We all need to be heard for a little while.

Waves_and_Smiles

I have been wondering where code has got too, tea. We miss you code!

Hahahaha, nice people can be annoying, Birdie! WaSp says he never knows if I really mean it if I agree or disagree with him or if I am trying to think about what he wants. Apparently what drives him most insane is when he has been in the kitchen and then afterwards I will stand up and attempt to make tea for myself 10 minutes later, because I didn't want to ask him to do it for me and I feel like I am taking the pee if I do. The fact my right arm goes numb and I drop things and have memory lapses when doing tasks means he worries and gets up again to stand with me anyway so he has to get up twice! I can see how it's annoying from his point of view but I am just trying not to take advantage of him! Luckily he just finds it endearingly frustrating because he knows that I am trying to be considerate. In fact, the only time WaSp raises his voice to me is when he yells "Stop being so bliddy nice!"

lostinrates

I'm cutting down on tea anyway, i have to ask fir to STOP bringing me hot drinks when he is here.

Overscheduling this week has been weird. I've been exhausted beyond what I thought was possible, but I've also been more disciplined than for a while. Every day this week I have woken up and put on make up. While that used to be me it hasn't been me for a long time. My skin has enjoyed the proper attention that has gone with it and I have enjoyed the 'self care'. Yesterday evening I was really worried I would not be able to get through today, but today here I am and I feel ok, and that I will cope fine, and that after today then tomorrow is a task I will enjoy, though the most physically demanding and Friday is, apart from fir coming home, a day I look back and think, I got through that week.


Next week, like WAS, we have work men in. Its hopefully only going to be four days. . I know that will be exhausting too.

tea_lover

On the topic of being 'too nice'. I remember having an argument with my best mate in the middle of the Empire State Building as I wouldn't make a decision about something (can't remember what now). I still drive her mad with that now I really just want everyone else to be happy - but I have realised that can come across as indecisive and annoying lol.

If I'm eating out with other people I can't decide/order until I know what everyone else is having. I worry that I'll take the last of something that someone else wants, or that mine will be too expensive. It's so silly - I even do it when I'm paying lol, or when I'm out with my parents and they'd happily buy me anything.

lostinrates

tea_lover wrote: »

l.

If I'm eating out with other people I can't decide/order until I know what everyone else is having.

I am like that with close friends, but mainly so that I can taste theirs:D. Not nice at all. :rotfl:

Pyxis

waS all the points you have made in your above posts are very valid. Is there any way WaSp could speak to the landlady about the effect this is having on you, particularly having to cancel the carer and physio. That really isn't fair.
It shouldn't be totally impossible to give you a definite appointment!

How do people who work cope? I certainly wouldn't want random workmen coming into my place while I'm out at work!


Regarding you being too nice, I wonder if WaSp sees it as a sort of rejection, you know, that you're saying you don't want his help? On the surface one knows you aren't saying that, but at a lower level and repeated over time, I can see it would cause disgruntledness.

It's a bit like someone wanting to give you a little present as a small token, and you saying no, don't want it, and then going out and buying one yourself!
Could you see it as his tokens of love, and not as you putting him out?

The other way is to tell him to stop asking you and to just do it! I had to use that tactic with a friend who had come out of hospital and I wanted to do her shopping etc but she kept saying no, it's all right when Iknew she'd need stuff, so I just phoned her from the supermarket and said I'm in the shop, if you don't tell me what you want, I'll guess and bring you stuff anyway! That stopped her dithering! But it was horrid that she kept refusing my help because she didn't want to bother me!

Waves_and_Smiles

I am so glad that you are coping, LIR. I find even forcing myself to use body cream everyday helps me a lot, just doing a small thing to take care of myself. You have my every sympathy with the workmen.

Ah, food. A typical conversation here-

Wasp- Do you want dinner? (he's starving but looks busy)
Me- If you are hungry I'll have some, but I'm fine. (I'm starving but don't want to distract him)
WaSp- Well I will hang on if you want to? (He presumes I may not be hungry but being am nice so he can eat).
Me- Anytime suits me, I can wait! (I presume he is busy and don't want to cause him to stop what he's doing)
WaSp- Well I can wait too if you want to? (He now presumes I am really not hungry but don't want him to be hungry)
Me- Waiting is fine! No rush on my account! (I don't want him to stop what he is doing and presume he can't be hungry at all so I shut up).

Result- Dinner isn't cooked at all and we both go to bed starving. This happens at least once a week. Half the reason he finds my indecisiveness due to trying to be kind so annoying is that he does it himself. It's a miracle we ever manage to achieve anything. Luckily, we both find it funny and admit the next day that we are both desperate for food and have a huge brunch.

Funnily enough, Pyxis I have been trying to practice attempting to say a straight yes rather than a "You really don't have to! I don't mind!" I would hate WaSp to think that I am taking advantage of him but the reality is he often ends up having to do things anyway or like the above scenario we both suffer through being considerate to each other!

It used to be much worse before Wasp figured out my motivation. He used to see me as fiercely independent because I would do everything for myself. It wasn't because I didn't want him to do things for me, it was that I never wanted him to inconvenience himself on my behalf and I felt like I was being mean if I asked him to do things just for me. I am not great at relying on others, it always makes me feel guilty and a burden. I used to be very hard to take care of, becoming ill actually helped there because now sometimes I have no choice but to ask WaSp to do things (usually accompanied by many apologies). I have always done a lot for other people when I can because I want them to feel that I am there for them, I just don't translate that to myself!

People who work have been complaining quite a lot to the landlady. It is ridiculous for them because unless they are prepared for people to let themselves in they have to keep taking time off. I think that I will get Wasp to talk her, I don't even want a set time, sometime on a definite day would help so much so that I am not panicking everytime I hear someone walk up the stairs.

System

WaS you're post reminded of something my nan used to say

She'd ask me if i wanted food, and out of politness and not wanting her to have to make me it, i'd say "I'm fine thanks", her response was "i didn't ask you how you were "

I hate the thought of putting someone out even if they are offering to do something for me I'm trying to train myself to say yes (if i'm actually hungry for example!) more often now.

tea_lover

Tricky to get the balance isn't it? I feel like I'm putting people out and being a burden if they so much as make me a cup of tea. Which means I can then come across as a bit aloof.

System

tea_lover wrote: »

Tricky to get the balance isn't it? I feel like I'm putting people out and being a burden if they so much as make me a cup of tea. Which means I can then come across as a bit aloof.

Swain asked me if i wanted a drink yesterday, out of politeness i said no (despite wanting one)....then 5 mins later went and got myself one he told me i was being silly and next time if i wanted something don't be afraid to say yes, as he wouldn't have offered to get me one if he didn't want to

System

New hiar its kind of turquoise and purple (pleas eignore the dinosaur onesie! )