Assertiveness

Primrose

Try saying "Which part of NO do you not understand ?

Lily-Rose_3

Thistle-down wrote: »

My DH and I have made up excuses for years about why we couldn't do this or that... family, neighbours, etc., not wanting to hurt any feelings but also dreading having to go to the event. Covering our tracks to make sure we weren't caught out. Last year DH said he'd had enough and was just going to tell the truth.

Whenever anyone asks about going out or doing something we really don't want to do, he says "please don't take it personally but I am an unsociable b*****d. Thank you kindly for the invite, but the answer is no."

It's been such a relief to tell it like it is. We did have one couple who would not give up, but after three times of "No, thank you" they finally stopped asking.

You only have to be brave once, after that it gets much easier. Now we can both turn down unwanted invites/suggestions/favours/etc. without a hesitation. No one has disowned us, a couple of people have said they wished they had the guts to do the same thing.

The thing to remember is that this is your life, these people have no power over you unless you give it to them. Life is precious and you should spend it with the people you love doing things that are important to you, not hiding behind the couch in case so-and-so peeks through the window.

Good, thick curtains are also important.

Is that aimed at me? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Good post BTW. Wish I had the guts to do the same. What's your age group (roughly) just out of curiosity.

One day.

Thistle-down

Lily-Rose wrote: »

Is that aimed at me? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Good post BTW. Wish I had the guts to do the same. What's your age group (roughly) just out of curiosity.

One day.

I'm 50, DH is 43. Our reasoning was "what's the worst that can happen?" Either they will stop asking or they be affronted, either way will result in us not having to do the unwanted thing and not being asked again.

I wasn't born assertive - I've been a pleaser for too much of my life, doing things I resented out of obligation or my failure to say no and mean it. It was hard to finally stand up for myself but just remember, you only have to be brave once. The rest truly is easy.

tooties

Thistle-down that's a brilliant piece of advice thank you
My side of the family are simply awful, myself, our son and my husband are running out of excuses and its so tiring and draining.

Many thanks i am going to give it a go

regards

ca55ie

This is the theory

http://stress.about.com/od/settingboundaries/ht/say_no.htm

and is very powerful when you use it. Gets easier the more you do it - I know I had to learn it too

Jagraf

Arthog wrote: »

Read The Curse of Lovely by Jaqui Marson - How To Break Free From The Demands Of Others and Learn To Say No.


The Dalai Lama was wrong on this one - our aim in life is to maintain a balance which is fair to everyone.

just ordered the book, thank you. It looks about right for me!!

Jagraf

Hey Ho. I gave in. I found myself actually lying to justify myself, then realised this was stupid as we would be hiding all weekend from a very high possibility that they would pop in anyway.

They came, and went, at a time exactly to suit them, and I honestly think they have no idea that they put us out, and it is because I couldn't just say no.

I have a lot to,learn. The worst of it is that I am no spring chicken.

I do have friends I can just say no to, but that more about them than me.

Happy days.