I need advice on mil and husband?

duchy

Your MIL can only gatecrash your social life if she knows where you are going........so don't tell her .

She's NOT your mother (although I can see why she thinks like she can act like she is ) and you don't need to deal with her on more than a superficial level if you don't want to.

You don't need to cut her dead- just gradually ease yourself out of her circle.......and if FB is the issue- sort out your settings "friends" can be set so friends of your friends can't see your posts- and you can set it so she's in a different friend group to your social life so she still sees photos of the kids but not your social plans.

sulphate

Agreed that you need to adjust your FB privacy settings - how on earth does she know who you are close with, who you are going out with etc. Put her on the "Restricted" list so she can't see anything.

HelpNeeded15

Duchy thanks for that! I don't want to fall out with anybody especially my mil but I don't think it's healthy for her to be involved in our private life/friends etc.
My mum would see this as interfering. My mum wouldn't dream of calling my fiends up and invite them for dinner? X

HelpNeeded15

Sorry il edit

HelpNeeded15

Dh also tells her just out of general convo. He also goes out regularly with her partner. But yes on my fb and my friends tag me in things etc that's what happens.
I tend to post jokes on my fb and nothing specific, warned friends to not post about upcoming events and pm me.
It's my bday coming up this month, we are off out to a soul night, all my friends are going and bringing a friend and one is bringing her mum, my mum will be at the bar already but with her own friends and I haven't told mil any plans.
I've agreed with hubby who is happy with me to do this so I enjoy myself that if I get asked I will say I'm having a drink with my friend but I know that we are going out. So if questioned yes il have to lie and say my friends turned up and took me out.
I hope it doesn't turn sour but I want to enjoy myself with my own friends now that I love to pieces. I now know who I am after having kids young etc and I'm glad I found friends like me, my age who have children also.

HelpNeeded15

Hubby did tell me he's happy to tell her she's gone out with her friends! But I feel that might go down like a ton of bricks? I'd rather do this gently instead of looking like a cow.

theoretica

As for the chores, what happens if the dishwasher doesn't get loaded? Which would be the logical result if you don't do it and don't 'nag' either.

Is your son about 7? Could he be assigned the dishwasher loading?

duchy

I think even the most doting son wouldn't want his mother turning up every time he went out (I note he does out with her husband rather than the two of them) so probably can see why his wife wouldn't want MIL there all the time too. However he also doesn't want it to turn into a huge drama so weaning her off you tactfully rather than cutting her off stone dead makes more sense.

Your biggest problem is facebook TBH

HelpNeeded15

Thanks! I've been on my fb this evening and have put all family down as family and acquaintances ? If that's how you spell it? Lol
So now I can pick n choose what she sees as well as rest of the in-laws so it's not going to come back I've restricted her.
I know in the past when he's gone out to our local his friends will be in there and he has said to her he finds it embarrassing when they come up to him and ask where's his mum?
I don't think this is fair on him/us.

HelpNeeded15

7 year old brings the washing down and lays and un lays the table for us.
I don't want him loading the dishwasher because of sharp knifes. I'm slowly giving him responsibilities around the house as I don't want him growing up like his dad/aunt n uncle I'm sorry to say they are all idle.
I want my sons to be able to have respect, be responsible and be able to look after themselves and their partners in years to come.
Same applies to my husband I no longer want a lazy git lol so he now has jobs but I don't think I should have to remind him like a child. He lives here too after all. I love him dearly but in the last he has took me for granted and I deserve to have some me time too so by helping out lifts some weight off my shoulders.
Even my second boy age two loads the washing machine he finds it fun, and he has a mini vacuum and follows me around when I'm cleaning
When hubby doesn't load the dishwasher I've LE it even till the following morning and he's finally noticed. But a couple of times he's forgotten and my family have turned up so I've quickly done it to save embarrassment.