Siblings looking after each other at what age?

[Deleted User]

Many many years ago I was left to look after my brother during the holidays (I was 11 plus) and it was taken as a matter of course that I would. But on reflection, I shouldn't have been. I could 'care' for my brother, but not be as responsible as an adult, it just wasn't possible.

But today it is different. How many newspapers stories have we seen saying x happened when a 15 year old was left in charge of a younger child.., mother being done for neglect'? Your daughter is 13, and its for two whole days.

You are not being unreasonable. I would suggest printing out and keeping his email (in case of legal repercussions) and suggesting that they stay with him for a much shorter period of time, when he can be physically present. A 13 year old can not legally be responsible for a younger child. Even if he kicks up about it, you ARE being reasonable and responsible.., and that's what it has to be. Just tell him that if anything happened, you and he would be held responsible and neither of you can afford to take that risk. If he kicks off, it will calm down again.., been there/done it. Just be aware that he may say unpleasant and confusing things to the children making you out to be a monster and have a chat with them. I just tell mine that Daddy is trying his best but he doesn't always understand things.

Blackpool_Saver

deannatrois wrote: »

I just tell mine that Daddy is trying his best but he doesn't always understand things.

:rotfl::T Yes, that about covers it usually

Frith

My sons aren't quite the same ages as your 2 (they're 14 and 11) and I wouldn't leave them unsupervised for a whole day!


I've left one or the other when dropping one off somewhere (so up to about half an hour) but only a handful of times.


I wouldn't feel it fair for my 14 year old to look after my 11 year old.

duchy

He's playing power games and using the kids as pawns to get to you.
Or he's very dim - but it sounds like the former.

I'd talk to the kids first - and say this is the suggestion -and see if they think it could work. And use *their* objections as well as your own.

Frankly I'd just cancel the whole of the visit as the point of access is to see their Dad - not whose home they are left home alone in.

bagpussbear

I think you're absolutely right to tell him that it's not going to happen.

I think their ages are too young to be honest, but given how your 2 children are together this would be a recipe for disaster.

Tell him he can only have the kids on his non-working days, end of.

FBaby

What do the kids think? Do they want to be with their dad during this time? Do they understand that it means they will have to exceptionally behave and get along together?

If they really want to be there and that is the only way, then I think there is enough time to make it clear to them that they will need to get along and make it work. If however, any of them are anxious at idea or just don't want to do it, then I would say a definite no.

duchy

Thinking about it I think I'd tell him you've been offered tickets for something fab the kids would love- and itd be stupid to have them bored alone at his place when they could be iceskating/at the panto or whatever instead and of course he'd obviously be distracted from work worrying about them so forget having them on those days as you don't think they would last the day let alone killing each other anyway . Make it completely logical that two home alone days would be less fun for the kids rather than a parental irresponsibility issue which will only wind him up - even if deep down he knows it's true.

This used to drive me nuts- if you know you are having the kids - book annual leave. It is hardly rocket science !

onlyroz

Isn't there any kind of holiday club they could go to for that day? I wouldn't leave an 8-year-old unsupervised.

Molly41

Never - in my house anyway.
I agree it depends on the child - My 18 year old still won't be left by himself at night so my DD comes home to stay with him if we go away.

I know that all sorts of mischief can ensue and I do believe that your husband could be prosecuted if anything happened whilst he was at work.

peachyprice

I would leave the 13yo alone if I was at work nearby, but no way would I leave a 13yo to supervise an 8yo.