Taking control

Eager_Elephant

Hi takingcontrol,


Saw you on another diary and thought I would pop over - I have read your whole diary and wanted to send hugs ((((TCAL))))


You're like wonderwoman trying to keep all the balls in the air.


I know you budget for each month separately but it seems to me that you don't have enough income to cover everything you want to pay out/do each month. At some points you mention paying extra throughout the month - where does that money come from?


A few months ago you posted about talking to your DH and asking him about the household bills so you can see what has to be paid each month - have you managed to do this yet?


My DH and I run our finances very differently to a lot of couples - we have completely separate finances (like your DH and you) but in my household I am in charge of the joint bills.
We used to have joint accounts but DH has spending issues and loved to use credit cards so quite a few years we separated the finances out. Back then DH decided that we should both put an equal amount into the bills account even though my income was a lot less - to be honest I think he only did it because he needed as much of his own money left as possible to pay his debts.
This did work for a while but eventually the minimum payments on all DH's debts were about the same as his salary - things were reaching crisis point as he could not afford to put petrol in the car each month to get to work so I had to cover that.
I am not sure how it would have resolved itself but in the end DH got poorly and his wages decreased so he had no option but to default on his debts.


I have been looking after his finances since then and even though he earns less than me I still make him pay the same amount into the pot - some might say it's harsh but he did it to me and he does agree we should both contribute the same still.


DH wasn't really interested until last year about his income/outgoings but since he opened a Help 2 Buy ISA he has shown an interest and when I did a new budget for him/me/household last year I asked him to tell me where he wanted his 'spare' money to go - DH saves some of his income each month in various pots so there has been quite a change around for him.


He recently went on a bit of a shopping spree, his depression has been bad recently and this always starts his spending off - this time though instead of buying £5k vehicles he has been spending a few pounds here and there on ebay and Amazon so not as much damage done.


Would you ever post a financial statement up for people to comment? If you don't want to it's fine - I have never posted mine up, maybe I should?

takingcontrolatlast

Sorry not posted recently as I just haven't had the time nor the drive to post tbh.

My calmness is pretty irratic atm Parsniphead and I believe its a combination of stress/workload and hormones!

To ease the workload of studying I have been factoring time into my daily routine at work (when permitting and I'm allowed a set time but never get to use it). DD1 & DD2 have been helping ... a little around the house and to an extent so has DH. I basically havent done much apart from the bare necessities and this will continue for a short while although today has been productive

The EF is still at £50

The good news is that I HAVE FINISHED MY LOAN :j:j

All the DDs come out the bank tomorrow.

Its been my bday weekend and have had a lovely time. I met up with friends and was treated to lunch and a mooch around the shops. DD1 & DD2 bought me perfume DH forgot!

Eager_Elephant

Happy Birthday for this weekend!!

Glad the DD's and your friends did not forget but :mad: to your DH.


I bet you are so pleased that the loan has finished - how much were you paying each month to it?

takingcontrolatlast

Welcome Eager Elephant and thank you for hugs (just what I need) and for reading my diary.. if that's what it is.. more like moaning, moaning and more moaning

Ive never been called wonderwoman before :rotfl: It's just my life atm which never runs smooth and some days are better than others. I just carry on.

Correct we budget separately and no there is never enough for what I want to do. Plenty of mistakes made along our pathway and it is a learning curve. Extra money is made from overtime. I believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak and this month it is i have finished a loan and i will never get it back out !

Yes DH and I many arguments (discussions) about household bills. We never agree. They are in DH name and I havent a clue where we are up too. I admit that I am quite happy to take a step back atm which I know is wrong and putting pressure on DH (when we first started out married life DH always had the control - quite traditional) but it is my intention to take a more proactive approach in the near future rather than just handing over a share.

The way we run things has changed so much. Like I used to pay for the all the children's needs and bdays and xmas, clothes, own cc debts etc and DH used to pay the household bills and it worked for a while but life happens and then he was unemployed. That's when it all hits the fan!

When I first joined I tried to post a financial statement but it failed and never attempted one since! I dont think I would post one now as I use a basic separate budget which is independent to my DH.

I wish I could turn the clock back with regards to finances and married life. I'm certainly teaching my DD1 and DD2 not to make the mistakes I have made. But I am off a different generation and was happy "being protected" financially - when actually I'm not!

It's not all DH fault I hasten to add - we are both guilty of making poor decisions and are living with them now.

I can emphasise with you with regards to how you manage your bills and I totally respect that you paid equal on the bills even though you earned less and still put petrol in DH car so that he could get to work and I'm sorry to hear that he was/is poorly. He is recipitating what you have done for him by paying in the same and I think that is lovely.

You sound very supportive and I'm sure your DH is very grateful for everything that you do. It's good that he is taking an interest now and you are both on the same page and I hope to be in the same place sooner rather than later.

I hope I have answered your questions and shall look forward to reading your diary too

takingcontrolatlast

Dont worry EagerElephant - I keep reminding DH he forgot!

£120

Obviously a significant saving towards next month's budget and hitting another debt!

