Mother expecting me to move back in, help!

RAS

If the rent has not gone up in 10 years, the rent on the 3 bedroom may actually be less than the LHA for a 2 bed in the area, or even a one bed if mum is not allowed a room for her son.

Neither we nor the OP KNOW what the situation is which is why ther OP needs to know the LHA rate locally and know the current rent.

OP - the other social housing option given that your mum is over 55 is older people's acccomodation which can be easier to get than family accomodation in some areas.

fivetide

Excellent point on the spare rooms issue RAS.


To the OP - regarding moving back I would give it to her as good news "Hey mum, great news I've managed to get myself a job with some good career prospects. It's in XXXX and I am moving to XXXX in [month]"


Any parent should be happy that their child has become a success on what seems like a tough upbringing (you and your brother should both be proud of what you have achieved and your mother should be happy that you haven't made benefits a lifestyle choice like she unfortunately seems to have done).


Her reaction will tell you everything you need to know about the potential for further emotional blackmail.


Also, if she does drink a lot then probably not the best idea for her to have a car anyway...

Oakie

Another vote here for you to not to return home.


Give her a big hug and promise her you will call once a week and visit as often as you can.
Is there any other extended family or family friends who give a bit of emotional support to you and mum ?

Owain_Moneysaver

PasturesNew wrote: »

Being single and unemployed's a meagre existence.

But if you don't drink and don't run a car the money you do get goes a lot further.

I don't see how someone can drink and run a car on the money supposedly left after rent payment.

carefullycautious

Don't forget the pastoral care team at your university who can help you deal with your parent.


You have to be firm in a loving manner. What you do not want to do is give false hope or give mixed signals as she will continue to try and break you down.


Its not easy dealing with emotional blackmail especially from a loved parent.


Your mum should pat herself on the back for bringing up such a responsible adult, I wish you every success in the future.

FBaby

Clearly there is an issue with either what she tells you or her budgeting skills. It could be that she knows she'll be ok financially, but is using this as an excuse to have you back to fill in the emotional void. Or it could be that she has ran debts you are not aware of that she won't be able to continue to pay, or it could be that she hasn't done any budgeting yet and is worrying for nothing.

Either way, you should tell her that you will help her sort out her finances but that although she will not have as much coming in, her outgoings should also go down significantly now that she doesn't have to support you and your brother any longer. Be there for her for support, remind her that you will always be there to help, but that you are not in a situation of coming back and ultimately, you don't see yourself living with her forever so the issue will always be there.

BigAunty

RAS wrote: »

If the rent has not gone up in 10 years, the rent on the 3 bedroom may actually be less than the LHA for a 2 bed in the area, or even a one bed if mum is not allowed a room for her son.

This may well be true. However,in the past,Housing Benefit claimants with tenancies in the private sector used to receive the 50th percentile, meaning that the LHA rate was based on the average cost of a local property and in theory, half of local rentals were affordable to those on benefits.

A few years ago, it reduced to the 30th percentile, meaning only the bottom third of cheapest rents were affordable to those on benefits (but in reality, very few landlords want HB claimants as tenants and many tenants have to top up their rent because the HB doesn't cover it).

The OPs mother does face a plummeting HB rate due to 1 or 2 unoccupied rooms (depending on the rule around Uni students being counted or not).

RAS wrote: »

Neither we nor the OP KNOW what the situation is which is why ther OP needs to know the LHA rate locally and know the current rent.

And the actual benefits she is claiming - JSA for a single person is incredibly poor (around £71 a week), an instant route into poverty whereas some combinations of ESA and PIP can be two or three times the sum.

The OP is in an information vacuum and isn't aware how much reality or exaggeration his mother is giving in her account or if she is truly not aware of her correct entitlements.

But utimately it is his mother's issue and I suggest he hands over the information he has found about her options and steps back rather than hand hold her though everything. It does her no favours to achieve independence and take full responsibility for managing her life if he ends up micro managing every contact with an advice body, every benefit enquiry and so on.

carmina_piranha

Could you go along with your mum to the CAB or something similar, and go through her income to make sure she is claiming everything she should be?

Deep down I suspect she might be worried about being lonely, after all she raised both of you to consider university and supported you through your A-levels, so she must be hoping you would both get degrees and further your job prospects.

ca55ie

I understand your conflicted feelings StuckStudent. They just show what a caring and thoughtful son you are. That being said I can only agree with the others - do not go back.
No it won't be easy or pleasant but you are not only fighting for your future but that of your younger brother too.
Hopefully your mum will come to be proud of her two sons standing on their own feet.