Assertiveness

Jagraf

We have such a busy weekend and now someone wants to visit en route to somewhere else, at their time and their convenience. I said "no we don't have time to see you " but then questions kept coming "why not?", "can't you do that next weekend?", or "oh go on". The thing is, they can only come at a specific time suitable to them.

I find myself justifying, by giving these people intricate details of why we cant see them, exaggerating when they think they've found a solution to my timing issues, and making myself feel guilty. Why can't people just take the hint?

I really struggle to just say no.

millysg1

Tell them you will do your best to get home in time but if they arrive and your not there then you obviously were right about the timings in the first place. Then its their choose whether to take the risk at stopping by when you may or may not be there.

Harsh but you've told them you don't have time and if they refuse to listen I see it as their problem.

Mojisola

Jagraf wrote: »

I find myself justifying, by giving these people intricate details of why we cant see them, exaggerating when they think they've found a solution to my timing issues, and making myself feel guilty. Why can't people just take the hint?

I really struggle to just say no.

Broken record - "Sorry, can't manage it", "Sorry, can't manage it", "Sorry, can't manage it".

After the first couple of repetitions, change the subject.

If they keep coming back to it "Look at the time! Can't talk any longer. Bye!"

Jagraf

Mojisola wrote: »

Broken record - "Sorry, can't manage it", "Sorry, can't manage it", "Sorry, can't manage it".

After the first couple of repetitions, change the subject.

If they keep coming back to it "Look at the time! Can't talk any longer. Bye!"

I know broken record is the best policy but I find myself beefing up the statement to justify saying no, and getting into a right twist. :eek:

Mojisola

Jagraf wrote: »

I know broken record is the best policy but I find myself beefing up the statement to justify saying no, and getting into a right twist. :eek:

Get someone to role play some situations with you so that you can practice standing your ground. It will be easier to do it in real life then.

lostinrates

Turn it around.

"I have explained why this is not convenient. Why are you so determined I inconvenience myself? We need to see each other when its MUTUALLY convenient."

InsideInsurance

You;re creating a rod for your own back by explaining why. Its a simple "we'd love to but we wont be about. Sorry, but hopefully next time" - drop the pleasantries if you really dont want to see them

Jagraf

lostinrates wrote: »

Turn it around.

"I have explained why this is not convenient. Why are you so determined I inconvenience myself? We need to see each other when its MUTUALLY convenient."

That's what I don't understand. Why does someone want to visit when they know its an inconvenience.

Mojisola

Jagraf wrote: »

That's what I don't understand. Why does someone want to visit when they know its an inconvenience.

Because they want to visit when it suits them - any inconvenience on your part is a secondary issue to them.:)

pickledonionspaceraider

I know what you mean Jagraf.

I find myself almost letting myself feel like I am making excuses sometimes, when I have genuine reasons to turn down requests similar to these. I tend to OVER explain why I cant do it - and stick to my guns

Then spend the next day feeling incredibly guilty.

I really need to work on that, the whole guilt thing.

Our sole purpose in life is not to make life easier for other people

Jagraf

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

I know what you mean Jagraf.

I find myself almost letting myself feel like I am making excuses sometimes, when I have genuine reasons to turn down requests similar to these. I tend to OVER explain why I cant do it - and stick to my guns

Then spend the next day feeling incredibly guilty.

I really need to work on that, the whole guilt thing.

Our sole purpose in life is not to make life easier for other people

I can see my daughter picking up my traits too. X