Siblings looking after each other at what age?

TBagpuss

I think 13 is too young to be left for a whole day in charge of a younger child, and that the age gap between 8 and 13 make it particularly difficult (a younger child might be easier as less likely to be competing)

Depending on the 13 year old and the 8 year old they might be OK for a shorter period, and I think the 13 year old by herself might be OK (again, depends a lot on the child herself)

Also, there seems little point in them going away to spend two days alone rather than with their dad.

I think it would definitely be appropriate to tell your ex that the children will not be able to come in those circumstances.

Janepig

FBaby wrote: »

What i think is sad is that our society is full of 13yo who can't look after themselves for a day.

I think it's up to the individual child and their personality, and imo has always been so. Back in the 1980's when I first met DH and we were both still at school, his parents would be more than happy to leave him in their house when they went on holiday, he's always been very responsible from a young age, but they would never do that with his brother. Even now, his brother's in his 40's and MIL would never leave him alone in her house for anything longer than afew hours, he'd probably burn it to the ground. DH's best friend at the time was never allowed to stay at home, or his brother, they always had to stay with their Auntie when their parents were away, this was when the older brother was about 18/19 or even older.

I always hated being left alone in the house if my parents went out or anything (at night). I coped, I could look after myself, I just didn't like it!

Jx

Indie_Kid

I can't understand why he wants to have the children; but will be at work all day? Because to me, if you want to have your children / other relatives, you'd want to be there doing things with them. I know that when a friend has his grandchildren, he doesn't attend a group we both go to.

Blackpool_Saver

Indie_Kid wrote: »

I can't understand why he wants to have the children; but will be at work all day? Because to me, if you want to have your children / other relatives, you'd want to be there doing things with them. I know that when a friend has his grandchildren, he doesn't attend a group we both go to.

maybe it lowers his support payments.... cynical here

FBaby

I think it's up to the individual child and their personality, and imo has always been so.

I agree completely, but I still think that 'most' 13yo should be capable of staying home alone safely. Kids seem more and more overprotected in some ways (taking responsibility for themselves), whilst treated as adult in other ways (media). Not liking it is another matter.

liney

Nope. "I will be collecting the children at X time on Monday as you have not made suitable childcare arrangements." No further discussion.

Of course this might be exactly what he wants you to say, if these are the days he feels you have 'imposed' on him.

Could the children not spend those days with his parents?

muffins

liney wrote: »

Nope. "I will be collecting the children at X time on Monday as you have not made suitable childcare arrangements." No further discussion.

Of course this might be exactly what he wants you to say, if these are the days he feels you have 'imposed' on him.

Could the children not spend those days with his parents?

I do feel there is a strong element of him trying to control the arrangements, the arrangement is very similar to every other year, as he has always taken the children to his mothers for a couple of days around Boxing Day ( she is too old to look after the children's)

I will be asking him to consider the quality time he spends with them over the holidays, he is very adamant that he is not going to be a part time dad but then won't have them unless it suits him!

liney

muffins wrote: »

I do feel there is a strong element of him trying to control the arrangements, the arrangement is very similar to every other year, as he has always taken the children to his mothers for a couple of days around Boxing Day ( she is too old to look after the children's)

I will be asking him to consider the quality time he spends with them over the holidays, he is very adamant that he is not going to be a part time dad but then won't have them unless it suits him!

If he feels they are old enough to look after themselves, then surely they can 'look after' their Nan! At least there would be adult supervision, even if they prepare her lunch etc.

Izadora

FBaby wrote: »

I agree completely, but I still think that 'most' 13yo should be capable of staying home alone safely.

The way I read it, the problem isn't the 13 year old staying home alone but being responsible for an 8 year old.

Many, many years ago I used to babysit for the kids down the road where it was almost exactly the same situation - the parents were happy to leave the 13 year old on his own but I was there to be responsible for his 9 year old sister (not that it stops him pointing out that I used to babysit him if I ever bump into him in a pub, making me sound even more ancient than I am...)

peachyprice

FBaby wrote: »

I agree completely, but I still think that 'most' 13yo should be capable of staying home alone safely. Kids seem more and more overprotected in some ways (taking responsibility for themselves), whilst treated as adult in other ways (media). Not liking it is another matter.

There's a huge difference between a 13yo being responsible for themselves and a 13yo being responsible for themselves and an 8yo sibling.

Hell, I wouldn't even let one of my 19yo sons be responsible for his 13yo sister!