Mini meltdown and light bulb moment

AleMrsT

Well I've not written a post for so long!

We've just returned from visiting the in laws for the bank holiday, had to come back a day earlier than originally planned as I'm now at the hospital tomorrow. I also have a scan booked for Thursday afternoon, and my usual hospital admission on Friday, so I am at work for all of 4 hours this week!! :rotfl:

Not sure whether I said, but OH has invited his family to come on holiday with us. He mentioned it to me before, and it seemed a sweet idea. He's now officially invited them and shown them the details of the hotel etc, I've told my parents and they seem ok with it, but the more I think about it and after spending time with them over the weekend, I've decided it is a nice idea in theory, but in practice I think I'll hate it :eek:

Part of the reason the prospect of the holiday is so exciting is because it will be the first time in 15 years that my sister and I have been away on holiday with our parents, and to have our husbands and the niece there will be super special. I just think having OH's family there too will make it more stressful than a relaxing holiday, as I will obviously want to spend the week with my parents, sister and niece, but will feel obligated to also spend time with OH's family. We could all do something together, but I think my parents wanted a family holiday for our side of the family. :eek: I'm not really sure what to do now or how to broach it with OH, as he can hardly un-invite his family now he's given them all of the details. I know I need to say something before it gets booked, but I just feel really guilty, and also quite annoyed that I didn't think it through properly when he first mentioned it, as I could have said 'no, its for my side of the family, I don't think it will work, we'll have to go away with your family another time'. Any advice would be appreciated!! EEK. I do like his side of the family, but I just know it won't be as fun with them there as I feel a bit awkward around them as we don't see them very often, whereas we've lived with my parents and we seem to have a better relationship with them. AAAGGGHH.

After a weekend spent walking round London, and another couple of days walking around whilst at the in laws, I've realised I need some comfortable casual shoes. I've been wearing some cheap ankle boots from Promark, they're ok for a quick walk around town on a Saturday afternoon, but are not suitable for long walks. I'm currently searching the internet, as a trip to Clarks wasnt very successful as they never have my size in stock to be able to try on!

I'm sure I have more to update, but I'll come back and post when I remember what I've been upto for the last few weeks.

twiggy86

Hi AleMrsT! :hello:

Sorry I cant really offer any advice re how to approach the subject but I hope it goes well!

AleMrsT

I've left it so long to post again!! Sorry. I've had a bad month spend wise, I ordered three pairs of shoes from 5kecherz as my feet and knees were so sore after we walked around London for two days in August, I thought I'd treat myself then couldn't decide, so I ordered three pairs :eek: One of them is too big, so that's going back, a second pair are REALLY light and comfortable, but my sister said they look like the kids trainers with skates underneath, so I'm sending them back too, as I don't want trainers, I want comfortable smart casual shoes to wear with jeans or trousers. I do probably need some new trainers, but I'll find some cheaper ones. The third pair, I love, high top style trainers, but they are more the kind of thing I was after to wear with jeans BUT they're not as comfy as the other two pairs. Not sure about those, I might keep them but its £60 I could probably use for something else.

We went food shopping on Tuesday as we haven't been since beginning of August, my card got declined as I hadn't checked my bank balance before we went (serves me right for unnecessary cash withdrawals and spends in 8oots and the hospital cafe), so OH had to pay, I now owe him £115, and I still owe my grandma £50.

This is why I can't have nice things!! I can't afford them. Well, I could, if I wasn't greedy about it!

I've managed to sort things out at work so that my wages are only down 1 full day and 2 hours 15 minutes for September pay, which is not bad going considering I was at work for a total of 5 hours 15 minutes last week, and I'm only in two days next week.:rotfl: Just all my hospital appointments at once, but I worked extra yesterday to cover absence next thursday, and have booked Friday as annual leave.
Next Wednesday is my operation for the portacath. Although for my last transfusion on Friday last week, the chemo nurse managed to get the cannula on the first attempt, as she did last time. :rotfl::rotfl: I said I don't need a port, I just need her to be on shift every time I go in. Ah well, I will make life easier in the long run.

On the holiday front, I managed to speak to my mum and dad to see what I should do, mum's helpful advice was to let MIL and FIL book, then M&D will just book a different hotel and we can tell MIL and FIL that the original hotel was full :rotfl::rotfl: not nice. I decided to go with heart string tugging instead of evil.

