girl is not happy even though she likes friend because boy has chosen friend over her. Girl was (probably) boy's confidante before friend came along, so girl and boy no longer as close so probably won't end up with boy any more.

--

I would just ignore her. The only people who know what is going on in your relationship are you and your boyfriend. Just because you haven't been together that long doesn't mean you don't have a solid relationship. It seems to me that she is trying to drive a wedge between you so the best thing to do would be to rise above it.

Relationships take work. My boyfriend and I have been together 7 years this April, after meeting at college. It hasn't always been easy, insecurities have threatened to ruin the relationship, but we've talked and moved past them. What I'm basically trying to say is to ignore her, she's jealous, she'll get over it.

Hope this helps

xx

misspickle_2

You've got no option but to ignore her really. 4 months is very early days.
I can appreciate how annoying it is but just let her get on with it.
Don't let her get under your skin.
And don't take too much notice of gossip.
Plan a fantastic valentines and don't give her a second thought.

I wouldn't bother talking it out with her. It will just get twisted and fuel more gossip which is exactly what she wants and exactly what you don't need.
Stay quiet and let her dig her own grave.

aileth

Completely ignore her. She is obviously trying to cause trouble, and the sooner she realises her sh*t-stirring isn't affecting you or your relationship, the sooner she'll pack it in.

tykesi

kitty_kins wrote: »

(I'm 23 if that adds anything to it)

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Girl lives with boy. This is a bit odd if they aren't in a relationship (to me)

23 or 73? This is 2015 you know?

kitty_kins

Calm down tykesi - I was just saying it was weird to me.

Most girls I know would pick living with another girl/on their own rather than sharing with a male friend. Therefore, I find her living situation PLUS how weird she's acting to be a bit odd.