So called wife - had an affiar

Better_Days

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

But it is she who has broken the terms to the marriage contract. Therefore, imho, leaving the husband in the family home, IS the 'right thing to do', imho. Why should he move out?

Although I do agree that, if both parties want it, the marriage can still be mended. But it sounds as though she doesn't want it.

I didn't say he had to move out. I said that she has as much right to be in the house as he does. We do not know why the OP's wife has acted as she has, or even for sure that she has had an affair. It does appear that the relationship is on very rocky ground, but we don't know why. OP was asked if he had any idea of what has gone wrong and he has given no indication.

I agree with duchy. Instead of tittle tattle on facebook OP needs to be talking to his wife to find out (if he doesn't already know) what has gone wrong in the marriage, and what they are going to do about it.

ETA: sorry cavework, you made the same point

If you have been married for 21 years and brought up 2 great kids then the starting point to my mind would be to talk to each other about the future and what you each actually want, once things have calmed down and before jumping in with solicitors and legal costs all guns blazing

Pollycat

andrew007007 wrote: »

I know legally she does not have to leave the family home, but i have asked her to leave and do the right thing.

Just curious why you posted (on 31/10) the above where you say you asked her to leave and earlier this morning you're now telling us that she has asked you to leave....

andrew007007 wrote: »

yes i know legally, but when she has been seeing somebody else then shes tells me leave the family home - its not wright.

Why didn't you mention that earlier?

andrew007007

had another chat with her today,

shes now after my pension, wants half the equity of my car, and her solicitor has said to her that because our two girls are both on apprenterships she can claim maintenance???

girls are 17 & 20

BrassicWoman

any reason you can't have custody, and she can move out and pay you maintenance?

you do need a solicitor, obviously!

DS4215

andrew007007 wrote: »

had another chat with her today,

shes now after my pension, wants half the equity of my car, and her solicitor has said to her that because our two girls are both on apprenterships she can claim maintenance???

girls are 17 & 20

That is the starting point for negotiation, as is 50% of her pension, the equity in the house and any money either of you have. Although you are probably looking at that after paying a chunk in solicitor fees.

Maintenance for the kids will depend on how old they are, their educational situation and more importantly - who they live with. If they live with you then she can pay you maintenance. Spousal maintenance is rare, but not unknown.

whitewing

It's obviously a very difficult time for you and the family. I guess your wife is taking her solicitor's advice on what she may be entitled to.

I know it feels very personal against you, especially if she is 'emotionally close' to someone else, but I imagine what she is 'asking' for is fairly standard after the breakdown of a marriage, ie is not a personal insult to you, however hard you have worked over the years. Take some time to absorb the situation without rushing to react.

I believe wikivorce is meant to be a good source of support and info. But I would try and get at least some legal advice yourself.

whitewing

duchy wrote: »

So you believe a stranger with goodness knows what agenda without any other supporting evidence or talking to your wife ?
And on facebook of all thing !

Is this stranger his wife or girlfriend, do you think?

andrew007007

Well update on this.........

been to a solicitor today and they are now acting for me.


Pensions, if she keep to her word then all ok, but the judge may order a different way as they have to see it as fair deal

My sticking point is, if we both agree not to touch each other assets, then the judge rules she can have a % of my pension, then i will have to chase hers and assets, this will then go back to the legal side and then more costs.

She is also after maintenance for the two girls as they are both on apprenticeships, have phoned the child maintenance help line, and they say she has no case due to the child benefit being stopped when they ceased shcool.

many thanks for all your comments, this is really a awful time.

[Deleted User]

As one of the children is 20.., this is the point at which all 'child' type benefits and responsibility for maintenance stops (except arrears which doesn't apply in this case). So whatever is happening with Child benefit, you'd never have to pay maintenance for your older child, even if she's still in full time education.

Very sorry you are in this situation.

lulu_92

andrew007007 wrote: »

She is also after maintenance for the two girls as they are both on apprenticeships, have phoned the child maintenance help line, and they say she has no case due to the child benefit being stopped when they ceased shcool.

This is correct and stand your ground. You do not owe any maintenance when children have left full time education. If they are living at home, however I would give each child an allowance instead.