Can the court find me if ex has filed a custody order?

pipkin71

Isla-rose wrote: »

Hello
Basically I have a very newborn premature baby who is currently still in hospital. My ex boyfriend (who we were barely together more than a month) decided to say he wanted no contact (initially) He was extremely abusive towards me when we spoke up both verbally and psychically. He threatened to have people "kick the baby out of me" and even tried to punch me in the stomach. At the end of the pregnancy he suddenly asks about the baby (calls me up randomly) starts asking about him then says he wants involvement and to see the child. I told him I was not happy with that at all due to what he said to me and having genuine concerns over the safety of the child.

He then CONTINUED to be verbally aggressive and threatening towards me. The thing is I didn't save any of his messages but I retaliated to these messages quite badly and perhaps in the wrong way. I was quite nasty back and told him that he would have nothing to do with his child and that the child needed saving from him not giving to him. he claims he has screenshot all of this and denies that he ever said anything horrible to me nor was he verbally and psychically aggressive and stupidly I have know evidence.

He doesn't even know the baby has been born but I guess he must have guessed or found out from somewhere. He asked to see the baby and I said no. Please do not judge me, he was so horrible to me and I do have genuine concerns, this is not out of spite at all. I fear that because he never wanted this baby and threatened me throughout the pregnancy that he will do something to hurt the baby. I have offered him visitation in a contact center at a later date and he says no because he shouldn't have to.

He has said this to me.
"he has filed a court application and already paid and sent it off" he also said "He should hear from them in 2 weeks"
I asked how he was going to trace me as he does not know my address and much about me and he said "he gave them every detail that was on my scan photo including my name and date of birth and NHS number"- Can the courts trace me just from this? Does the NHS have authority to give private information?

Does this sound like it could be genuine or like he is trying to make me worried? I am a bit concerned, I know that if I want to keep him away then at some point I will have to go to court but I am a nervous wreck right now with a very poorly baby.

You have to remember that what has happened between the two of you is nothing to do with the baby.

From experience, my ex was abusive to my eldest daughter and therefore there was no contact but, not having their dad around, growing up, affected both of my girls in different ways.

My honest advice would be to allow contact until such a time - if there is ever such a time - that your child's safety is called into question.

A child, where possible, should have both parents in their lfe.

Errata

moomoomama27 wrote: »

I'm afraid that unless social services have a problem with this man, and the safety of the child, there is nothing much you can do about stopping contact.

I would think SS would have a very big problem with safety as the 'claims to be the dad' earns his living dealing drugs.

FBaby

No he doesnt, not if shes been threatened by him and is frightened of him. She doesnt have to accept anything at all. She could get an injunction out on him and ensure that everything is done through social services and a contact centre.Your making it up as you go along.

Yes, with evidence, which she says she doesn't have. She said she too said horrible things which HE has kept. It would be a bit easy if any woman who wants a baby for herself without the father could just claim to have been threatened verbally and that would be enough to deny the father of access to their child.

System

Isla-rose wrote: »

This man is a drug dealer (I found this out after I fell pregnant) he has 3 phones/numbers no bank account everything in cash very dodgy and do not want my child to be influenced by that. He paid men to try and give me a misacariage and he himself tried to punch me in the stomach. He calls me so many names and has threatened to rape me in his own words "if your having my child then I can have sex with you anytime I want even if you don't want it il just do it anyway"

I don't want this man near my child end of and even prepared to move if needs be

I think you should inform the Police about this, if you haven't already.

squirrelchops

OP - you need to inform the police and health visitor about the abuse. As others have said contact your local womens aid - it may be that an option is to go in to Refuge accommodation for a while.

Also going to Refuge would help with eligibility for legal aid

I take it that the father doesnt have PR as birth not been registered yet??

thorsoak

OP - read this:- http://www.oneplusone.org.uk/content_topic/married-or-not/children/

TBagpuss

OP - if you haven't already done so, tell the police about the threats and harassment, and speak to your Health Visitor.

Your ex could apply to ask the court to make and order requiring third parties to disclose information to trace a child - so the order would be one directing (say) DWP to disclose your address (if you are receiving any benefits), or to a hospital or NHS trust. (this is the form for the application http://hmctsformfinder.justice.gov.uk/courtfinder/forms/c004-eng.pdf )

Based on what you say, this was an abusive relationship and that means that you may be able to get legal aid to help you (you can use this http://find-legal-advice.justice.gov.uk/ to find a solicitor near you who offers legal aid)

If your ex does make an application, then the Court will decide what is in your child's best interests. The starting point is that a child is entitled to have a relationship with both of his or her parents, but of course any contact must be safe for the child, and it would not be in a child's best interest for their primary parent to be harmed or threatened, so it may well be appropriate for contact to be supervised in the first instance.

This can also help to narrow down whether he wants to have a relationship with his child (in which case contact which takes place away from your home, supervised by a third party, would give him the opportunity to build that relationship) or whether it is actually about trying to control you, in which case he will push for him to see the baby at your home, or for you to be present.

Do make sure that you talk to people at the hospital and (as soon as you can) to the police about his threats this will make it much easier for you to get help if you need it, plus you will need to have some evidence of his abusive and threatening behaviour in order to be able to access legal aid, if he does seek to take you to court.

System

If the man makes his living dealing drugs, is it likely that he will actually go to the authorities to get access to his child? I would have thought he'd want to lie low and not risk alerting anyone to his criminal activities.

DUTR

avogadro wrote: »

If the man makes his living dealing drugs, is it likely that he will actually go to the authorities to get access to his child? I would have thought he'd want to lie low and not risk alerting anyone to his criminal activities.

Until CS contributions are required.

rosie-lee

Visiting a baby in hospital can mean it is more convenient to Register your baby at the Hospital. Ask the nursing staff if the registrars visit.

Once registered you can use the birth certificate to apply for child benefit. You don't need any additional financial worries at this time. You can explain this is why you cannot wait until he is around.

If your baby is registered with just your name you will automatically assume sole parental responsibility for now.

This in no way prevents the child's father being added on at a later date. Either with or without your agreement. If the father sees this as an aggressive move on your part, he has not taken correct advise. He can be added on at any time from the next day until the child is 18.

But for now it will give you some assurance that all decisions regarding your baby will be yours alone to make.

You may find that when the reality of courts and costs and the responsibilities of both time and money become a reality 'dad' may just disappear.