Second marriages - gifts?

jackyann

Don't want to go into the kind of detail that might get me identified (!) but broadly speaking there are a set of 3 nieces to whom I am close, and whose parents don't have a great deal of money. They are a lovely family, who do a great deal of good in the world in general, and I have made it clear that there is no expectation of reciprocal gifts - my children are well aware of this and love them dearly.
There's 3 others, spread across 2 families, and I just felt that I should do exactly the same for them.

I haven't a clue how many grandchildren yet, but have set up a trust.

I know this sounds as if I have a great deal of money - I do by some standards, not by others. I have always lived quite modestly (as previous posts will show) and am fortunate enough to take pleasure in low-key day-to-day activities & holidays. I also come from quite an old-fashioned family (as I said, no divorces!) who save for such things.

Most of my extended family are very close, and enjoy each others' company. But like most families, there's one branch who are a bit "different". I get on perfectly well with them, but they are not really on my wavelength - that's why I canvassed opinion. I think I already knew what I was going to do, but wanted some help in sorting out what I felt and how to approach it. I have received that and am very grateful!

I am going to make it clear to all of them that this is a one-off, not because I disapprove of second marriages, but because that is how I organised my money.

meritaten

I don't think its mean - I think you should explain that the money is set aside or rather 'allocated' to each niece or nephew on the occasion of their marriage. nephew has had his 'allocation'.

perhaps you should have a chat with the remaining nieces/nephews and ask if they would like the 'Wedding Gift Money' by their 30th birthday or whatever date you deem suitable? the value is going down each year and if they have no wedding in sight perhaps the money could be used for other things?

I think you are a lovely generous lady Jackyann, your kids must be proud of you.

jackyann

You have all been kind. I feel obliged to clarify that this was not an open-ended bar bill (!). It was the reception drinks: 2 glasses of champagne + half a bottle of wine per person (and I did get to taste & choose!).
I also think this shows why I am not quite so keen on new fiancee! However, she is young and may settle in better - as we often see on this board, weddings don't bring out the best in everyone - and maybe her family wonder why she should be seen as "second best". Your comments have all been helpful and helped me with how to handle this.

I am on the whole very fortunate in my immediate and extended family (I cannot think would have arisen with any of the the others)

Mojisola

jackyann wrote: »

and maybe her family wonder why she should be seen as "second best". Your comments have all been helpful and helped me with how to handle this.

I would emphasis that the previous gift wasn't a general wedding gift as such and the fact that you're not paying out a second time isn't a reflection on your view of the upcoming wedding but because you have a one-off amount set aside for each nephew and niece and that nephew has has his gift.

brightonman123

A small personal gift. Spend YOUR savings on YOU!