Feeling Bad For Being Ungrateful But Still What A Waste

Jagraf

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Ok, thanks for the info. I don't really live on planet handbag: bit of a foreign world to me. The idea of anyone spending £250 on one...where's the 'having the vapours' smilie when you need it

My Hubbie is just as happy with a carrier bag as he is a briefcase / man type of bag. I drew the line when he started going to the gym with one. Roy cropper eat your heart out!

Bogof_Babe

It looks like it's predominantly a "hand"bag, with an optional shoulder strap. Could you tell him that you can't get on with those, and need a substantial shoulder strap. I dislike bags like that as the "handles" get in the way if you only ever use the shoulder strap. It would have been perfect for Maggie Thatcher!

He needs telling that bags are a very personal item... he wouldn't dream of choosing shoes for you (would he? :eek: ), and we laydees know what style of bags are most practical for our lifestyle. There are so many variables - mine have to be large going on enormous, lightweight, plenty of pockets and substantial shoulder strap/s :rotfl:.

I'm another one puzzled at it being non-returnable. He doesn't mix with any dodgy characters does he?

bagpussbear

I think honesty is the best policy here.

I think it's sweet your hubby splashed out on you, but I just think you need to say, gently, that it really isn't your thing.

No point in pretending you like it, and then it sits gathering dust in the wardrobe for years. Plus he might think you like bags like that and get you another similar one next year!

I made the same mistake when I received lavender gifts one year from 3 different friends, I appeared very grateful, a bit too grateful as I didn't have the heart to say that I wasn't too keen - but now I get ruddy lavender this and that every birthday and christmas!!!

GobbledyGook

If he's said it's non refundable I wouldn't let on that you don't like it. If it really is (and why would he say so if it wasn't?) then its just going to be awkward and spoil things further.

I would make sure he doesn't do it again though. "I love it, but I'm terrified of losing/damaging it" repeated often should do the trick.

A good quality bag can be an investment imo. I got one for Christmas 5 years ago and I've used it most days since and it still looks great. No way a cheap one would have lasted. I guess it depends on how you use bags. I like one bag and stick to it apart from on occasional nights out. If you change your bag daily to match outfits or whatever it's not so much of an investment.

FatVonD

You've been married for 6 years, surely you know him well enough to just say you don't like it?

If he got it in a sale and that's why it's non refundable ask for the receipt anyway and sell it on ebay for the sale price with the receipt to prove it's genuine.

*max*

Gawd that's ugly...

I've been in that position before, of having something both expensive and awful given to me as a gift by a boyfriend (very obviously a last minute "what do girls like?" desperate attempt), and I just could not pretend. I just had to tell him, but then we knew each other enough by then that it wasn't a problem, we just laughed about it. The gift was returned, and we bought a weekend away with bonus lovely necklace of my choosing instead.

peachyprice

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Even if you've used it a lot? (Genuine question)

Goodness yes, they sell as 'vintage' and cost almost as much as new!

FBaby

What a pity that he didn't consult you to get a better idea of what you would want and just assumed you would like this. It sounds like your mum is as guilty though if she said you would like it, especially since she told you about it, why couldn't she wait for you to get back to her to let him know?

Anyway, that part is too late. If I were in your shoes, I would be really struggling to know how to react as my attitude like you is that you should be grateful for any gift your get, however, this is a lot of money and something you really don't want.....I think I would come clean today. Make sure he is in a good mood, start a light conversation with some laughter, remininscing about when you first met and then go for it. Say that you feel really bad because you've got something on your mind and don't know how to go about it and let it out. Say you are so so sorry that you found out about the bag, that you are so touched that he thought about getting you something so special, that you feel special to have such a lovely husband but.... and would he mind if instead, you go shopping together.

It will all come down how you bring up the subject. In the end, so much better than him getting excited at the idea of surprising you and then not getting the response he is hoping for.

Faith177

Thank you for all your comments

I made a fuss of the bag last night and said it was really nice then when I saw that you shouldn't really get it wet I said that was a bit of a concern to me and that I didn't think I would feel comfortable using it until the summer

He offered to return it but I said it would be ok I'd just have to be really careful with it and I told him that it was just too much money for someone like me and that I was really scared id damage it and he'd be mad

He said he thought if like as I always look at Ted baker bags when were our which I agreed with but said I was looking at £35 ones not the £250 ones and made it a bit of a joke

His response is that I deserve expensive things (what ever that means)

I then spoke to him this morning and asked if we could return it as I'm too scared to use it due to the cost ect and he has agreed to return it he is a little offended but I think he was always going to end up being no matter how I dealt with it

Still feel awful though as I know he was trying to do something nice but just missed the mark I was more made up about the John Lewis Monty the penguin he got than the bag lol

FBaby

Good outcome, just make sure you now discuss how you are going to treat each other for special occasions from now on. OH have been together 6 years, and we both agreed that we have run out of good ideas, so instead of buying stuff we don't care for at Christmas, we would both treat each other to a surprised week-end away during the first 6 months. The surprise is the destination!