I told OH that I'd been discussing holiday with M&D, and said that I had mentioned MIL and FIL are really pleased to have been invited, and that my dad had said he didnt know they were going, and when he said 'family holiday' he meant OUR family not the whole family. I then said to OH that I feel a bit bad, as M&D are paying and are now not going to be having the holiday they had planned as MIL and FIL will be there, so I feel bad for them, I also feel terrible that its going to be as equally awkward to uninvite his parents, so whatever we do I'll feel bad... I let it all sink in, and will check in with him in a couple of weeks to see if hes 'spoken to' his parents:T

If that fails, I think we'll just (sneakily) do what mum suggested.

I am well and truly back on the SW/healthy eating bandwagon. Not weighed in yet (will do on Wednesday as last weigh in was last Weds but didnt really start until this week). Although I did go over my sin allowance A LOT yesterday :rotfl: I'm finding it all a bit complicated at the minute, and what is essentially a healthy breakfast, was apparently NOT according to SW. I might just stick to logging on Myfitpal again.

I don't know whether I said that I joined a new gym that is opening up, my best friend from school is the general manager, so she knows all about my medical issues and has said she'll put a programme together for me and keep an eye out to make sure I'm actually doing what i should be doing! All of the classes are included, and the usual gym equipment, the only thing that it doesnt have is a swimming pool, but for £12.99 a month if I only use it once a week I still have my monies worth. I have also persuaded my friend to come along, so she's joined up with me. Looking forward to going, it opens in two weeks time.

The only issue is the timing with my port surgery, I am not allowed to do anything strenuous or high intensity, plus I think weights may be an issue too, but I will have to just take it easy and start with classes at first such as pilates etc. When I speak to my friend I'll tell her about the op and see what suggestions she has.

Last time I had one fitted I went to Alton Towers and went on Rita (the high speed ride) and because of where the port was located on the front of my chest, it felt like I'd been shot with the pressure from the G force when the ride accelerated, so I really do need to be careful.

Off out for a curry tomorrow night for a leaving do at work, this poses three problems; I have hardly anything to wear as my 'nice going out clothes' no longer fit me as I no longer go out and have gotten FAT, secondly, I have NO idea what you can order from a curry house when you're trying to follow SW, thirdly, I hope its cheap as I have around £80 to last until payday, as the money I get back from shoe refunds will go to OH to pay for the food shop, and my grandma to repay what I owe. I'm getting a lift there and back so no parking to pay for, I can't drink anyway, so hoping £15 is a realistic budget :eek::eek:

This hasnt been a very exciting update, and I got a bit disheartened when I looked at the amounts I've paid off my debts (which is very very little), but at least I'm not building up MORE debt, and I am a LOT better off now than I was this time last year.

twiggy86

Hey AleMrsT!

The shoes may not be as comfy but are they comfy? If not, then I'm afraid my answer would be send them back if they don't answer the brief! That seems a great deal on the gym! Re SW and curry - I think there is a section on the website somewhere which gives you some tips on what to eat when eating out. Sorry - I cant log in anymore to give you more of a guide where to find it and I can't remember what is good to eat other than plain rice and I'm sure you'll probably (definitely!) want something to go with it!

Good luck in your op!

London_Ash

AleMrsT wrote: »

OMG!!!!! :mad::mad::mad::mad: I just wrote a HUGE update and then something happened and it all disappeared. I can't even face writing it all out again.

Brief synopsis:

- I got a date for my port surgery - 16th September. May only need one day off as sickness absence.

- OH bought a 'dine in for 2 for £10' from Tesco, and it was a bit rubbish and only 370 calories for the main course, but 430 calories for the dessert, which is a bit disgraceful. Plus we got about 5 pieces of beef, a few bits of potato and loads of sauce, then the side dish was peas and green beans with butter and mint sauce. We used to buy these a lot previously. I'm so glad I cook from scratch and shop as frugally as possible now.

-OH can't wrap birthday presents and wastes a lot of wrapping paper. :rotfl:

- my friends didnt buy the house. But taking them round the house made me realise I want a career change and want to take on some further education, possibly an english degree with a view to starting a career as a proof reader and copy editor, but there are no jobs available and the english degree costs £16000.

- now not sure what to study, but interested in 5 key areas:
property and architecture (I already work in property!!......)
travel (pipe dream! Only rich people get to travel and call it a career)
books and literature (already established jobs in publishing are not readily available and tend to be London/Oxford based)
drama and performing arts (I got good grades for these subjects, but I am no Meryl Streep or Elaine Paige. Working in a theatre either front of house or backstage has always appealed though)
medicine and genetics. (my interest in this is biased, I would be learning purely to enhance my understanding of my OWN condition, and haematology/biology, would not want to work in this field)

So that's the last 30 minutes worth of update I just typed, in a very small nut shell.

