We all need to be heard for a little while.

codemonkey

Heh, don't think my funds stretch to Brazil right now.

Honestly, most of the words are the same but for example, good morning, I learned to pronounce as bom jia, so my flabber was gasted when I walked into our hotel and was greeted by the receptionist saying bom dia and realised what I'd done. I can read some words, I just have no idea if I'm pronouncing them right. Also I have a Scottish accent so outside of Scotland, no one can understand me, ever.

Birdie85

Messed Up- what a thing to do! I'm glad the lady let you swap your ticket so you still got in!

Many years ago (I don't like to think about how long ago these things have happened because I can now count in decades and it makes me feel old!) my Mum and Dad were going to Boston for a short break over Thanksgiving. They got the airport to discover that they were late for their flight...by a whole day! :eek: She's never lived it down and for years went out of her way to avoid flying from that particular airport because she thought it was jinxed! I obsessively check my tickets for things now and get other people to confirm what day things are happening.

Pyxis, that made me laugh how your anger management therapist said that your anger was justified! My parents' friends had the same issue with people parking on their property (they lived next door to the village pub so people would park on their tiny bit of drive and across the garage door, blocking them in. People also would walk between their car and house and scratch the car, rather than walking on the roadside. It's difficult to explain, but was really infuriating for them! I think it's difficult sometimes to keep your anger in check about things that you shouldn't *have* to deal with because other people are at fault! Gingernutty, you are right to get angry that people are allowing their children to damage your property. It doesn't really help you, but why must we (as a general, all nice, normal people 'we') have to put up with bad behaviour in a polite, British way, rather than expecting others to just behave well?! Could you install a camera? Just mention to your neighbours that you're installing a security camera, don't say it's because you want to catch their spawn in the act, just say that you're away a lot and you're on your own so want to take extra steps for your security.

Code- learning Brazillian Portugese is fate's way of telling you to book a trip to Rio! Hope you are having a lovely time, people aren't looking at you or judging or anything. They're all a) feeling self conscious themselves, b) not that observant or bothered about looking at other people and c) not important!!!

tea_lover

Aargh, this decision has been made, so why am I wavering so badly today?? At this rate my mortgage offer will have expired before we've even signed the first bit of paperwork.

All the reasons for making the decision are still there, and still valid. I want more than this - I want a proper partner, not just a messy housemate who never wants to spend any time together.

Have been doing so well at practicalities etc. but am a wreck today and have no idea why.

Birdie85

It's to be expected Tea! It's hard but you have made your decision and it is for the best. My friend was in an awful marriage to a girl he should have never even married and even though she was abusive and rotten to the core, he still wavered for a good year about actually making a clean break. Of course, now he's free of her he's livid about his wasted year of limbo! You're not in as bad a place, which makes the breaking up more difficult in a way, because there's this feeling that you maybe could just put up with having a messy, inconsiderate housemate for the rest of your life and there's been no Big Bang to cause you to need him out of your life NOW... but keep reading the list of reasons you want him gone. ((Hugs))

elsien

And because you're grieving for the relationship and life you thought you were getting, that has turned out not to be the case. And grief can be a bit if a roller coaster which takes you by surprise when you're not expecting it. Be kind to yourself - what you're feeling a pretty natural reaction, even if it does stem from a positive decision for change.

Pyxis

Codemonkey, have a lovely break! I envy you the warmth. It was supposed to get warm here at the weekend, but it didn't, there was still a chill wind. I've never been to Portugal. Are you staying in a Pousada?



Tealover, what the others said. Be kind to yourself. It's probably due to the fact that you were getting on a bit better at the weekend, is that right? It throws you! As Birdie said, it's easier when someone is really foul all the time; it doesn't play havoc with your emotions.

tea_lover

Thanks, peeps. You are all so lovely

I think the 'getting on better at the weekend' comments were probably spot on. But the reason we were getting on better was because I've stopped having any expectations. We still spent the vast majority of the time apart. He still spent most of the time in the pub. But instead of being irritated that he refused (yet again) to spend any time together I've just accepted that that's how it is. Which in some ways has clearly confused my brain - now I'm less annoyed at it all, which kind of makes it harder to make the final split.

Not sure that makes sense to anyone else lol, but I know what I mean :rotfl:.

ETA: not that I tried to get him to do anything together, I gave up on that after Christmas when I realised this really wasn't going to work.

Waves_and_Smiles

It will hurt on and off, tea. It is better at weekends because you are becoming indifferent to unacceptable behaviours, it is part of the emotional separation as you move away from the dreams for the relationships. You aren't trying to fight for the relationship to survive anymore. But at the same time that is very sad and you will grieve for what you had imagined you could have had, that is totally natural.

I have known that relationships are over for me with ex's when their behaviour stopped bothering me, there wasn't any feeling there any longer to make me care. While I was still angry and fighting back I knew that I still had feelings, when I stopped caring I realised I simply didn't have emotional attachment to the relationship anymore and that is a terribly sad thing to realise. Hate is just as strong as love within in a relationship, it is still a connection.

Now I could meet my ex's and not feel anything, really. Maybe memories of the good times but any attachment is gone, they are separate from me. I do need to point out that mine were very bad and sometimes abusive relationships with lots of fighting, I am sure it would be different if we had parted as friends. But still, I hope they went on to have good lives, I have no bitterness towards them, it is just indifference which broke my heart at the time.

Have a wonderful time code!

Me-Very, very paranoid. Eeeeeek!

Pyxis

Is it still bad, WaS? I thought you were rather quiet.

Are the workmen still doing things in the block or have they gone? That cannot be helping you at all.

Waves_and_Smiles

I was laying in bed this morning when the window fitter appeared outside the window and started sticking strips of something to the outside frame. I made a dash for the living room when he went back down to get another strip! People keep popping up everywhere and I don't like it!