Really fed up with birth mothers emotional blackmail.

clark24

Wilma33 wrote: »

Apply for a copy of the will because for all you know she left you a lot more than some jewellery!

I've just applied, now I need to wait until it is available.

I know that what I have been left in their joint estate, which I am supposed to get upon my grandfathers death is quite valuable, and would mean my childrens educational costs would be covered and also my funeral expenses etc.

Of course if that is also given to my mother to pass on to me I will never see any of it...

clark24

TiddlyPom wrote: »

I can't add anything to the advice that has been given. I am so very sorry you find yourself in this position and subject to emotional blackmail from the one person who should nurture and protect you. Very sad.
You are in my thoughts.

Thankyou

I think after the grief of losing my grandmother all of this nasty behaviour from my mother has just had a deeper effect than it should have

Mojisola

clark24 wrote: »

I think after the grief of losing my grandmother all of this nasty behaviour from my mother has just had a deeper effect than it should have

Quite understandable.

thorsoak

clark24 wrote: »

I've just applied, now I need to wait until it is available.

I know that what I have been left in their joint estate, which I am supposed to get upon my grandfathers death is quite valuable, and would mean my childrens educational costs would be covered and also my funeral expenses etc.

Of course if that is also given to my mother to pass on to me I will never see any of it...

I think that it might be worth your while - for your peace of mind at least - to consult a solicitor about how you should proceed when your grandfather dies in order to protect the inheritance for you and your children, so that you know what steps you should take then.

itsanne

clark24 wrote: »

I've just applied, now I need to wait until it is available.

I know that what I have been left in their joint estate, which I am supposed to get upon my grandfathers death is quite valuable, and would mean my childrens educational costs would be covered and also my funeral expenses etc.

Of course if that is also given to my mother to pass on to me I will never see any of it...

That might be a good reason to pursue things through the executors this time. If it's the same executors for your grandfather's will, they'll be much less likely to hand anything willed to you to anyone else if they have to sort out this mess. Otherwise I would recommend you to put it behind you and not let your mother have any more negative impact than she already has.

Good luck, whatever you decide.

meritaten

its quite simple really. The executors have a legal obligation to ensure that the beneficiaries receive their bequests. in other words they don't go handing out YOUR stuff to anyone else. They can get in serious trouble for that.
now, if you can get the details for the executors - contact them by letter (making sure its signed for) and inform them that you know the will has been probated and you expect to receive the items mentioned as your bequest within 30 days. after that you will start legal proceedings to recover FROM THEM (because they are legally liable), either the items or the equivalent monetary value.
that should put a rocket up them! its up to them (not you) to recover the property from your mother and hand it over to you personally.
good luck hun and let us know what happens.

Kaye1

I don't know anything about the will but I can tell you this. Change your phone number. Cut all ties. It is for the best.


I have nothing- nothing to do with my mother for various long winded reasons and as soon as I made the decision, it was like a weight off my shoulders.


I don't think about her from one week to the next. We haven't seen her for over a year. No hassle, no intrusive calls or texts. Nothing. Just peace.


No 'drama.' No more family members ringing me up asking if I have said 'such and such' about them. (Whatever she has made up) as they know I have no contact with her.


Best thing I ever did.


I wish you all the best.

TBagpuss

clark24 wrote: »

See if I made a 1000 mile round trip with my family, subjected us all to physical and verbal abuse and grovelled at my mothers feet and begged her for the jewellery, then promised to do this on a regular basis there is a tiny chance I may at some day get the items.

But as there is a tiny chance does this mean I am the one who is not fulfilling my duties as far as accepting the jewellery? So essentially the law would see the executors as having done their job and it is my fault?

No. You can get a copy of the will as suggested above. The executors will not know you have done so.

If the will says that the jewellry is to come to you then the executors are required to provide it to you - not to a third party to hand to you.

It is however possible that you grandfather was the executor of his wife's will, in which case you may feel that you do not want to involve him.

