What polite method would you use stop a colleague hitting on you?

throwaway5

Posting under a throwaway account for anonymity:

I volunteer once a week and as I'm working on my thesis I didn't go in for 2 weeks in a row. I got 2 missed calls and a text from the guy I volunteer with who had asked me out a month ago (I declined) and before that tried talking to me on whatsapp (I ignored his late night messages).

In his most recent text he asked if I am well, that he hopes my mother is well and can I please, please pick up. At the end of his text and whatsapp messages was the line "we are the sweet aroma of Christ". I !!!!!!'d when I read that and thought "oh no, he's trying to invite me to Church again". I texted him back a day later: "Hi, I'm fine, but I'm busy writing my thesis. Also, I don't understand the last line, but as I said before, I'm not interested in attending Church with you". He replied, "Ohcomeon... I wasn't asking you to church... never mind..you weren't there for 2 weeks...I miss you".

I do not want to talk to this guy outside of volunteering. I only gave him my number because he ambushed me when I had my phone out and I felt volunteers should have eachother's backs if one turns up late blah blah obligation. I don't want to talk with him late at night. I don't want to date him. I don't want to go to his church.

What's the best way to communicate this? I feel frustrated.

Gingernutty

There's no subtle way to do this.

Talk to him directly in front of witnesses. Tell him you are not interested. You do not want to go to his church or date him.

Do not answer any texts at all. Ever. Don't just ignore the late night ones, ignore them all.

Bring this to the attention of the manager if it continues. Harassing other members of staff is unacceptable.

PeacefulWaters

I don't want to talk with him late at night. I don't want to date him. I don't want to go to his church.

What's the best way to communicate this? I feel frustrated.

Tell him, face to face, "I don't want to date you. I don't want to go to your church. I don't wish to communicate electronically with you."

Ignore the messaging. It will soon stop.

Horace

You need to speak to him in front of witnesses so that he gets the message. As others have suggested - speak to your manager and say that the harassment is making you feel uncomfortable (it is harassment btw).

Block his number on your phone too that way you won't get any calls from him or texts. I have no idea what Whatsapp is but I am sure you would be able to block him on there too.

GwylimT

Tell him about your recent diagnosis of chlamydia

puppey

Horace wrote: »

Block his number on your phone too that way you won't get any calls from him or texts. I have no idea what Whatsapp is but I am sure you would be able to block him on there too.

Blocking number via the network is different to Whatsapp. You can actually block it directly in there, which I would recommend.

One other idea... ask a friend who also volunteers to speak to him on your behalf?

victor2

Tell him you're not interested in anything beyond the voluntary work, and you'll stop going if he doesn't stop calling you.
Voluntary work is just that - something you do because you want to. The reward should be in the satisfaction of doing some good and appreciation by those you do it for. If you're not getting that then stop. If his senior(s) don't ask why you stopped, tell them.

TBeckett100

Hmmm a church for a first date...

On the plus side, being a churchie type, he won't be looking to invite you in for the blood of Christ until he marries you.

Guest101

Invite him to join u at mosque

paddy's_mum

I agree - there is no subtle way.

You could, however, text him just once more and say quite clearly that "I have no wish to take things any further than volunteering alongside one another - I hope you will listen so as to avoid any possibility of unpleasantness in the future. Please don't force my hand because if it continues, I will reluctantly have to take things further."

You have given him a slightly less humiliating escape than speaking out in front of colleagues and if he has any sense, he'll back off. Injured pride will probably, for a while, turn him into a hostile colleague, though!

It might though be worth your while confiding in your manager that this is what has been happening and this is how you have chosen to handle it. He might genuinely believe that his approaches are a compliment to you and need a little persuading that there is a fine line between feeling flattered and feeling corralled.

Good luck.

Cash-Cows

PeacefulWaters wrote: »

Tell him, face to face, "I don't want to date you. I don't want to go to your church. I don't wish to communicate electronically with you."

Ignore the messaging. It will soon stop.

Or just wait until he reads this thread. That ought to do it.