Siblings looking after each other at what age?

muffins

My ex has just dropped the children off, he has said that he will have the children over Christmas from sat 27th - weds 31st but he would leave them home alone all day on the Tuesday and Wednesday as he is working. My daughter would be just 13 and my son is 8, my daughter thinks she is about 16 but is not very responsible and mostly hates her brother! My son is very rule driven and winds her up as he will not accept her breaking any rules, as she never does as she is told so arguments are very frequent. I do leave her on her own for a couple of hours but I haven't ever left her to look after him nor would I! They would also be staying at his flat which is an hour and a half away from me, they are not familiar with this town and do not know anyone in the area or next door.
I said absolutely NO, they are not to be unsupervised, he doesn't see it as a problem as he only works a few miles away from the flat, so he thinks I am being unreasonable and he said that I have left her on her own so why can't I leave her to look after her brother!
There is no way I would leave my daughter to look after my 8 year old, I love my daughter but she is an absolute bloody madam atm and totally egocentric, she would think nothing of getting her own lunch and not getting him any, even if he asked her!
I am composing an email to tell him why it is inappropriate to even consider this as an option!
What do you think?

balletshoes

muffins wrote: »

My ex has just dropped the children off, he has said that he will have the children over Christmas from sat 27th - weds 31st but he would leave them home alone all day on the Tuesday and Wednesday as he is working. My daughter would be just 13 and my son is 8, my daughter thinks she is about 16 but is not very responsible and mostly hates her brother! My son is very rule driven and winds her up as he will not accept her breaking any rules, as she never does as she is told so arguments are very frequent. I do leave her on her own for a couple of hours but I haven't ever left her to look after him nor would I! They would also be staying at his flat which is an hour and a half away from me, they are not familiar with this town and do not know anyone in the area or next door.
I said absolutely NO, they are not to be unsupervised, he doesn't see it as a problem as he only works a few miles away from the flat, so he thinks I am being unreasonable and he said that I have left her on her own so why can't I leave her to look after her brother!
There is no way I would leave my daughter to look after my 8 year old, I love my daughter but she is an absolute bloody madam atm and totally egocentric, she would think nothing of getting her own lunch and not getting him any, even if he asked her!
I am composing an email to tell him why it is inappropriate to even consider this as an option!
What do you think?

i think you're doing the right thing, and i think you've explained yourself very well in your opening post, to email him that .

Buzzybee90

balletshoes wrote: »

i think you're doing the right thing, and i think you've explained yourself very well in your opening post, to email him that .

I agree, I'd say 16+ but it depends on lots of things - not least having a little brother in tow!

Indie_Kid

I wouldn't leave a 13 year old to look after an 8 year old. Especially not in an area they don't know.

julie03

i have a 12 yr old and a 7yr old, would leave the 12 yr old alone , but together :eek: a disaster waiting to happen

you are not being unreasonable

whitewing

I don't think it is fair on either child.

Annisele

I'm not sure I'd approach it from the angle of "who has the most reasonable parenting skills". I *might* leave a 13 year old and an 8 year old together for a little while, but not a whole day, and probably not if they had history of winding each other up - but what I think isn't going to persuade your ex.

It sounds as though the Tuesday and Wednesday aren't good days for your children to see their Dad anyway. Regardless of whether they'd murder each other or not, the point of the trip is to see him - and he won't be there. I'd be tempted to approach it from the angle of getting all three of them to see as much as each other as possible, which means them seeing him at a time he's not at work.

Could you pick them up on the Monday night / Tuesday evening and then deliver them back again on the Wednesday evening for them to stay two different days? Or come up with some other compromise?

whitewing

Is there the possibility that your ex is just winding you up about leaving them alone and that he has already made adequate arrangements because he feels you should trust him?

muffins

Thank you all for your replies. He is very controlling and dictates the days he will have the children, I have very little choice as he insists his working needs come first and mine second. So for once I took some control and gave him the dates. I partly feel his suggestion was to wind me up and for him to get the days he wants as he knows I would never agree to the children being left alone. He won't change to any other dates as he has said he is working on any other suggestions I offered.

Armorica

Absolutely not - if he's working, then he's not with the children.

I can't see that visitation rights would be enforced in any way, shape or form, if it involved leaving a 13 year old to care for an 8 year old all day.

System

I can see why you're not comfortable with it

I did used to look after my siblings when i was about 14/15 (and they were 4,5 and 8) but that was only ever for a few hours at a time. I didn't get left all day with them till i was 16.