Overtime came in this month but hasnt gone to EF as planned as I need dental treatment and have had to pre-pay whilst booking my appointments! I have only managed to pay for 2 of the treatments (one price) and my crown will have to wait! £200+ !!

takingcontrolatlast

Diary I've not posted since August. I needed time out as I felt totally overwhelmed with everything going on in life and trying to carry on as if everything was normal - basically trying to keep up a front - and not just with financial issues - but with health, family and personal issues - the works!!

Obviously it took its toll and I noticed I wasn't reacting to situations in the manner I should have, by that I mean, snappy, emotional etc ... more and more people were passing comments so I knew I had to/have to take action. So I took pressure off myself. Writing in the diary was just one less "job" to do.

I feel in a much more focused and happier state of mind atm and I'm looking forward to 2017 - DD2 will turn 21 and graduate; it will be our silver wedding anniversary and I'll also have a "special birthday" to celebrate.

But tonight DD1 and DD2 are getting ready to go out with their bf to celebrate the NY (music blaring as we speak) and DH and I are planning a night in with a curry, few drinks and the TV - and I'm really happy with that :dance:

I'm off to pop on a face mask, have a pamper, put on new PJs and settle down for the cozy night I so love.

Wishing everyone a happy, healthy and wealthy 2017

parsniphead

I'm off to pop on a face mask, have a pamper, put on new PJs and settle down for the cozy night I so love.

Sounds like the perfect night takingcontrol. Actually im already in my pj's.

I hope 2017 is better for you and you get everything you want.

Ali x

takingcontrolatlast

Many thanks Parsnip

I've decided I want no negativity with this diary although I'm realistic enough to know that life is going to throw a few challenges at me and when it does, I'll take positive action.

Health

This is my priority for me this year. I've accepted that I am quite an anxious person when it comes to little things and yet the major challenges I cope with - can't quite make head nor tail of it but that's me.

ATM I'm doing night-time yoga (from a YouT*be channel) which should help wind me down. So just taking it easy with this and learning how to "breathe" and relax. I'm excited to see how I get on.

I've also stopped eating red meat (hopefully it will improve digestion) in-fact I haven't had any for about 3 weeks now and I don't miss it. The family like stew and spag bol so I need to look at either cooking different receipes or cook veggie ones for me separately - work in progress.

I am incorporating a lot more plant based foods into my diet this year to see if it improves mainly my digestion (any other health benefits gladly appreciated). I actually tried an advocardo today for the first time - i squashed it with chopped tomato and black pepper and put it on a cracker - I cant say I loved it - it was pretty bland in my opinion (may try adding lemon juice) but apparantly its a super food and doesn't contain cholesterol or sodium and is low in saturated fat - so I will learn to love it :rotfl:

Exercise is still a major challenge... still exploring options.

Finance

I'm disappointed with myself in not reducing debt further last year. That's it - no excuses.

This year is heavy financially as I've mentioned - i've got a 21st, graduation and silver wedding anniversary (oh yes and my "special birthday") :rotfl: Not included are work functions and family celebrations. Therefore I need to hit the overtime to earn money and look at ways at reducing spending/costs - most specifically food shopping. The financial challenges have started - see below

Home

Wow - this is challenging - just before Xmas the boiler broke and on Xmas night the electric light popped in the ensuite which blew other lights upstairs. Electrician is coming this week and to make "things safe" it is going to be around £300 - there is no price on safety but we dont have £300. Where is that emergency fund when you need it? It will have to go on the credit card - which the boiler did as well which was again £350. It's going on OH cc but I will contribute when next paid. Luckily I have overtime coming in as well - My first financial challenge for the year :rotfl:

Right -I'm going to pack away the decorations, clean up and get ready for return to work tomorrow.

Have a good day

takingcontrolatlast

My first day back in work after the festivities - I never stopped and trying to play catch-up with a week's work whilst trying to maintain normal day's workload is part and parcel of the role I'm afraid - but at least the day went quickly

I am still doing night-time yoga and can actually feel my body relax - but my brain isn't! Last time I looked at the clock last night it was 3am:eek: I'm fighting tiredness and the need to sleep now so that hopefully my body clock will realign itself and I'll go through the night tonight - I'm hopeful as I'm really tired.... just need to make sure the cat is kept downstairs so she wont wake me up for feeding or playing at daft o'clock tonight :rotfl:

OH thinks the electrician will only come in at £200 rather than the £300 I thought he said. We decided to use the money we were given for Xmas as a present by my m-in-law to put towards this cost so we will need to put the difference on OH cc. I hope she understands as she did say she wanted us to go out for a meal with it.

I've had 2 nsds so far (had to top up on Sunday on a few items) and I have joined only one challenge this year so that I stick to it and not be overwhelmed and that is the 365 penny saving challenge

i'm not going to post every day but I am going to keep up the good work.

x

parsniphead

Insomnia is the devils work. I completely understand the 3 o'clock things. I hope the nighttime yoga works out for you. I have found massaging in body lotion after a bath can help, but not always.

Good luck with the avocado. :eek:

Keep well.