New Alcohol self help

lewt

Deleted_User wrote: »

Christmas work do yesterday. In all my previous drinking days, I just refused to go (they interfered with my drinking time that was always behind closed doors at home).

However, this is my first Christmas works do that I've had an invite to whilst sober. So, I decided to accept. I've had a couple of family events that have gone well without alcohol, so I was hoping this would be good too.

Unfortunately, I sat next to a woman who seemed to enjoy putting me down (and thought I was too stupid to notice). It wasn't so much that she thinks I'm a boring old fart for not drinking (that I couldn't care less about), but it was her comments that I've OCD tendancies, have limited/no social skills and that basically she was really unfortunate to be left sitting next to the most boring person in the room/world!

I've no idea where all this came from - she's someone I've liked and trusted for a couple of years. I"m so offended and upset as I don't trust easily. She's hit every raw nerve I've got about my lack of emotional skills and my lack of social skills. She's done absolutely nothing to help me by dissing me about them - what in heaven's name was she thinking?

After 2 hours I walked away from it all. Thank God I managed to get to an AA meeting this afternoon after a 7 mile walk this morning to try and keep it all in balance. I've had a good sob, but I'm utterly out of sync now.

Sorry for the huge post.
Hiphouse

I've found some people can be jealous of us when we are not drinking. they can not fattom how or why we are not. i have thought like that in the past too.
remember jelousy never shows its self as what it is. people dont "say oh im really jealous of you im going to be nasty because of this"
i'm glad you felt better after a meeting.

aah

Taffyscot wrote: »

brod I think you hit the nail on the head when you said in AA there are [people that you admire for where they have been and where they are now and how they have kept off the bottle and did things much worse than you did but are now respectable members of society. Thanks for your comments. Taffy

doesn't that assume that all members of AA were once disreputable members of society? and therefore why should anyone join?

aah

Sorry folks for the last post.

This board is getting me down. I worked on a post which responded to lewt, but for some reason it didn't make it to the thread :

I do think you are right Lewt, cost I am jealous of everyone on here getting on so well apparently with their cutting down or giving up.

I am really tired with my job ( so is everyone I know ) and am fed up of nearest and dearests saying "hows the drink" when I cant admit success. And then being told that I've got to get on with it. Anger is pulsing these keys..

And looking for support in face of the slavish devotion to AA from some posters here. Which is putting me off going to one of the rotten meetings. So sorry I know I don't deserve your support folks, just telling it how it seems.

I was in a work meeting last week, when there were a lot of new team members. We had to introduce ourselves. One of my colleagues said, "Hi, I'm B....., and ..............i used to be an alcoholic....' Followed by HOOTS of laughter, which is what she wanted.

I was ashamed and hid my face.

[Deleted User]

I hope this morning you've woken up from a good sleep. You sound so tired and under pressure.

I don't think those who are close to us necessarily understand the difficulty with stopping drinking. There may be some information that you can direct them too on the web that explains the science behind the addiction - I read a great book that explained this all and made me feel a whole lot better, you're going to hate this, but I can't remember what the book is called. I'll try and get this to you later. Can someone else help out here?

I spent a couple of years trying to stop on my own, but for me this just wasn't possible. I was where you are once and I'm sure others have been too. The longer I tried to quit on my own the more the alcoholism progressed and I ended up in rehab - the best thing that ever happened to me (in hindsight )

I mention AA as I am very grateful for the support I have from the groups I attend. This is what works for me. It doesn't have to be the answer for everyone. We are also told that we are not to promote AA and I'm sorry if I have. All I try and do is share my experience - the strength I have gained in my recovery and the hope I have for the future. A year ago I never, ever thought that would be possible.

Aah please know that I and others are thinking of you and wishing you well on your own journey. This isn't a race, it's not about worthiness. You've my support whether you drink for the next XX days or months. I needed someone like that in the past, the least I can do is offer support to you now.

With very best wishes. Take it easy and keep the day as simple as you can.

Hiphouse

Taffyscot

Ahhhhhhhh I didnt mean that everyone in AA is disreputable. I have a son who is deep in the illness of alcoholism and it is an illness. Never believe that we think you can just stop just like that. All I am saying is that it has given me an understanding and hope that people can come back from the depths of despair when they think they will never do it and others do not understand. I love my son with all my heart and it has just given me an understanding of all the manipulations and lying he has done to me is because of an illness only he can get better I cannot get better for him. They have explained the illness to me that no one else could ever do. Loads of people go to AA feeling the way you do. They do not want to go they think it is stupid, embarrasing, crass and just downright silly. Some still think that and that is their right. I just thank God that there but for the grace of God go I. By the way I am agnositic and find it hard to believe in any higher power even tho it doesnt seem like it with my cmments. I still seem to call on a God of my understanding. Hip find out that book for me will you. When people realise that it really is an illness then there is an understanding in the community that doesn't exist before this. Ahhhh hang in there ok I know it's hard but I cannot begin to imagine just how hard it is. Ask my son he will tell you he certainly is not walking the path or talking the talk I just have to hope one day he will as I hope the same for you. Taffy

belfastgirl23

Hi aah, glad to see this thread resurfacing too, had been wondering how you were getting on.

