Looking after my fiance's niece and the incurred utility costs

ashleyriot

Hey all!

Wow, I'm so grateful to everyone for their responses - there was some small, personal attacks there (albeit nothing I haven't heard before being me) but at least that confirms to me that I wrote a fair and level original post.

Originally, I wrote fiance with an accent acute on the letter 'e' but it didn't like it and I didn't clock it - I should have changed it to fiancee to make it clearer that I am the guy (my user name here is also gender neutral).


There have been a wide range of very valid comments and I won't reply to them individually but it has given me some perspective and there has been no discussion - heated or otherwise - yet.

I think the first focus is on the amount of clothing the niece wears around the house - I think some extra layers and even mittens (when wandering around the floor) is not unfair. To be honest, I was holding her a couple of times and she seemed happy as anything - when I saw her asleep in the morning she had almost all of her covers off.

This to me points to the part about what my fiancee wants the temperature to be because the rest of the week the temperature is kept lower. I thought the point about her being out of work means more utility cost is present.

When I said unit of gas, I meant the rolling on the analogue dials from 4514 to 4515 - that costs about £2.50 but yes, one kWh of gas is only 4p or so.




Ok, lots more to read here and everyone will get one "Thanks" - I'm not precious enough to care about meaness on an anonymous board.

bluelass

ashleyriot. I don't think you are being stingy at all.You are doing your fianc!s nieces mother a big favour not the other way round. it is your home not hers or even your fianc!s, tell them if they want you to do it it is at your discretion not theirs stand firm don't be coerced. Reading your comments about your fianc! and the fact it was your home before he even came into your life I suggest you take note of what happened to a friend of mine. She lost her husband and met another man he quickly decided he wanted to move in and settle with her. However she owned her own home and a business which she automaticly inherited when her husband passed away. She went to see a solicitor and was advised to have a document drawn up saying if her partner and her split up or got married then divorced he could not bring a claim against her property or business. This was legal due to the fact she had owned these before they even met eg he had not contributed to the property or business. You have worked hard to buy your house and it doesn't sound like he has contributed or been named as a joint owner/mortgagee. I wouldn't like to see you have to lose out if things go pear shaped.

babymoo

ashleyriot wrote: »

Hey all,

I need advice because there is going to be a heated discussion soon...

We have an 18 month old niece who is perhaps rather trying for her Mum so my fiance has generously offered to look after once a week (she is brought over on a Tuesday afternoon and stays the day and night for my fiance to return her on the Wednesday).

Everyone wins: we have time with our niece (she's so much fun and has so many cool noises) and her Mum has a bit of a time out ('Dad' only has her some weekends - they are not together).


Therefore, it started eight days ago and her Mum was kind of shocked at the temperature of our house: it ain't baking hot, I do not deny but it is not frigid - I would describe it as cool.

The house is mine: I saved up the mortgage on my own and found all the ways possible to save money including quite comfortably wearing layers of clothes in the winter and focusing heat where necessary.

The arrival of my fiance changed things but we keep it at a comfortable 21 degrees right now in November (too warm in my opinion - wear the right clothes!)

I arrived home last night to find the underfloor heating (the underfloor heating!) on at 26 degrees and the radiators also at a similar temperature. It had been like this for most of the day - I only walked in at 18:00 and it was way too warm.

I had thankfully clocked the gas meter the day before (Monday evening just for the monthly meter read) and this morning before I left, we have used 2.5 units of gas, the equivalent of about £7.50 of gas, which is about 1/6th of our monthly budget.

This is about five times more than we should have used.

Added on to the fact that my fiance then drives the niece home, which is another couple of pounds, we are out about £10 a week for this help.


Financially, we are not in trouble but we are tight: it is just I that works currently (my fiance left her job because she didn't enjoy the commute) and allowing for everything (I mean everything - Budget Brain 100%), we are up about £30 a month.


I see we have three choices:

1. Stop the babysitting until next Spring
2. My fiance babysits at my niece's house (petrol cost still, I accept)
3. We ask for payment (well, actually, I ask for payment - this is going to be a major falling out for my fianc! and I but it's our money that is being spent each week)


Thoughts are appreciated, thank you.

So you (your Fiance) generously offers to have your niece over once a week and your happy about it because you love spending time with her but only until she adds a few pounds onto your bill. Why on earth would you charge her to spend time with your niece?

Now I appreciate that bills are high, it's getting colder and heating needs to be on more and more specifically when there is a young child around but that is all part and parcel of it.

