I need advice on mil and husband?

TBeckett100

I think I gave up after the first few paras.

TBeckett100

Re the MIL. You moved out, she lost her home and has joined the Jeremy Kyle brigade. Her drug taking son was no good and I suspect when he was there he said a new not nice things about your relationship. She's probably written you off.

Be careful of his new best friend's wife.

HelpNeeded15

I understand it's long winded. I came here for a vent as it's been building up a long time and I've not been able to talk to my hubby so sorry it's bored you but I came here for advise on the mil and how to deal with the hubby's I'm not bothered scenario? So far I've had a couple of good ideas and I'm thankful.

HelpNeeded15

His new best friends wife?
They are old school friends and he's been with his partner 10 years also with two children.

Rebel_Cause

Delete Facebook.

TBagpuss

In terms of the relationship with your husband, I think you need to clarify for yourself what your main concerns are. Is it his lack of support around the house? His failure to acknowledge your concerns about his mother's behaviour?
Have you talked to him about the level of help around the house, and discussed with him which jobs he would prefer to do, or did you just tell him what to do? How much say does he get in what he does and when and how he does it?
have you tried sitting down with him at a time when neither of you is stressed or under pressure and asking him how he would prefer that the two of you share jobs around the house, and how the two of you remind eah other when things are not done?

So far as his mother is concerned, you can't dictate who she invites to things and whether or not they accept. You can decide how much information you personally share with her. If your friends are commenting to you that it is weird for her to invite them out, then it's OK for you to tell *them* that's it's fine for them to say no. It's also OK for you to organise social events which don't include her.

You can't change her, you can only how you respond to her. If you want to go out with your friends and without her gatecrashing, why not ask her to babysit? Perhaps if you and her husband invite her to some things, she will be less pushy about the other thigs.

But again, I think this comes down to your relationship and communication with your husband. And you might find, if you are struggling with that, that an organsiation such as RELATE could be helpful, to help you both to improve the way you communicate with each other.

KxMx

On Facebook you can also adjust settings so that tagging requires your approval before it can go public/live.

Cottage_Economy

TBeckett100 wrote: »

Re the MIL. You moved out, she lost her home and has joined the Jeremy Kyle brigade. Her drug taking son was no good and I suspect when he was there he said a new not nice things about your relationship. She's probably written you off.

I think you have something there.

He may have tried to evade responsibility for his part in the relationship breakdown by telling his mother a pile of porkies about the OP.

duchy

Is he really twenty seven ?
To be embarrassed about friends teasing at that age seems a bit odd-more like something a teenager would cringe at.

HelpNeeded15 wrote: »

Thanks! I've been on my fb this evening and have put all family down as family and acquaintances ? If that's how you spell it? Lol
So now I can pick n choose what she sees as well as rest of the in-laws so it's not going to come back I've restricted her.
I know in the past when he's gone out to our local his friends will be in there and he has said to her he finds it embarrassing when they come up to him and ask where's his mum?
I don't think this is fair on him/us.

HelpNeeded15

Yes he's 27 his response was !!!!!!! Your more interested in my mum hanging out with you than me?

He probably did tell a pile of porkies because it was not pleasant what I went through in them two months because of what he took.
I was not happy one bit as I see it as a drug at the end of the day that affected his personality massively, to her he was fine? Yet he told me he hid it from her.
I'm not proud of what he become, and he's not either, he's practically been in tears to me in the past about how badly he spoke and acted around me and the kids at the time and I must be one special person to stand by him as his wife and get him the support he needed (I took him to the drs to check his health and he mildly damaged his kidneys and liver which gave him the wake up call).
I know I can't dictate who she does or doesn't invite but I think their is a line, a line that her son is happy and has his friends and we have our friends and that she's happy for us, not to invite herself and let's do couples night with our friends altogether I just thought it was strange.x