ohs mum on her own xmas day.

bloolagoon

There will be a way it depends on if both want it.

If you do want it then details to solve logistics will help. Your OH drives so that's one hurdle less for example.?

JIL

It is a very sad thread. This isn't a lady who can do something to help herself its an older lady, who seems to live on her own but has four children who seem not to have included her in their Christmas plans.
It just sounds sad to me, Christmas is a time for peace and reconciliation. A time for families to be together. My parents are still around as as the in laws. We couldn't split ourselves in two so both sets are at our house for Christmas dinner. I hate to think of anyone on their own at Christmas. It would be very different if she was on her own through choice, but sometimes we should make an effort to go the extra mile for family and this is one of them times. I don't think it should fall with the op but there are four children involved here.

Savvy_Sue

Hermoine wrote: »

There might be things going in her area which she could get involved in, even at this late stage. Our town runs a large dinner/get-together for people who are by themselves or maybe a bit down on their luck - is there anything like that where she lives?

My late mother preferred to go to the local 'lunch for the elderly' on Christmas Day but she expected to be invited to one of my siblings for tea!

SingleSue

My ex MIL continued to come to my parent's for Christmas day for a couple of years after me and her son divorced. Then she found her own social circle and they would take it in turns to host, although she still comes to my parent's for present opening...and we wouldn't have it any other way.

Old_Git

I have spent the last four Christmas days alone .The first was by choice after a death in the family ,the next three where family choice .

Vampgirl

JIL wrote: »

It is a very sad thread. This isn't a lady who can do something to help herself its an older lady, who seems to live on her own but has four children who seem not to have included her in their Christmas plans.
It just sounds sad to me, Christmas is a time for peace and reconciliation. A time for families to be together. My parents are still around as as the in laws. We couldn't split ourselves in two so both sets are at our house for Christmas dinner. I hate to think of anyone on their own at Christmas. It would be very different if she was on her own through choice, but sometimes we should make an effort to go the extra mile for family and this is one of them times. I don't think it should fall with the op but there are four children involved here.

For me, this is the crux of the problem: sounds like the OP is doing her best to balance things out fairly with both sides of the family. If her OH's family aren't wiling to do their share then it shouldn't fall to her by default to make up for it.

I really sympathise because we have almost the same situation: hubby has a brother who does almost nothing to help his mum. On the other hand we are the ones who take her shopping (she won't do internet shopping), have her over for dinner, pop over to see her regularly, arrange house things for her and who get moaned at when we want to go away on holiday (who will take her shopping?) or are busy moving house (you haven't been round for ages). Hubby's brother is actually a really nice guy but needs to be asked (he doesn't think to suggest things). She refuses ask him - we are the easier option I think.

We have a system now that we alternate Christmas: one year at ours - my parents and sister come and stay, and MIL comes over for the day. The next year at my parents - we have MIL over on Christmas Eve for dinner and then we drive up to my parent's. We've chosen to stop feeling guilty about having our own lives: maybe we are hard hearted, but its not fair on my parents if MIL always get precedence because of her own choices.

FBaby

Do you actually know how she feels about it? She might be relieved? Ok, unlikely, but who knows? If it is a case of her spending the whole day crying as she realises that despite all she did for her 5 children, she is left totally lonely on the most important day of the year, then that's another matter. I missed your OH role in all this though as surely, it is his responsibility rather than yours?

Newly_retired

It is not always possible to fit it everyone in on Christmas Day especially if you live some live miles away.
Over the years we have usually had some family members visiting but that excluded others as we hadn't room for more to stay.
And yes, sometimes that did leave MIL on her own, but there has to be a balance.
The OP should not feel guilty, but some of her OH's siblings should do their share.

System

I'm sorry but I don't think the OP has done anything to warrant the hard time she has had here. For 19 years she has accepted the responsibility of having OH's mum for Xmas. Now for once she is unable to do that.

It is the rest of OH's family that should be getting the hard time for doing nothing.

OP. Do not feel guilty, You have other plans/obligations over the Xmas period and it is now up to OH's siblings to deal with their mother for once, do not change your plans to suit their disinterest.

trailingspouse

My parents have been coming to us for the last few Christmas's, and were invited again this year. They've chosen to opt out - I think they find the whole business of Christmas at our house a bit much (lots of coming and going, the offspring, assorted boyfriends and girlfriends, grandchild, toys all over the floor, music, silly games, late nights). We're seeing them at New Year, and that's fine with us and them.

I can't imagine anything worse than someone 'putting up with me' at Christmas. If I felt I wasn't wanted, I'd take myself off on a mini break somewhere, or stay home and cook dinner the way I wanted it.