I don't know if it's any help but anger is one of the things you feel when you're working on making big life changes, it's part of the changing process. So while it might all feel really tough now you're still on your way, you've just hit a rocky patch. Which you will get past as well. What you're doing is NOT easy. Don't let family (or even people here, accidentally) make you feel that it is. It's challenging. It's hard work. I'm sure you've done hard things before and succeeded but sometimes you've slipped a bit along the way. This will be the same.

As for the idiot who made the comment at work I have to say that as the daughter of an alcoholic i don't find it funny at all. I bet half the people in the room were secretly thinking of a loved one when she said it. It's a mark of her own immaturity sadly.

I'm just glad you're still around and still posting!!

[Deleted User]

I've written to the woman who lent me the book that I mentioned and I shall post on here as soon as I get the details. It's driving me mad, I know it's a small book, white with a red title.:rolleyes: .. how frustrating

It's a book that explains the physiological changes that take place in the body when we drink too much which makes the disease progressive. I don't know when I hear back, but as soon as I know, so shall you.

Best wishes everyone and thank you all again for your support. Work was a bit grim. The insulting woman is keeping out of my way - chance or planned it doesn't matter any more, but I was grateful! I did tell one of my colleagues how upset I was at the insulting comments, but don't want to dwell on it. I've plans for 2008 that don't involve this job, so that's a good incentive to bring that change forward - she may have done me a favour!

Hiphouse

suki1964

Its a illness with no cure, we just have to manage it by not drinking.

Aah, welcome back, good to see you here again ((((hugs)))). As belfastgirl has already offered, anger is a very prominent emotion when having to go through life changes. But anger doesnt need to be crippling, you can harness that anger and make it work for you. Its just going to take time and practice before it comes naturally.

I really do know what you are saying about AA, Ive had the exact same thoughts myself. BUT I dont knock those that do believe fully in what AA offers. I do use AA when I need, I still live my life through the steps (as I understand them ) and a lot of the sayings that are used still get me through some bad times, and the serenity prayer is really just part of life now. The thing about AA is you dont have to take the full package, you take what you want and leave the rest behind. Hell sometimes i went to meetings just for a bit of company away from a pub, didnt spend much time in the meeting, spent most of it outside smoking and drinking tea But thats what AA is about, being what you need when you need it, never turning you away and never judging

Oh and it took me two years before I said in a meeting " my name is ***** and Im an alcoholic"

You need not be jealous of anyone here, you are on the same road as all of us, just some are further along then others. You need to be proud of the strength you are showing in keeping coming back, keeping with the idea of quitting the drink one day. So few people even get to where you are, and where you are is a completely different place to where you were a month ago. You may think you are not getting anywhere but you are and Ive said before on here that once you take those first steps there really is no going back. Even if you fall of the wagon or just go back to drinking as much as before, it wont ever be like it was before.

Good to see so many others still posting here, i keep an eye on the thread myself now and then. Oh and seeing as no !!!!!! in me real life is interested thought Id just share with you lot, Its nine years today since I went into detox and put an end to a very long and successful drinking career, and you know I never thought Id ever say it (esp not in those first two anger filled years) Im bloody glad I took that first step

feelinggood_2

I stayed sober for 8 months or so without AA, but the 5 months I've been going to meetings have been the best of my life. Its weird, but I'm actually starting to recovery. I didn't realise how alone I felt and how much I needed friends until now.

I'm really looking forward to Christmas this year. Last year was awful, I felt so desperately unhappy. I put down the drink and things just kept getting worse and worse. This year, I'm happy. Actually happy. Brilliant!

Hill_Bicks

Hey folks I know everyone experiences addiction differently, under varied circumstances but I'd like to offer a couple of tips that helped me a couple of years ago...

After battling the booze for a while I noticed that I was spending far too much time trying to reason with myself. What I mean by this is that I'd think 'oh I could go a beer right now' and then start to say to myself things like 'but no I don't want to, I'll just spend all my money and ruin my health' and so on. I found the problem with thinking through it like that gave the initial thought more time to grow, and I'd often end up drinking. Once I realised this I decided as soon as I had the initial thought I'd immediately think 'NO' and then force myself to think of something else, like 7564 times 35, or what I wanted for dinner, or how I could treat myself instead like a subway sandwhich or something.

This method worked for me and I later used it succesfully with smoking.

I also took up the guitar which I think helped a lot. Luckily I found an instant passion for the guitar and wanted to get good at it so I had to be clear headed to practice it.

Like I said though, everyone is different. I used to be sober all week and then get drunk after counselling, but some people are helped a lot by counselling.

Peace