Does anyone ever feel like they don't fit in to this world?

Rev

I have always felt outside the circle. Like I just don't get people and why they do the things they do. I find people completely bizarre most of the time and am genuinely baffled by their actions.

I have great friends. And love them dearly but still don't feel like I actually fit in anywhere.


Often times I feel I could just get on a train/bus and disappear but I doubt that would achieve anything anyway.

And it's not that I care what others think or care about fitting it. That's never been an issue for me. But in not caring it can at times be extremely lonely not having anyone you feel actually understands you.

Richard53

I was highly gregarious and a proper party animal when I was in my teens, but as I have got older I have found social situations harder and harder to deal with, to the point where I actively avoid being in them. I'm fine with small groups (say 3-4 people) but parties where there are lots of people make me just want to run away. If I find myself at a social event, I spend a lot of time outside in the fresh air/rain (easier to do this when I smoked) and scanning my watch to see how soon I can decently leave. Christmas, with its enforced jollity and claustrophobic 'family time' is a nightmare.


I am reasonably confident (was a teacher for 18 years and always fine with public speaking and presentations etc) and I'm sure I come across as friendly and affable, but I find I have very little in common with people I work with. As a male, I hate football and have little interest in any sport, which cuts me off from a lot of routine interaction, I suppose. My mother used to keep the family together when she was alive, but since she died I have virtually lost contact with most of my family - and I don't mind one bit. Nothing wrong with them, I just can't be bothered with it all.


Apart from my wife, who is a friend as well as a soulmate, I probably only have two genuine friends in the world, both of whom I have known since college days, and neither of whom lives within 200 miles. I just don't do the social thing well enough to make new friends easily, and I can't say it bothers me much either.


I'm not depressed, or think myself superior. I think I just don't have the social gene, and if I were left without my wife I doubt if I would speak to anyone much, apart from essential interaction like work or shopping. My dream is a long journey, by myself, or to be invisible.


OP, you are certainly not alone.

The_Druid

Yes, I recognise the "I don't belong anywhere" feeling. I used to think that I would eventually find my group of people, where I would fit right in and "recognise" the others at some deep level. I no longer think that this will happen, but I've learnt to be quite content to be solitary. (And it's certainly much, much better to be contentedly solitary than to be struggling to fit in with the "wrong" group, where you always feel like a misfit.)

What I find odd and inexplicable is that I know exactly what it would feel like to be among my own people, although I've never experienced it!

BrassicWoman

If everyone felt they fit in, there'd be no cult religions - they prey on people's sense of "not belonging" and promise things will be different with them. I think huge numbers of people feel they don't quite fit.

I think we should all appreciate diversity more - it'd be a very dull world if we were all the same! Then you start to *care less* about being different, and that feels better.

Mrs_Boo_Boo

Isn't it all about being a human being? We all have different life experiences, values and interests and even children brought up the same family will be different in outlook. I think we are conditioned to think that popular culture is the way forward and nothing else matters. Was at a friend's house over Christmas and all the couples were cooing about what they had bought each other. Well hubbie and I don't do presents. Also don't watch films or like shopping.
Used to fell left out in my younger days, but now that's them and this is me.
The biggest thing for me for me in not fitting in is not having children. People always ask you about them and they like to talk about theirs.
I was brought up to be different and found it really difficult at school due to not having all the latest stuff,but now am happy to be different and confident in my own skin. Feel everyone is interesting in whatever they are passionate about.
Lets celebrate diversity.
MSE must have plenty of candidates!!!!

kingslayer

I love you all, just so you all know this.

Yolina

BrassicWoman wrote: »

Then you start to *care less* about being different, and that feels better.

I've never felt bad about not fitting in, but then I've always gone by "I am the way I am and if anyone doesn't like it, then tough sh*t, not my problem"
I just fail to see why I should pretend to be someone I am not just to match other people idea of what is "the norm". And yes, I do have friends, real ones and all

Soleil_lune

Richard53 wrote: »

I was highly gregarious and a proper party animal when I was in my teens, but as I have got older I have found social situations harder and harder to deal with, to the point where I actively avoid being in them. I'm fine with small groups (say 3-4 people) but parties where there are lots of people make me just want to run away.

I am reasonably confident (was a teacher for 18 years and always fine with public speaking and presentations etc) and I'm sure I come across as friendly and affable, but I find I have very little in common with people I work with. As a male, I hate football and have little interest in any sport, which cuts me off from a lot of routine interaction, I suppose. My mother used to keep the family together when she was alive, but since she died I have virtually lost contact with most of my family - and I don't mind one bit. Nothing wrong with them, I just can't be bothered with it all.

I'm not depressed, or think myself superior. I think I just don't have the social gene, and if I were left without my wife I doubt if I would speak to anyone much, apart from essential interaction like work or shopping. My dream is a long journey, by myself, or to be invisible.

OP, you are certainly not alone.

missindecisive wrote: »

Yes I feel like that as well. Outwardly you might think I'm confident and outgoing.you might even think I'm the life and soul of the party!

The reality is I am only truly comfortable with my own close family. I feel like I have nothing in common with work colleagues, the thought of a night out with them full of small talk fills me with dread. I'm the type of person who wiggles out of social occasions, preferring to stay home with a nice cup of tea. I keep the
neighbours at arms length, I would hate it if they wanted to come into my house!

