Should 18y/o son move out?

rog2

Andybez38 wrote: »

Sorry, but i have not read all the posts. But in answer to the question should my 18 yo son move out.

My reply if he does move out tell me how you got him to do it. I want my 20 yo son to move out. Somehow i dont think he will do in the immediate future as he lives rent free with me.

Maybe you SHOULD read all of the thread, as your post COULD, I hope unintentionally, be considered a rather flippant comment on what is a VERY serious thread.

Perhaps you could read the whole thread now, and maybe re-consider your post. Thanks.

whitehartman

margaretclare wrote: »

I'm amazed at some of the comments here. While I agree that son shouldn't be penalised for parents' mistakes, when did it ever become commonly acceptable that young people who have some kind of an income, whether earnings or JSA, should live rent-free at home? It didn't use to be the case. DH talks about how his very first wage-packet as an engineering apprentice aged 17 in 1951 was handed over to his mum. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry, it was so little. According to him she solemnly gave him back a proportion of it for pocket-money. We all did similar. Living at home costs money, and what does it teach young people if they think they can have it all free, including food, unlimited hot water, phone calls, washing and ironing done. No one gets that free anywhere else, and I feel very strongly that those parents who allow youngsters this amount of latitude, while struggling themselves, are doing nobody any favours.

Margaret

I agree with you margaret but try telling a teenager of this day and age for half his money.....and also i think its admirable that he does want to work and not sit on his backside all day claiming benefits like a lot of youths today.
He has stated that it would work out better if he stayed on benefits but wishes to work.

rog2

margaretclare wrote: »

I'm amazed at some of the comments here. While I agree that son shouldn't be penalised for parents' mistakes, when did it ever become commonly acceptable that young people who have some kind of an income, whether earnings or JSA, should live rent-free at home? It didn't use to be the case. DH talks about how his very first wage-packet as an engineering apprentice aged 17 in 1951 was handed over to his mum. She didn't know whether to laugh or cry, it was so little. According to him she solemnly gave him back a proportion of it for pocket-money. We all did similar. Living at home costs money, and what does it teach young people if they think they can have it all free, including food, unlimited hot water, phone calls, washing and ironing done. No one gets that free anywhere else, and I feel very strongly that those parents who allow youngsters this amount of latitude, while struggling themselves, are doing nobody any favours.

Margaret

I think that your post is very interesting and would make an excellent topic for a thread on its own.
However, whilst I may agree with your philosophy (having a 30 year old son at home) I disagree with its relevance to this thread, but would welcome debate on a dedicated thread.

margaretclare

blind-as-a-bat wrote: »

You miss the point i dont think anyone is saying he shouldnt contribute Its the fact the OR is saying how much that should be which is outside his authority to do and then demanding it is handed over so its not for his keep at all realy is it?

I have noted some of the posts which do say that they have a son living at home rent-free. This is the point that I'm trying to make. It seems to be widely-accepted that young people can live at home free until they choose to move out - which of course they will never do, why should they, unless to live with a girl-friend or someone else who also allows them to live free?

Margaret

margaretclare

whitehartman wrote: »

I agree with you margaret but try telling a teenager of this day and age for half his money.....and also i think its admirable that he does want to work and not sit on his backside all day claiming benefits like a lot of youths today.
He has stated that it would work out better if he stayed on benefits but wishes to work.

I agree that it is admirable that anyone prefers to work rather than live off benefits. I don't know whether asking for half his wages is the right answer, but it should be a realistic amount based on what it costs for him to live as part of the household.

OK, I've said it all, I'll shut up now.

Margaret

whitehartman

The main point is he is willing to give me £40 per week when in full time work but worries that it will tip the balance to an IPA.
Remembering i have only 4 months left till automatic discharge.
But £75 is a no go.

minimoocow

Hi!

I have stumbled on this thread from the main page so like others, must admit I know very little about bankrupcy however from a complete novice point of view:

If your son is supposed to be contributing something towards his keep surely this would then be spent on food, bills etc so the overall effect on your income/expenditure is zero? i.e more income and more expenditure?

Anyway, I know this isn't the original point of the thread but in response to others posts I have several friends/family who have tried to help their children out by charging minimal or no rent thinking their children would be better off in the long run. In all cases I know however the money doesn't get saved and the individual starts their adult life with the expectation of a large amount of "spending money".

I have friends who now are about to move out and are realising that £15 a week doesn't pay for all of life's essentials even though they have been grumbling about handing this over for several years and have spend the rest and have nothing to show for it. I expect (although hope they don't and have tried educating them the MSE way) they will move out, continue living their current lifestyle and pay for what they need on credit cards etc. Therefore they are actually worse off than they would have been.

Good luck to the OP I hope you get sorted asap.

MMC

minimoocow

Hi!

I have stumbled on this thread from the main page so like others, must admit I know very little about bankrupcy however from a complete novice point of view:

If your son is supposed to be contributing something towards his keep surely this would then be spent on food, bills etc so the overall effect on your income/expenditure is zero? i.e more income and more expenditure?

Anyway, I know this isn't the original point of the thread but in response to others posts I have several friends/family who have tried to help their children out by charging minimal or no rent thinking their children would be better off in the long run. In all cases I know however the money doesn't get saved and the individual starts their adult life with the expectation of a large amount of "spending money".

I have friends who now are about to move out and are realising that £15 a week doesn't pay for all of life's essentials even though they have been grumbling about handing this over for several years and have spend the rest and have nothing to show for it. I expect (although hope they don't and have tried educating them the MSE way) they will move out, continue living their current lifestyle and pay for what they need on credit cards etc. Therefore they are actually worse off than they would have been.

Good luck to the OP I hope you get sorted asap.

MMC

Richard_S

margaretclare wrote: »

I agree that it is admirable that anyone prefers to work rather than live off benefits. I don't know whether asking for half his wages is the right answer, but it should be a realistic amount based on what it costs for him to live as part of the household.

OK, I've said it all, I'll shut up now.

Margaret

Margaret,

Oh how I wish I had the restraint of Rog2,

You would have done everybody a favour if you'd never opened your mouth (figuratively speaking of course) in the first place. You have little or no concept of what's being discussed here and for pity's sake what relevance has your husband's first paypacket in 1951 got to do with the 21st Century. We used to send kids up chimneys and down coal mines; I sometimes despair of this country and some of it's feeble minded myopic inhabitants.

Richard_S

whitehartman wrote: »

The main point is he is willing to give me £40 per week when in full time work but worries that it will tip the balance to an IPA.
Remembering i have only 4 months left till automatic discharge.
But £75 is a no go.

Whitehartman,

I've just posted a long list of expenses that you've probably overlooked and the web site has gone belly up and I've lost the post. If I don't post again by lunchtime send me a PM because it'll only be that I've forgotten to do it.

Regards

Richard