Unless the will explicitly sets conditions on the gift then you have no obligation to meet your birth mother or to jump through any other hoops.

unless you discover that it is your grandfather who is the execuottor, and you decide not to upset him, then the appropriate step to take would be to write to the executors, point out that the items were left to you by will, and you have neither recieved them nor authorised the executors to pass them to anyone else on your behalf, and ask them to take steps to arrange for the items to be delivered to you.

You may wish to state how you would like this to be done (e.g. for them to be sent to you by insured, signed for post.0

If the executors have given the items to your bith mother and cannot get them back then they may have a liability to you but unfortunately any claim would probably be financial, so could leave you without a physical momento, and at that point, you may decide that you do want to speak to your grandfather to see whether there might be anything else which he would be happy for you to have as a memento, if that would be of value to you.

If the executors don';t respond, then a solicitros leter might be the next step.

Meanwhile, consider bloxcking your borth mother's family and/or changing your phone number.

You could also consider getting a solicitors letter sent to her making clear that she is not to contact you and that you will treat as harassment any further attempts to do so (you may wish to leave a small door open - for exapmple to allow her to contact you by letter in the event it is necessary to inform you of any family event such as the death of your grandfather) Keep a copy of the letter and show it to the police if she continued to contact you, and state that you wish to report her harassment of you. The poice will need you to report several incidents before they can take action, as harassment is defined as 'a course of conduct', and if any contact is by voicemail or email or text it is useful as it is easier to prove than phonecalls.

paddy's_mum

I recognise that these are terribly difficult, and sad, circumstances but in your shoes, I think I would let Grandfather know what has gone on. He has the right, don't you think, to give you in life whatever he wishes, free and clear, and without interference.

I suspect that he'd be more upset to learn (after his death, if you see what I mean!) that his kindness and acknowledgement of you had been denied than he would be to discover now that the jewellery had been denied you.

I've been in your situation with an utterly poisonous, criminal relative and, like Kaye1 in post 38, cutting all contact was the wisest thing I ever did in all my life. It was wonderful to live normally. It IS possible to shake off wickedness that is directed against you - it only has power over you if you allow it be so, in the same way that blackmail is rendered toothless when truth is revealed.

Good luck.

clark24

Thing is I had successfully avoided having any contact with my birth mother for many years, but I had maintained postal contact with my grandparents as I do care for them and understand they were placed in a horrible situation when their daughter became pregnant with me, as there was absolutely no way that she should be around children, let alone raise one of her own. They did the only thing possible, allowed the police to remove me at once from her.

We weren't very close, as she would become very difficult if they had contact with me and she didn't (and when I saw her she was abusive and violent) but we wrote and I kept them current with details of mine and my familys life.

But then my grandmother died and my grandfather was too traumatised to let me know himself, so gave her my details so she could tell me, and that is when it started. I tried being polite, answering letters and phonecalls but then her obsession started getting out of control again, and she wanted us to all play happy familys, have full access to my life, come stay with us etc. I said no, I was polite (I swear my politeness will be my undoing) but that she could not come stay, or visit and I could not come to see her. Then she started on about the jewellery, how my grandmother had always been very fond of me, how she chose some items specifically as something special she wanted me to have, how my mother would send me photos of them but would keep them with her until I would see her......

I have ordered a copy of the will, part of me is scared of reading it, if I wasn't mentioned in it at all that will hurt me, not that I wouldn't get any 'stuff' as it's not that, more that I wasn't remembered by her in that way. I know I have no right to be remembered, I was adopted so they signed me away but we did have a relationship, albeit a somewhat peculiar one due to the circumstances.

It's just my grandmothers death has reopened a can of worms I thought was firmly sealed shut. I miss her terribly, she was a lovely woman who had always been kind to me and my children. She also died of a condition I have, mine has spread more rapidly though and I won't have the long life she did, and my mothers behaviour is much worse as she is grieving and I feel like a cow for not being there for her.

One thing is I don't want to cause my grandfather any upset, he has been through enough, he never would have intended this to happen, he just wasn't thinking clearly.