Three choices in life; Give up, Give in or Give all you've got!!

patanne

Massive gold star to DS1. I know you hoped for even less seizures but he now has less than 2 a year which is a major improvement. Hopefully the time between them will continue to grow. Please try to see this as an advance and not a setback. Which is easy for me to say as I don't have to live it.

please-let-me-be-lucky

Thanks for the support everyone! Welcome edwink - sorry to hear your Uncle suffers in a similar way to DH. Has it been long since the injury?

We got through the night without major incident. Few small seizures while he was asleep but nothing that called for 999. I stayed awake for most of the night so I'm shattered now. DH has been very depressed but is at least talking English again. He is eating sugary things like the planet is about to run out of them too. The boys seem totally calm and unfazed by it all though!

Wondering (again) if I should give up work?!?!

satchmo1

A big round of applause for DS1's handling of the situation.


If you gave up work, Lucky, would you be much worse off? I know you said it's £20 but of course you have to deduct fuel. Would MIL come to sit with DH regularly purely to allow you some escape time?


I realised, in talking with my DH, that neither of my sons specifically acknowledges their father's head injury. I don't know whether that's because they don't realise the extent of his altered personality post-injury, or whether they just accept it. The reason we wonder is because DS1 and his partner were kind of complaining about his repetitiveness on a certain topic. I can understand that his partner never knew the "old" version (clever, witty, confident), and the accident happened when DS1 was 14 so perhaps he has forgotten what his dad used to be like? Something for me to chat to them about I think.

please-let-me-be-lucky

I know what you mean Satchmo. My DS were 6 years and 17 months respectively when their Dad changed forever, so does that mean they should accept him for who he is now, or know that he is 'altered' and make allowances?! I don't know! In some ways he's a much better Dad to them now, and in others he's worse.

Re work, I know I don't actually earn £20. It's an approximate 6 mile round trip to get there and back, and invariably I end up nipping in to the shop afterwards for 'one or two things', but usually get more than I intended to. It's not unusual for me to spend more than the £20 I earned!! That said, at least I did earn it! I think the biggest saving I get is from the 10% discount though, however I do not exclusively shop at Asd@, so it's hard to say how much that amounts to. I think I'll go over my bank statements for a proper idea.
I'm not sure what I think if I'm honest. On one hand, I wonder if it's a knee jerk reaction because more often than not MiL can be with them while I'm at work, and in 3 years of seizures it's only happened twice while I've been at work and a couple of times after I've got home from work. That's something like 4 out of 150 times. I do worry that the stress of me going to work is a contributing factor though.

patanne

If you do give up work, can you guarantee that you will get some time every single week when something other than your family can be at the forefront of your mind? We all need that break and you need it more than most as you carry ALL the responsibility.

Fizzy11

I'm so sorry to read about your DH having a seizure but this is not your fault that you or your MIL not being around. Sod's Law says that's what happens. There is a positive that it wasn't as bad as previously. You must do what you feel is right for work but you can't continue to beat yourself up as it's quite understandable that you need "me" time. My S is always peed off after having a fit like its something they have any control over.

I think you should be kind to yourself these school holidays. You can't continue beating yourself up about everything & I'm sure the majority of us would not have coped the way you have. There is no point upping the debt repayments just to make yourself more stressed out.

Obviously I'm much older & went through the school holidays years ago but my kids loved "cinema days". We watched a film together with curtains drawn & a tray of treats for interval. I wasn't allowed to do anything but watch with them. Sounds simple nowadays so I apologise.

Sending you a hug. Sue x

Sun_Addict

Oh Lucky Sorry to hear Mr Lucky had a seizure. He was doing so well. I would hate for you to think you can't leave him though, you need some you time. on the plus side the gaps between seizures is getting longer. Big hugs from me xx

liltdiddylilt

Hello lovely

I came for you so shhh I'm not really here..

Just wanted to say, DS1 is an amazing little fella, and did the exact right thing at the right time, not for the first time. I know he is only a little un, but he is super special, knowledgeable about his dad, and really grown up. Frankly if I had been in that situation I would have gone into a blind panic. I remember my little sister having hr first seizure like it was yesterday. One minute she said her mouth tasted funny, then she couldn't use a toothbrush, then she was seizing and I just stood there, rooted to the spot, completely dumbstruck. I can feel the roof of my mouth go dry just thinking about it. I know you can't rely on him to look after his dad, and shouldn't put that on him... but maybe 4 hours a week occasionally isn't that bad.. for any of them.

I really think there needs to be a point where you stop and remember yourself in all this sweetheart. Work is one place where you are using your brain, your hands, and your mouth for things other than looking after your family. You need that time away, even if it doesn't actually bring in any extra money. Maybe what you actually need is something like Mrs H said... A cleaning job? where you get to do a few hours each week, nosey round someones house/premises as you clean for them, get some breathing time and headspace without the panic and fluster of a Saturday night on a busy counter. You definitely need something set in stone whereby you have to be gone from the house... and I don't mean clubbercise as good as that is, I mean on top of clubbercise. Think about it.. and about you

Fizzy is so right in saying, not a one of us.. SA and Satchmo excepted have a clue how you juggle all of this, and would not be able to do it ourselves. £1.41 is a target for you to set to make extra each month until you have paid it off. That's just about the most do-able target ever so thrash it like you always do, and use the extra to pay your sister/have some fun with the boys!

Well done on winning the theatre tickets, thats fab news!

Lots of love, strongest of women I know xxx

edwink

please-let-me-be-lucky wrote: »

Thanks for the support everyone! Welcome edwink - sorry to hear your Uncle suffers in a similar way to DH. Has it been long since the injury?

Hi Lucky

It has been over 10 years now. He is much better than he used to be but is very forgetful and has to take time before he speaks as his thought process is very slow. He gets very mixed up too, bless him. He manages quite well though but needs prompting quite a bit sometimes. He did not have an accident that caused his brain injury. It was just something that happened to him one day. It was described as a bleed on the brain in his case.

Don't know what to suggest for you on the job front. But, whatever you do, do allow time for yourself. Even if it is just a relax in the bath or something.

Take care

Edwink x

debtfreewannabe321

Lucky I just wanted to find you on here, I've not caught up with you totally as i've been awol for too many pages but saw on fb that poor dh had a seizure and just wanted to drop by with some hugs and love. I hope he's on the mend now and DS should be so proud of himself! I'm not sure my kids would know how to call an ambulance if anything happened to one of the adults in their charge (perhaps I should rectify this...!)

Love & hugs xxxx