No I agree you could stop having your niece around until spring but come spring time you will have missed out on 6 months of her life. That time spent, to me, is priceless.

Maybe I am wrong but personally I would adjust pennies elsewhere and relish the time spent with the little one whilst she is so little.

My niece is 3 and growing so blinking quickly and I love spending time with her. I also have a nephew who I am not allowed to see due to a falling out with his mum. I would swallow the £10 a week and cherish the time with the little one.

ashleyriot

babymoo wrote: »

So you (your Fiance) generously offers to have your niece over once a week and your happy about it because you love spending time with her but only until she adds a few pounds onto your bill. Why on earth would you charge her to spend time with your niece?

Now I appreciate that bills are high, it's getting colder and heating needs to be on more and more specifically when there is a young child around but that is all part and parcel of it.

No I agree you could stop having your niece around until spring but come spring time you will have missed out on 6 months of her life. That time spent, to me, is priceless.

Maybe I am wrong but personally I would adjust pennies elsewhere and relish the time spent with the little one whilst she is so little.

My niece is 3 and growing so blinking quickly and I love spending time with her. I also have a nephew who I am not allowed to see due to a falling out with his mum. I would swallow the £10 a week and cherish the time with the little one.

The £10 a week is £40 a month, which puts us in the red. I then begin dipping into my savings.

I think I was a bit too nice when I said we agreed to do this: the decision was put to me after it had been made and I'm trying to see the positives in it.

RAS

ashleyriot wrote: »

The £10 a week is £40 a month, which puts us in the red. I then begin dipping into my savings.

In which case you need to explain to your GF what the consequences are of her actions.

it may be that there are other household expenses where she would prefer to cut costs to make more available for heating?

BIL worked out they had £x per month above budgetted needs. DS was very good at spending money and everything cost a bit less than £x. So she would magically think they could afford them - all.

In the end he said OK, you want curtains, a shower plumbed in and a weekend away. We can afford ONE this month. Which do you want?

That gave her a bit of control and stopped her nagging about all the things they could not afford.

babymoo

ashleyriot wrote: »

The £10 a week is £40 a month, which puts us in the red. I then begin dipping into my savings.

I think I was a bit too nice when I said we agreed to do this: the decision was put to me after it had been made and I'm trying to see the positives in it.

Well then this is definitely something you need to discuss with your fiancee, ensure she is looking for a job to contribute the extra money she has agreed you can afford to spend.

However I still stand by my earlier point that at your niece's age, the 1 night of week should be priceless. I may be wrong but just my 2penneth. Think of the bond and the relationship you will have with the little girl, knowing she can go to her Auntie and Uncle whenever she needs help (not neccesarily monetary). I also read the rest of the replies after my previous post and I agree totally that 26 degrees is far too warm for a child but perhaps your fiancee doesn't understand this?

ashleyriot

babymoo wrote: »

However I still stand by my earlier point that at your niece's age, the 1 night of week should be priceless.

I certainly agree with this - she makes some great noises and tries to talk as well.

She also imitates the noises I make for the animals in her books.

Although my tiger roar is way better than hers.

Mojisola

babymoo wrote: »

However I still stand by my earlier point that at your niece's age, the 1 night of week should be priceless. I may be wrong but just my 2penneth. Think of the bond and the relationship you will have with the little girl, knowing she can go to her Auntie and Uncle whenever she needs help (not neccesarily monetary).

I also read the rest of the replies after my previous post and I agree totally that 26 degrees is far too warm for a child but perhaps your fiancee doesn't understand this?

Exactly! It's quite possible to have all the benefits in your first paragraph without the costs of heating the house to 26 degrees.

jackyann

I wouldn't put mittens on an 18 month old in the house - she needs to be using her hands.
I would agree that broadly 20-21 degrees is fine (did your fiancee realise this is OK, does she know much about small children and that 26 is too hot?)
If little one's hands feel a little bit cold, but she is happy, that's fine - hand on tummy to check core temperature. Icy hands & unhappy child means heating needs to go up.
Sometimes, depending on insulation & air currents, and position of thermometer / thermostat, an apparent temp of 20-21 is actually too cold for a little one, so check all of that.
Agree with suggestion that a rug on a hard floor can be helpful (but careful, you don't want her to slip!)
I think your fiancee should read up a bit on child care & development, and chat to mum; bear the cost for a week or so while she gets into her stride - looking after littles is not easy!

bluelass

why are people calling ashleyriot mean. He is doing a big favour. if the mother had to use a child minder it would cost her quite a bit. I think Ashley is too kind.