We all need to be heard for a little while.

seven-day-weekend

Found the following on the internet. It's written by a parent whose daughter is on the Autistic Spectrum. Just had to repost it. It may be a PENGUIN.

I stand quietly while you do somersaults on the bed as you aren't being naughty, you are just trying to get your out of sync body under control.

I stand quietly by the toilet door every time you need to go, and come with you around the house, and sometimes even just across the room, because I know you can feel truly frightened when you are not near me.

I stand quietly at the supermarket checkout while everyone stares at you barking like a dog and blowing raspberries on my arms to cope with the buzzing lights.

I stand quietly while you tell the baffled shop owner that you are looking for shoes that feel hard like splintered wood because your skin can't bear soft things.

I stand quietly when the attendant gives us scornful looks when I ask for the key to the disabled toilet because the hand dryer noise is too overwhelming for you.

I stand quietly while the nice old lady who lives over the street tells me you wouldn't be like this if you had siblings.

I stand quietly watching the part-cooked dinner flush down the toilet as the smell was becoming too strong for you to bear.

I stand quietly as you diligently brush your teeth even though it feels like the toothpaste is burning you.

I sit quietly while you scream at me, trying to control the panic you feel because I gently touched your head when brushing your hair.

I sit quietly while the teacher tells me she knows about autism and that you are not autistic and asks if I would benefit from some parenting classes.

I sit quietly while the GP, the occupational therapist and the paediatrician agree how bad it is but say that there are no resources to support us further.

I sit quietly while you cry because your friends say you can't play with them any more because you tried to change the rules once too often, even though it was only so you could cope.

I sit quietly watching you desperately try on countless items of clothing, searching your cupboards, feeling the textures, knowing that we will have to cancel your beloved horse riding lesson again because they all feel too bad to wear.

I sit quietly as you explain to me that you can go to no more birthday parties and no more clubs as people are just too scary when they are excited.

I sit quietly when my family tell me that you will grow out of it, you just need more routine and earlier bed times.

I sit quietly and rack my brains for something for you to eat as everything you try today makes you gag and wretch until your eyes stream with tears.

I sit quietly when an old friend suggests I would be better off putting you on the naughty step and taking away a beloved toy.

I sit quietly all night whilst you sleep on the cold wooden floor with your head on my leg as you are really poorly but the warm softness of the bed that should be a comfort is making you feel worse.

I sit quietly while you try to regain some kind of control over your body in a meltdown, scared and sobbing and writhing about, hitting yourself harder and harder and begging me to hit you as hard as I can too.

I lay quietly with my back to you as my smell makes you feel sick and although we both desperately want and need to cuddle, you can't bear to.

I lay quietly beside you when you tell me that you are the wrong sort of special and the wrong sort of different and you want to die.

End Penguin.

My son (and his girlfriend) are both on the Autistic Spectrum with Asperger Syndrome (my son's was never picked up until he was 25, because it was not classified as a separate condition until relativelly recently, but we, and he, always knew he was different.). Whilst he never has been as bad as the girl in the article, I have had to 'stand quietly' many times, especially at school. I empathise absolutely with the writer.

Link for reasons of netiquette :http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/jill-finch/i-stand-quietly-autism_b_6875962.html

codemonkey

WaS, I think its ok to feel unsettled by it all. I definitely would. I find it very hard to relax if I'm waiting for someone or there is someone in my house. I've even been known to hide from the dog walker. So to have weeks of it would make me very stressed out indeed. In fact, we're having work done that will take a week and I'm worrying about that.

SDW - that's a very thought provoking penguin.

elsien

Not a health and safety bod, but I think I agree with you tea. When I was a registered manager I delegated risk assessments. One person did not review them in line with the schedule and CQC picked us up on it. As manager, I could bollock him up hill and down dale for not doing it but the CQC issue was down to me as the registered person for not checking the delegated task had been done. Ditto if the risk assessments had been of poor quality - I delegate but I still sign to say I've checked them. If I let poor ones go and something bad happens I'm pretty sure I know who HSE would be looking at. And it wouldn't be my delegated staff member.

I'm wondering if your committee are getting mixed up with people being responsible if they don't follow procedures? So if my risk assessment is fine, staff are aware if it and choose to ignore it, they are responsible if it goes wrong. But if it's a bad risk assessment, they follow it and it goes wrong, they are covered and it's down to me as manager again.

tea_lover

Thanks elsien. That's how I've always understood it - the manager can have other people do all the work if they require that, but the ultimate responsiblity rests with them. We were always told that if anything did go disastrously wrong it was the top bod who ends up in court!

mellymoo74

tea_lover wrote: »

This is a slightly random post, but I know melly (and possibly others) have just the knowledge I'm after... can I please pick brains?!

When I was at college it was drummed into us that a manager can delegate tasks etc, and can appoint competent persons to assist with H&S, but they cannot delegate overall responsibility. Basically, the buck always stops with the person at the top (which is why they are the one to sign policies).

Am currently arguing with a commitee who don't seem to think this is the case and I'm now wondering if I've got the whole thing wrong for years!

I know this is quite specific and not all related to the thread but would really appreciate any help. Frantic googling is just confusing the issue further.

No, your right, I will hunt for something you can use bear with me.

mellymoo74

Tea I have a presentation I can send ya. PM me

elsien

I guess it depends on the point where it goes wrong. I suppose if our policies had been rubbish but I'd followed them correctly I would have had a case for passing the buck further up the organisation.

codemonkey

Ok slightly related to autism.

Despite being forced into the role, I really enjoyed working with children. My mum always said that children were drawn to me. I used to help out at a local nursery that was on Sunday mornings (penguin it was a church thing but loads of people sent their kids so they could have a lie in on Sunday mornings end penguin).

I always wanted to be a special educational needs teacher - and I lined up work experience at a nursery for autistic children. I went for a look around and met the children and I was so touched when one little boy climbed on my knee and cuddled into me - the staff were all amazed because he'd never done anything like that before. Then the teacher who was supposed to be my UCAS reference totally torpedoed me by writing that he felt I could do better than teaching and I was too shy on my reference and the local teaching college who are really hard to get into wouldn't take me. My mum put pressure on me not to go further as I was needed at home.

I expressed a desire to go to college and to do child care and was told I was too bright and the teacher wouldn't do a reference. So I thought about paediatric nursing but my mum went on at me about that being too much (me doing nighttime placements would have affected my ability to be dragged out of bed in the early hours to deal with childcare in the event someone else was too drunk or stoned to face up to their responsibilities). So I became a computer programmer and now I seem to have lost my ability to deal with kids. I never went back to that nursery and I still feel bad about it.

tea_lover

Is it something you'd like to get involved with again code? I bet there are loads of places crying out for volunteers with your skills and abilities if you did want to.

codemonkey

Hmm sometimes I think I do want to but the legislation is crazy now. Its not a problem - I'm disclosure checked anyway because of the work I do but I have no current childcare experience and incoming penguin.

The minister died (not your fault WaS) so I have no reference for that time .