How long should child maintainence be paid?

FBaby

So yes, we were both ecstatic when it came to an end!

Just out of curiosity, don't have to revel, but can I ask how is the relationship with the child/ren in questions, as ultimately, that's all what it comes down to. If the child is genuinely ok with the decision of the nrp and remains close to them, then it was the correct one in these circumstances.

Marisco

FBaby wrote: »

Surely by then, the nrp wouldn't be liable to pay towards the mortgage any longer, so if anything, it would match the time that money from equity is supposed to finally come to the nrp. Either the debts would be paid by then, or be so with the equity. So how can the effect of the divorce still be an issue on the income of the nrp?

When does it end? My view is either when it is not needed any longer becaue the child starts its working life, or because they are not making step the nrp considers reasonable towards it.

I went to Uni and both my parents supported me financially through it. They didn't want me to get loans. Of course that's because they could afford it, but only by making further compromises to their life. However, they saw it is their responsibility and still a priority of theirs to support me during that time.

In the case of my oh, there was no equity in the house, only arrears. The mortgage wasn't paid because the ex was spending it on "shopping" along with store cards and credit cards. It was further complicated as oh was working away, sometimes in inaccessible places, so he had no choice but to leave his ex to deal with things. He wasn't earning a great deal either to make matters worse!

Anyway I'm not going into the nuts and bolts of it, apart from boring everyone, it would be pretty unbelievable, and read more like fiction than fact! Suffice to say, and call me naive if you want, but I didn't realise that any mother could behave the way she did, I'd never come across anyone like her before, and my eyes were well and truly opened as to how nasty, bitter and god awful some people can be!!

FBaby

What i meant is that if he was made to continue to pay the mortgage after divorce, surely he became entitled to half at some point (usually when youngest turns 18). There was no equity built at all during all these years?

As you say, we don't know the circumstances in your case, and yes, I do believe there are some mad bitter exes, but I was responding to this on a more traditional set up, ie. not great, but not extreme either.

Marisco

FBaby wrote: »

Just out of curiosity, don't have to revel, but can I ask how is the relationship with the child/ren in questions, as ultimately, that's all what it comes down to. If the child is genuinely ok with the decision of the nrp and remains close to them, then it was the correct one in these circumstances.

Oh's kids are brilliant, in spite of their mother, they are both aware of what she's like, but she is their mother in the end. Oh never stopped fighting to see his kids, despite her best efforts to thwart him, and the kids realise this. The eldest moved down South for work and oh has just had a good weekend visiting him, and the youngest was round just yesterday, she pops in often, although less often now that she has a full time job.

FBaby

This thread suddenly remainds me of a conversation from a colleague. He came to our office on a short term contract basis (earning a very good income) after he had retired from his previous role. It ended up being extended, and one day he laughed saying that he had agreed to it originally just so he could afford the wedding of one of his daughter from his divorce, but then the second one announced she was engaged, so he had to keep going to pay hers too. He had a 2 1/2 journey commute one way to come and do a very stressful job. I thought what a great dad to be prepared to do that for his daughters! (or a bid mad but still lovely!).

FBaby

Marisco wrote: »

Oh's kids are brilliant, in spite of their mother, they are both aware of what she's like, but she is their mother in the end. Oh never stopped fighting to see his kids, despite her best efforts to thwart him, and the kids realise this. The eldest moved down South for work and oh has just had a good weekend visiting him, and the youngest was round just yesterday, she pops in often, although less often now that she has a full time job.

Well then that's all that matters!

Vicky123

Marisco wrote: »

Anyway I'm not going into the nuts and bolts of it, apart from boring everyone, it would be pretty unbelievable, and read more like fiction than fact! Suffice to say, and call me naive if you want, but I didn't realise that any mother could behave the way she did, I'd never come across anyone like her before, and my eyes were well and truly opened as to how nasty, bitter and god awful some people can be!!

It works the other way too, RP getting no help at all while all kinds of never before issues surface, these people can play the system like a fiddle, fool everyone, refuse to work, etc, all the while playing the victim. Work of fiction, indeed, that's the idea, who will believe it? Sadly, as with most things the good people are punished for the actions of the bad. I do believe what goes round, comes round, they all get what they deserve in the end.

Marisco

FBaby wrote: »

What i meant is that if he was made to continue to pay the mortgage after divorce, surely he became entitled to half at some point (usually when youngest turns 18). There was no equity built at all during all these years?

As you say, we don't know the circumstances in your case, and yes, I do believe there are some mad bitter exes, but I was responding to this on a more traditional set up, ie. not great, but not extreme either.

Not much (this was the mid 90's) and the arrears overtook what little equity there was. It was only when the CSA stepped in that things went well and truly pear shaped. Up until then he was paying the mortgage, but had to stop when he had to pay CM as well. And she went from being just awful to something out of hell!!

Marisco

Vicky123 wrote: »

It works the other way too, RP getting no help at all while all kinds of never before issues surface, these people can play the system like a fiddle, fool everyone, refuse to work, etc, all the while playing the victim. Work of fiction, indeed, that's the idea, who will believe it? Sadly, as with most things the good people are punished for the actions of the bad. I do believe what goes round, comes round, they all get what they deserve in the end.

I will, because it happened to my daughter. Her ex did everything he could to dodge paying CM, he cut off all contact with my gd's, job hopped when they caught up with him, and generally disappeared into the ether. He got in touch with my eldest gd, recently on FB, after 14 years!!! :eek: My daughter left it entirely up to her what she wanted to do, I stuck my fourpence worth in and told her he was an ar**hole, but it was up to her. She never bothered in the end. My son in law is far more of a father to her, than that article could ever be, and she knows it and adores him.

So I have seen things from both sides. I just wish everyone could have a nice amicable divorce like my ex and I had. My kids were adults then but even if they'd have been younger, I know I wouldn't behave like that, the kids should have sod all to do with adults splitting up, and should never ever be brought into the "war" between the adults, no matter what they feel towards each other!

FBaby

I know I wouldn't behave like that, the kids should have sod all to do with adults splitting up, and should never ever be brought into the "war" between the adults, no matter what they feel towards each other!

But they are because they are best weapons to hurt back when you've been hurt in the first place:(

I do feel very sorry for those parents who have to deal with a total change to their lives as a result of an affair. Whether it is the pwc who is given no choice but to see less of her children at week-ends because the father decided to play happy family with another woman. That hurts massively. Or the father who is being kicked out of his house and is told he can only sees his children when it suits whilst being dried financially.
It is hard when you are constantly pushed to the limit.