I do seem to make friends easily, but I want it all on my terms and get irritated if they want to put me into a weekly slot! I would much prefer it, if say, the coffee morning was about once every 6~8 weeks! Shopping with a friend is a definate no no!! A and there is no way on this earth I could live on a housing estate or development, I tried it once and couldn't cope, had to move house!

So yes, the hut in the woods sounds like just my thing!

This thread is fab, as it's highlighting the fact that people are NOT freaks if they don't have 100 friends, they don't go clubbing every week, they don't particularly like people stuck around their house every day, they're not in a clique, and they don't have a neighbourhood where people pop in and out of each others homes - like in Desperate Housewives! (Frankly a neighbourhood like that sounds like a living nightmare to me anyway!)

I am very solitary, and only feel truly comfortable with my immediate family, and just 3 of the 7 or 8 friends I have. Literally less than 10 people.

I don't like neighbours coming into my home, I have been invited by 4 or 5 in the past 2 years, (and gone out of politeness,) but I don't invite them back, because I don't want them in my home. It's my personal space and my sanctuary, and I don't want them in there. Luckily my husband is the same!!!

Only one has invited us back since, as I think the others are waiting for us to invite them to ours. They will be waiting a long time LOL! On the occasions in the past where we did arrange for someone to come around (rarely!) I felt stressed about it for days. I prefer to meet at the pub or something.

Also, I don't like socialising with work colleagues (and avoid 3 out of 4 works social gatherings!) And I also don't like going on shopping trips with friends; the only people I go with are my husband and several close family members. I have a friend who keeps asking me to start going for walks with her, as we have countryside closeby, but I don't want to; I prefer to go alone!

I have several friends who live quite a way away, who I meet every 6-8 weeks or so at a Costa or something, or we have a pub lunch, and that suits us all. And I have several friends who live in the market town I live in, who I just see and meet up with at hobby groups and at the pub. Recently however, I met someone at a hobby group who is quite clingy and pushy and keeps wanting to meet 2-3 times a month, and I really cannot be bothered to meet that often! Once a month is enough. If she texts me, and I don't reply within an hour, she comes around to see if I am OK! ARGGH!!!! I DO HAVE A LIFE!!!

Over the years (I am now mid 40s,) I have been let down frequently by many friends, and even though I am a loyal friend, I have struggled to find many people who are as loyal. So about 7-8 years back, I decided to not make any more effort than the other person, and if they 'stopped bothering;' then I would do the same. In about half a dozen cases, they did actually contact me six to twelve months on, when they eventually realised that I was not chasing after them, and they had not heard from me. In most cases where this happened, I didn't bother to get back to them, because I was 'over' them by then. I literally only have 3 close friends now (who I have had for 10-15 years plus.) The other half dozen or so are quite new, or are more like acquaintances.

As I said, it is refreshing and rather delightful to find that many other people feel the same!!! It's taken me to my mid 40s, to stop feeling obliged to socialise and invite neighbours in and attend all works nights out. I still get asked, but turn things down most of the time, and I think people are just accepting it now. I wish I had had the courage to do this years ago: say no and not care what people think about it!

taliwillow

Soleil_lune wrote: »

Over the years (I am now mid 40s,) I have been let down frequently by many friends, and even though I am a loyal friend, I have struggled to find many people who are as loyal. So about 7-8 years back, I decided to not make any more effort than the other person, and if they 'stopped bothering;' then I would do the same.

This is exactly my plan from now on. Although I think I did have quite a severe relapse of depression a couple of weeks ago but I seem to have started to feel better. This is what I need to control more. When I feel better I want to be more sociable so I start to integrate into the world again then usually regret it again very quickly as people let me down and this seems to trigger the depression again. I seem to go through this same cycle over and over again and I'm tired of it. But when I'm feeling on the 'well' end of depressed I feel sad that I have no friends and then when I am on the 'not so well' end then I wish I could be entirely alone in the world and just hide away. It doesn't make sense to me so I don't imagine it would make sense to anyone else either.

There are lot's of things about people that frustrates me because I don't get it. It can be simple things like why do people feel it is acceptable to throw their rubbish on the floor rather than in a bin, why do some people (granted it's the minority of people) think it is acceptable to steal from others rather than earn the money to buy the things they want themselves, why do people hurt other people (terrorists and such) but I feel an overwhelming sense of discomfort and frustration at the fact that I just don't get why you would do such things.

I have recently taken on some part time jobs that are mainly home based and I am now considering leaving the only job that requires me to go to a place of work and just work entirely from home. I am trying to hold off n doing this at the moment as I'm not sure if it is a reaction to how I've been feeling recently and maybe when I get back on tablets I might not feel the same. On the other hand, as some people have pointed out in earlier replies, could it be that I'm not depressed and I'm just not a people person, in which case choosing to work from home entirely could be just getting the perfect job for me. I do think once I have left the 'workplace' for a while I will find it very difficult to ever go back to working in a normal work environment again.

lori64

I have always felt that nobody "gets" me.

I never "fitted" into societies idea of "normal".

I'm 50yrs old, never married and no kids (by choice) waited for the I'm-desperate-for-a-baby-thingy to kick in...it never did. So, I couldn't even join the mummy brigade and find a common bond with other women.

I'm a very mature student, don't own my house, drive a 12yr old car, have no savings and have no idea where my life is heading. So, not dating potential either, but, hey, my kinda guy wouldn't bother with that anyway.

I would never conform with societies ideals to fit in and appear socially acceptable anyway.