ohs mum on her own xmas day.

purpleshoes_2

AnnieO1234 wrote: »

Got to admit I am in this same situation with my MiL. Due to various reasons, none the least my DHs cancer, there has been a total breakdown of our relationship. Just this week she reported me to social services as abusing DH - this after various issues with her taking an over interest in his genitals during a long period of catheterisation. Her report was spurious and malicious. There is no way she is visiting is on Christmas Day, her other son is disappearing to his new girlfriends (former mistress) parents along with her other grandchild.
Anyway back to the thread, sorry for derailing slightly, but there are plenty of reasons to not have someone around and this woman's other children might be in a similar situation to me. IMHO you reap what you sow. I'm not talking about the widowed, or the childless etc, but if your own family turn away from you then you probably only have yourself to blame. Xxx

We dont know the details to be fair as to why the mum isn't going to the family for christmas day.

The flip side of it is, some people can't be bothered with some of their relatives for no apparent reason.

My gran had close family (nieces and nephews) who couldnt be bothered with her from one year to the next, they lived 10 miles away and drove. Think they saw her once in the 10 years before she died.

She would never have expected to see them at christmas, we were there for her, but family not wanting to see someone isnt always that persons fault.

Hermoine

There might be things going in her area which she could get involved in, even at this late stage. Our town runs a large dinner/get-together for people who are by themselves or maybe a bit down on their luck - is there anything like that where she lives? She might also have a neighbour or two in a similar situation who would like to pop round for a mince pie and a cup of tea. I would suggest that you/your OH have a look at the possible options and then talk to her about what she really wants to do.

j.e.j.

I think it depends on the background to the situation.

If she's alone purely through circumstances, but doesn't want to be alone that's one thing, but if she's alone on this one day because she's spent the other 364 days of the year alienating people, then it's hard to sympathise.

I only say that because my ex MiL fitted that description. No-one (me included) ever wanted to tell her directly that if she was a cow to everyone all year she could hardly wonder why the offers and invites don't come flooding in at Christmas time, so we just let her stew and feel sorry for herself :rotfl:

Jagraf

I wonder how many MILs hate their DIL or SIL but put up with them ...

This thread makes me very sad

My MIL is difficult but hey ho, she may hate me but she puts up,with me.

Jagraf

j.e.j. wrote: »

I think it depends on the background to the situation.

If she's alone purely through circumstances, but doesn't want to be alone that's one thing, but if she's alone on this one day because she's spent the other 364 days of the year alienating people, then it's hard to sympathise.

I only say that because my ex MiL fitted that description. No-one (me included) ever wanted to tell her directly that if she was a cow to everyone all year she could hardly wonder why the offers and invites don't come flooding in at Christmas time, so we just let her stew and feel sorry for herself :rotfl:

Sometimes though its about showing people what's good xx

AnnieO1234

Jagraf wrote: »

I wonder how many MILs hate their DIL or SIL but put up with them ...

This thread makes me very sad

My MIL is difficult but hey ho, she may hate me but she puts up,with me.

I suspect many put up with each other for years, until one goes too far (it might not happen ever) but once that break occurs it's probably going to be un-repairable either between the spouses divorcing or the in laws being cut out. It's not nice but it's almost a universal and age old problem. Xxx

Joanthebone

My MiL was an absolute cow, she hated me and was as miserable as sin, never had a good word to say about anyone. She always came to us at Christmas, and used to start going on about it in August.




People used to ask us what we were doing for Christmas and as soon as we said "well, we've got MiL coming", they didn't want to know, they had met her and knew what she was like, so they avoided us like the plague!! This was all because she made us feel guilty. Once she went to her daughter's house and they made her feel 'uncomfortable' so she was back with us from then on! I have spent a few Christmases on my own, its no big deal and I would not want either of my children feeling guilty about it!

bossymoo

It's a shame. With just a few days to go, I'd feel awful getting a last minute pity invite.

My OH is no longer with us, and his parents have little other family. I always include them in our Christmas plans, although luckily they are lovely people to be around. Since OH died, Christmas is at my house, with an open door policy. We all muck in, there is lots of juggling of sleeping arrangements and dinner is a collaborative affair and often mismatched. Do we care? No. It's about being together and sharing the kiddies joy.

Where there's a will, there's a way.

gettingtheresometime

AnnieO1234 wrote: »

I'm not talking about the widowed, or the childless etc, but if your own family turn away from you then you probably only have yourself to blame. Xxx

Well that's certainly not the case with my mum - in fact she's had plenty of offers but as I said she will probably choose to have Christmas Day on her own

fairy_lights

Is she actually unhappy about being on her own on Christmas day though? She genuinely might not be bothered, especially if she is having a family day with you on boxing day.
It must be horrible to spend Christmas alone if it's not what you want but I don't think it's fair to assume that everyone necessarily minds being alone for the day.