Really fed up with birth mothers emotional blackmail.

burnoutbabe

clark24 wrote: »

If it was any of my aunts (which it probably was) then they would not have thought I was entitled to getting anything, and so wouldn't care.

but if it clearly says you should get something in the will, they have to do that, whether they like it or not?

melanzana

Can I ask OP how you know the items were given to your Birth Mother to pass on to you?

Just wondered about that. There must be some communication about this.

clark24

See if I made a 1000 mile round trip with my family, subjected us all to physical and verbal abuse and grovelled at my mothers feet and begged her for the jewellery, then promised to do this on a regular basis there is a tiny chance I may at some day get the items.

But as there is a tiny chance does this mean I am the one who is not fulfilling my duties as far as accepting the jewellery? So essentially the law would see the executors as having done their job and it is my fault?

clark24

melanzana wrote: »

Can I ask OP how you know the items were given to your Birth Mother to pass on to you?

Just wondered about that. There must be some communication about this.

My mother has spent the last few months telling me about them and how she has them and if I fulfill her demands I may someday get them. Until then I may get a photo if I beg hard enough.

My grandmother did indicate a few years ago that I would be getting some personal items upon her death so it could very likely be true, of course knowing my mother this is just one of her sick games.

Voyager2002

clark24 wrote: »

See if I made a 1000 mile round trip with my family, subjected us all to physical and verbal abuse and grovelled at my mothers feet and begged her for the jewellery, then promised to do this on a regular basis there is a tiny chance I may at some day get the items.

But as there is a tiny chance does this mean I am the one who is not fulfilling my duties as far as accepting the jewellery? So essentially the law would see the executors as having done their job and it is my fault?

No, the law would see them as being at fault.

Anyway, decide whether you want to let the matter go (I hope that posting about it here has helped the way you feel about it) or take matters further. If the latter, look at the will and find out what it actually says and who were the executors, and then come back here and post what you find out.

melanzana

clark24 wrote: »

My mother has spent the last few months telling me about them and how she has them and if I fulfill her demands I may someday get them. Until then I may get a photo if I beg hard enough.

My grandmother did indicate a few years ago that I would be getting some personal items upon her death so it could very likely be true, of course knowing my mother this is just one of her sick games.

That sounds very manipulative to me, and the executors should never have given the property to your mother at all. They should have given it to you.

But anyway, you have a couple of choices here. You can be very happy that your Gran remembered you specifically in her will. Remember that very often people are left money in a will, and when the legalities are sorted, there is actually nothing left to leave. But people are happy that they were mentioned and remembered in the first place.

Or, you can find out who the executors are, write to them and demand that they pass on the items to you personally, as they are legally obliged to do.

Either way, the fact that the items were given by the executors to your mother, and not you, is wrong.

It is up to you to correct that if you want to. You do not have to involve your mother in this at all.

Jagraf

I know its really not as simple as I'm suggesting, but I would close the lid on it all, and get on with your life. Really, don't place so much emphasis on blood ties, be with the people you love.

My friend made that decision with all of her birth family and she is whole again now xx

lincroft1710

Jagraf wrote: »

I know its really not as simple as I'm suggesting, but I would close the lid on it all, and get on with your life. Really, don't place so much emphasis on blood ties, be with the people you love.

My friend made that decision with all of her birth family and she is whole again now xx

Agreed.

Your birth mother's behaviour is that of a spoilt child rather than that of a mother wanting to strengthen her family ties.

TonyMMM

clark24 wrote: »

Would anyone involved in the will be notified if I did this?

No - a will that has been through probate is a public document, anyone can get a copy on payment of the £10 fee.

clark24

melanzana wrote: »

That sounds very manipulative to me, and the executors should never have given the property to your mother at all. They should have given it to you.

But anyway, you have a couple of choices here. You can be very happy that your Gran remembered you specifically in her will. Remember that very often people are left money in a will, and when the legalities are sorted, there is actually nothing left to leave. But people are happy that they were mentioned and remembered in the first place.

Or, you can find out who the executors are, write to them and demand that they pass on the items to you personally, as they are legally obliged to do.

Either way, the fact that the items were given by the executors to your mother, and not you, is wrong.

It is up to you to correct that if you want to. You do not have to involve your mother in this at all.

Being a nasty mainpulative piece of work is actually one of my mothers better qualities

I am torn between really wanting to have these items as they contain a lot of sentimental value and it was my grandmothers wish that myself and my daughter have them, and telling my mother to 'do one' and walking away from her for good.

I know it is highly unlikely I will ever get the jewellery, and my grandfather will have no idea this has happened, or that the same thing will occur with what he has left me. And boy will she have fun with how much she can blackmail me with that!!

So does anyone know if my birth family will be notified if I apply for a copy of the will? I don't want to cause my grandfather any upset.