Any suggestions on career changes welcome! Off to bed to sulk about the loss of my well structured, humorous and cathartic post. :mad:

Always highlight and Control+C when you post something lengthy, just in case.

twiggy86

AleMrsT wrote: »

I showed my friends round a house last night, makes me realise I really do need to get a better job. They both drive BMW's, and are looking at buying a 4 bed detached house for 280k, (fairly decent house prices where we are), and they go on holiday about twice a year. I'm still earning the same salary I was 10 years ago, and hubby is on less than he was 10 years ago (but he's far happier since his career change).

Just started reading this thinking it was a new post?! But I'm going to write what I was going to write anyway!

Do they own their cars or have finance (i.e. debt) on them? Do they pay for their holidays in cash? How big is their mortgage? You may or may not know the answers but you never know what is going on behind closed doors so try not to compare yourself to others!

I have the problem that we're renovating our house, two friends are also doing this but once is completely done and one is nearly done, whereas we're having to do it bit by bit as we have the money. I have no idea how they paid or if they're in debt because of it. Yes it gets frustrating but some of my debt stems from the early days where we just shoved it on the card but I'll be some much happier at the end when I've got the house I want and am debt free!

AleMrsT

Thanks for the tip London Ash!
That's what I keep wondering twiggy, they both have good jobs, so I assume the cars are either company cars or on finance, and I really dont think I'd want to have to worry about making the sort of mortgage payments they'll have to be making soon.

I do envy their holidays though, but when we do get to go, ours will be very much looked forward to.

OH finally checked how much we owe on the furniture, and the balance is £400!:eek: so we've paid off £100 less than I'd calculated! :mad: well it's OH that's got to pay his share, as I've been paying him £50 towards it for the last few months or so, since June I think, so he's obviously not been paying this across. I'm just going to keep paying my share and he can sort out the shortfall!! I asked him weeks ago to look at it, but never mind.

I've been back to the local hospital today as a follow up to my previous appointment about my ears and recurrent infections/hearing loss etc. The doctor (who was actually a surgeon and had received a referral to see me from the original ENT doctor) said he agrees with previous doctors thoughts that my ear drum is damaged and eroding the bone inside my ear, the scan has confirmed it and my hearing test results are 10 decibels lower than before. Not sure what that means, but it's not a good thing, as he recommended surgery and a hearing aid. I said I didn't want to have it done, and he said that its fine, it's my choice, but if I get any more ear infections they'll have no choice but to do it, as my ear is getting more and more damaged I have no idea why this has upset me so much, I'm usually a 'do whatever is needed' person when it comes to my health, but this just feels like too much. OH thinks I'm mad and should just have it done (he's fed up of repeating himself!) and I really don't know why I'm so reluctant. The doctor told me to think about it and book an appointment with the gp if I change my mind. He wasn't pushy and made it clear it was my choice, but also made it clear it was his recommendation I have it done sooner rather than later before it gets worse.

Maybe it's just extremely bad timing with me going in for surgery on Wednesday, I think I'll wait til after that to decide, as I really would like to be able to hear a full conversation again!

Sorry for the rubbish post, I just needed to get it off my chest.

In happier news, my friend had her baby boy last week, and depending how I feel she's going to bring him over to see me on Friday!

Hope you're all having a good start to the week so far.

MrsT x

AleMrsT

PS: I sent all of the shoes back.

AleMrsT

Hi Everyone. Well, Sunday evening, I've had a few days at home recovering and its back to work tomorrow I am glad to be getting out of the house to be honest, but I'd rather be going elsewhere than back to work! I attempted the ironing today and didn't get very far with it, so hopefully I'll be able to manage a full day back at work, I can't afford not to manage!

I've been feeling generally down the last few weeks, I just cant seem to snap out of it. None of my friends have visited me or asked how I am following my surgery, so if I'm honest I'm selfishly feeling a bit let down. I still feel like OH and I are wasting our life away, barely leaving the house except to go to work, grocery shopping or visiting family.

And with my 30th birthday coming up in January, and still no plans or burning desire to plan anything specifically, the feeling of wastefulness keeps coming back, and I just don't feel satisfied or fulfilled. I won't say I'm unhappy, because I'm not, I just feel like I'm wasting my life, with no real direction or desire to do anything different, and no money to even start to change things.

I'm sorry this is a really depressing post, I feel this is the only place I can come to truly vent and say what is going through my head.

I'm not really sure what to do to get out of my little slump, because I get to a point where I'm feeling quite happy and positive, and then the next thing I know I wake up feeling like I'm just in some form of Groundhog day.

Hopefully I'll wake up tomorrow feeling more positive.

misstara

Aw AleMrsT sending lots of hugs and positive vibes in your direction. Hope you wake up feeling better tomorrow x